Week 5: Stamkos is out
Seriously, Austin pay attention
Fantasy manager to take Austin's place
Hey look who it is
Waiver Wire Update
Line of the Night
Tuesday: THAT IS NOT AN ELBOW: 4g, 5a, +7, 16pim, 3ppp, 32sog, 40fw, 9hit, 9blk
Wednesday: Joan Smoothers: 2g, 3a, +5, 15pim, 1ppp, 17sog, 10hit, 8blk
Thursday: The Cat's Meow: 2g, 3a, +7, 6pim, 1ppp, 25sog, 57fw, 15hit, 6blk
Friday: NeonDion PewpMachine: 3g, 4a, +1, 2pim, 2ppp, 18sog, 12fw, 15hit, 4blk, 0.92gaa, 34sv, .971sv%
Saturday: CatPasey: 4g, 6a, +2, 8pim, 2ppp, 34sog, 43fw, 22hit, 10blk, 2.00gaa, 24sv, .923sv%
Sunday: The Malkin-g Dead: 2g, 6a, +5, 6pim, 3ppp, 21sog, 28fw, 10hit, 3blk
Week 5 Matchups
Nesting sites not suitable for either suitor (ELBOWs 6, Fiber 6):
At least for me this felt like a legitimate playoff matchup, from the Addisonian spreadsheet madness to anguishing over adds to constantly touching myself. The little diamond mine in my butt was halted Sunday night, however, as this epic standoff ended in a (fitting) tie. I could say that my Carter Hutton add single handedly fucked me, as I would have won saves and not been so clearly fucked on GAA. I then had to go into scramble mode, but Chris was right with me on many categories - including faceoffs (?!?!). I remember last season you had 25 face offs for an entire matchup, now you have 169. I swear, when I find out who is managing Chris's team....I'm gonna shake his hand....or her hand. Former ELBOW draft pick Paul Stastny is still in a groove, and Kyle Turris of all people fucked me as well. Chris once again crushes the goalie stats, and through five weeks is leading all goalie categories except shutouts. Praise be for Rask's shutout on Monday, though - Ryan you can stuff that in your Bucket and shoot it right into your lungs.
I'd also like to highlight my stellar -14 on Sunday. That's great stuff.
Be better Austin (Droplets 10, Dead 2):
Shut up Ryan.
Daem beat dat pussy up (Hot Ice 7, Meow 5):
ALL HAIL THE RETURN OF THE PEWPMACHINE (NeonDion 9, Joan 3):
The Schaudenfreude tendencies in me actually wanted Pete to lose solely based on the fact that he sat Giroux's first goal of the season (in addition to another Taylor Hall goal), after whining like a little bitch about Giroux playing like a 10 year old girl for a month. Hey. Pete. Shut the fuck up. Then trade me Giroux for Kevin Bieksa. Then let's get some King Yen and make this official.
Five weeks late, $40 short (Pasey 9, Charzy 3):
Charlie's first week back in the saddle probably didn't go quite as planned, but hey 11fw is a good start. Charlie sat half of Brodeur's shutouts, and could have made it competitive had he played both of them. Pat's goalie stats were pretty impressive at 1.67gaa, 73sv, .936sv%, as were his offensive stats at 13g, 19a. Zetterberg led the Bonerz with 3g, 3a, and is just dying to land on the Dangleberries. AO and Duchene led the Paseys, but uh oh down goes Quick with a lower body injury.
Week 5 Awards
Shut Up: Hot Ice Beast, The Malkin-g Dead, Dangleberry Droplets
From the Grave: NeonDion PewpMachine
Week 6 Predictions
Dangleberry Frenzy: If anyone can put an end to this ridiculous carnival of freeloading, it's Chris Mertens. Ryan you need to shut up and kiss me. Frenzy 8, Droplets 4
Malkin-g Beast: Austin I don't have any faith in you. Plus Saksen's team is actually pretty good. Beast 8, Dead 4
Pasey's Meow: MMMM it's the annual Cat Off, very highly anticipated. Both teams now have injured primary goalies, so let's see who can land the first Carter Hutton bomb. I'm gonna say it's Catboi. Pasey 7, Meowz 6
Smooth Bonerz: Charlie's first full week should see quite a few seksi moves, but he's going up against Move Man #1 in BriChi. Let's get it on Joan 7, Zamz 5
Eat mai buTT,