Olympus Times

Harvest Edition 50 a.d. (by Mara Hessler)


Homer-Died yesterday of pneumonia. Born 8 or 9 B.C on island of Chios. He had been ailing for weeks, but finally passed on to the Underworld. Funeral will be held tomorrow at the olive grove in Athens. We will read the Illiad and the Oddesy which he wrote.

Archimedes-Born in Syracuse, Sicily, Italy. Died 212 B.C in Syracuse, Sicily, Italy. Sword cut, instantly fatal. May have punctured his lungs. Funeral was held 250 years ago in Rome, celebrating Sestercentennial of his death. Romans will have an after-party in the bath house.

Greek of the Week

Jason, Golden Fleece and all.

Jason was the son of King Iolcus, brother of Pelias, who had killed his father. Pelias lived in fear of his nephew. Jason’s mother took the infant to Chiron the Centaur, to train to become a warrior. When he was of age, Chiron sent Jason to claim his throne. Hera, Queen of the gods, decided to test Jason in his heroics. First, Jason had to carry an old woman across a river. The old woman was actually Hera in disguise. In the river, Jason had lost a sandal. Finally, he reached King Pelias, who hid in fear of the “man with one sandal.” which had been prophesied by the Oracle. Pelias then sent Jason away to find the Golden Fleece. Jason was provided a trireme, which he called the Argo. He sought out people to embark on the quest, among them were Heracles, and the only female, Atalanta. They fought many monsters, and finally he arrived in the place where the Fleece was kept. He had to fight dragon warriors, and only succeeded because of his girlfriend Medea, a sorceress. He then sailed back to his home, claiming the throne.

He gave people around his kingdom a feeling of hope. He was heroic, though he faced many losses.


For sale: Donkey Cart

Furnished oak wood cart, leather harness will fit all donkeys. Only 1 silver Drachma!

For Rent: 123 Dirt Road, Athens

Fine mud brick walls, completely stable. Women’s gynaikon perfect for knitting in the quiet of the summer. Bedrooms have woolen blankets, perfect for the children. Large storeroom for your baked goods. Don’t let this one get away! 1500 silver Drachmas

Yard Sale: 3773 main street, Sparta

We will sell fine pottery from the local pottery shop. Memorabilia from China, India, Japan, etc. Will serve refreshments.

Job offer!!! Work as an waiter at the Super Llama Cafe! Great pay, awesome co-workers! Don’t waste time, call now for a job interview.


Apollo is sick!

The god of healing went out yesterday for a jog, and came back with the chicken pox! He claims that it’s just red marker, but then he started to itch! Obviously, healing only goes so far

Demeter’s flower garden wilts!

Demeter woke up one day to see that her flowers were brown! Her gardening skills have declined over the years, but never has one of her flowers died! She blames Hermes

Letter to the Editor, Zeus

Dear Zeus,

As the messenger of the gods, I think it is due time that I get a new power. I need other stuff to do, other than fly around delivering messages. Maybe I could control light, or rainbows. Rainbows are fast like news! Make me goddess of rainbows!

Sincerely, Iris.