WEEK 2 DI$H

Heartbreaks & Heartthrobs

Coaches Corner

Week 2 is done. Six of us are probably very happy and six of us are probably very sad. For those who are sad...STFU, no one cares. You shouldn't have been drinking Fireball and eating late night Mickey D's on draft night.

Anyways, I'm new to this Smore shit, I thought I would try it out...So bare with me bitches.

First I would like to point out that Christopher Aleman and the defending champion, Nick Sanchez, scored a combined, gruesome 113.48 points. If you guys joined forces and created a week #2 super team, my team along with two others would have still beat you. Is there a Late Night remedial league?! Fuck off. Be better boys.

On the other side of pretend football, the high score of the week was Thompson "BabyFace" Lee, putting up an impressive 124.88 points. Well done, Sir.

Kris Rogan also got in on the W column. I'm not sure if Gagan was feeling over-confident after his week #1 ass raping or he was drinking too much happy juice, but he sat the leading fantasy week #2 QB, Aaron Rodgers. Bold strategy that didn't pay off, Cotton.

I would just like to point out, that is exactly what cmgameday's roster looked like this past weekend:

In...Jurrrrr...eeeeee

Who would have thought the Injury Train would have come as early as Week #2? But then again who would have thought Steven Jackson would have even made it to Week #2? He is my bag of dicks of the week.

More notable roster fuck ups:

  • Reggie Bush (knee injury)
    • Took a helmet to his knee
    • Bush says he shouldn't be out "long"
  • Steven Jackson (quad/thigh injury)
    • Missed most of the Falcons game vs. Rams
    • Out at least a few weeks
  • Ray Rice (hip flexor)
    • Non-contact injury
    • Injured it in fourth quarter of Browns game
    • Bernard Pierce has been breathing down his neck for playing time since late last season...
  • Eddie Lacy (concussion)
  • Maurice Jones-Drew (ankle)
    • Same foot his had surgery on last season
    • They don't "think" it's related
  • Larry Fitzgerald (hamstring)
    • Had to leave the game vs. Lions
    • Told reporters he would "definitely" play in Week 3
  • Andre Johnson (concussion)
    • Took shot to the head in the fourth quarter vs. Titans
  • Roddy White (high ankle sprain)
    • He's active on Sundays, but he's not active
  • Danny Amendola (torn muscles in hips/legs)
    • Doctors are giving Amendola conflicting reports that he may have a sports hernia
    • Sports hernia surgery would put him on the shelf for 4-6 weeks
  • Malcom Floyd (neck - out indefinitely)
    • Taken off the field on stretch and transported to local hospital
    • He'll be in a neck brace this week
  • Vernon Davis (hamstring strain)
    • Pulled up lame in the fourth quarter of the 49ers game vs. Seahawks and did not return
  • Martellus Bennett (shoulder)
    • Injured shoulder crashing into camera in the end zone


Week #2 Matchups

OC Sharks vs. Dolla&aTeam
Final Score: 117.70 - 64.88
Well this was entertaining...I got up for my Sunday morning ritual which starts with taking a short jog around 9:00am to prep my mind mentally for the fantasy beat down i'm about to hand out. By far, this was the easiest...& for that I thank you. It's a humbling fact knowing that when the 10am games come to rest, you have the W in the bag. I will say a big FUCK YOU to Nick's WR Antonio Brown who caught two passes in the last 45 seconds for 30-something yards giving Thompson the Biggest Blowout this week. Greedy bastard...I hope Big Ben showed you what time it was in the shower after the game.

Redemption for last years Championship game? I think so.

Food for thought: David Wilson deserves a spot on your bench, he was running with both his hands on the ball as if it was his first time holding one. Figure it out Wilson.

Foozballers vs cmgameday
Final Score: 99.36 - 48.60
The only reason I continued to keep an eye on this matchup was because I wanted to see if it was possible for someone to score under 50 fantasy points in a week. What do you know! At least you won something Commish, kinda. Only thing worthy of mention on cmgameday's roster is Chicago's Defense putting up more than a fourth of his points...13...against AP & Friends. For the Foozballers Randall Cobb, 18.80 point, had a field day as Aaron Rodgers ejaculated all over fantasy scoreboards world wide this weekend. Cj Spiller also saw some decent numbers, but the story in buffalo is still the same for now at least...& Freddy Jackson is still a touchdown vulture.

Spotlight_bz_III vs Wacko Flacco
Final Score: 124.88 - 71.82
Thompson received a few honors this week. Highest Score and Biggest Blowout. Congrats Cupcake. The strangest thing I saw while reviewing this matchup was that Payton Manning didn't even reach his projected stat total. Anyways, Megatron and JULIOOOOOO led the way this week. Julio is a fantasy money maker right now, especially with the absence of Roddy White in the WR core. Not many of Derek's players reached or came close to their projected totals, he can only hope Reggie Bush's injury isnt too serious and is eligible to be in the lineup come week #3.

BLOODBATH&BEYOND vs GENOcide
Final Score: 99.36 - 86.70
Watching this matchup, I thought it was over since early Sunday morning...but leave it up to Marshawn Skittles Lynch to throw up a absurd 31.50 fantasy points to make it seem the matchup was much closer than it really was. Lester's studs of the week were Matty Ice, Doug Martin, Greg Olsen, and Denver Defense. Geno...well Geno had Marshawn Lynch.

Boston TD Party vs TheSlowKnifeTwerk
Final Score: 109.18 - 81.58
This was actually one of the more interesting matchups this week...until Jimmy Graham tore a hole is Jeff H's heart, team, and asshole. By far the best TE performance of the week with 23.90 points. Jeff saw his QB Kaepernick was really missing his WR's Mario Manningham and Mike Crabtree vs that dreaded Seattle Defense Sunday night. Pierre Garcon did double his projected fantasy points this week with 20 for the SlowKnife, but Argel proved to be a better team this week with consistent solid performances by majority of his roster.

Strictly Business vs Oilers

Final Score: 119.74 - 108.88
Well first off you muts, let me start by saying..Kris Rogan delivered the best Smack Talk of the season in the midst of this matchup. It read, "Looks like someone started the wrong QB this week." (That someone was Gagan...shhhhh) Geez-us Christ. Step up your fantasy football mouths (Lester's dick comments don't really count). This is the only 16 weeks of the year you can legitimately talk as much shit as you want without worrying about them de-friending you on facebook or changing their numbers. Fuck me. Anyways, Gagan had a mental lapse and started Eli "Wah-Wah" Manning over Aaron Rodgers, which gave Rogan the hole to push both teams to a 1-1 record through 2 weeks. Both teams had solid overall weeks. Best performance for Kris goes to DeShawn "I'm A Crip Ass Nigga" Jackson. For those of you who don't know what i'm talking about (See Below). As for Gagan, this week was all about Knowshon Moreno and Seattle Defense.


The spice will ONLY get spicer. It's nothing personal, just be better.

Peace Bitches.