Love Vs. Arranged Marriages

Can Love be Arranged?


So the question is, is it better to be married for love or to be arranged by family members.

The ideology known as cultural Norm presents the idea that certain values and belief must be held within a society. Failure to comply with these norms could lead to harsh or severe punishment, banishment or exclusion from society. By definition cultural norms are “behavior patterns that are typical of specific groups.” .


India’s arranged marriages are planned by the relatives, and sometimes even friend of relatives. Finding a suitable partner is important not only for the happiness of the couple, but also for the honor of the bride's family” (Zuffoletti, 2007). As for the country of India their mentality about marriage is that a wedding is not just the coming together of two people but rather two souls. In fact, a wedding also brings two families closer. Many young women in these cultures are great supporters of arranged marriages They would not go about marriage any other way. For example

in chapter 12 in the book of “Mate Selection Across Cultures” by Raenn R. Hamon and Bron B. Ingolds a young Indian woman was asked “Don't you care who you marry?” In response she stated: “Of course I care, this is why I must let my parents choose a boy for me. My marriage is too important to be arranged by such an inexperienced person as myself.”

My fear would be the fact that, that person may be someone to live up to my parent’s expectations and not mines. I agree and accept the fact that I am young and inexperienced. However, what is a marriage without love? This young girl seems to be just fearful of wrong picking; not realizing that the parents also may do the same.

First comes Marriage then comes Love.

Single In India: First Comes Marriage, Then Comes Love


The views of an arranged marriage and why many prefer it, is truly shown here. However, this video is somewhat biased based on the fact that it had been been taken place in the country of India where arranged marriages are common.Therefore, it is most definitely not a surprise these young women would have such thoughts behind arranged marriages.

The Escape:

In an article titled “Fleeing Arranged Marriage” a young Indian women began her story saying:

“Young women should not be forced to choose between family honour and freedom. “I used to keep a small suitcase under my bed packed with a toothbrush, spare clothes and photos all the things a 14-year-old thinks she might need if she has to run away. Those were frightening, panicky days."

At fourteen even with the option of running due to an arranged marriage, I’m not sure where to run off to.

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Coming to America

In this specific scene as a viewer you can see and feel the love between the two. Originally Akeem (Eddie Murphy) had been arranged by his parents to marry someone else. This scene is a great illustration of that love is better and more powerful than arranged marriages.
un prince a new york mariage

Home of the... Love Birds

As opposed to India, in America it is the norm for two people to fall in love, get married and then decide they no longer want to be together. According to Zuffoletti (2007) “The U.S. couples said that being in love was a strong indication of whether their marriage was good- or going to be good.” Which is definitely true because love is the foundation to many things especially marriage. The matter of fact is most Americans and westerners would agree they would not marry due to pressure of culture and they would not get married unless love is involved.

Love happens to be one of the riskiest chances American’s want to take. “It is better to have loved than to not have loved at all.”

Just about a year ago from New York Daily News a couple from Fairfield Connecticut had become famous for being together for 81 years. John was 101 years and Ann was 97. When asked how they managed to be together so long, Ann’s daughter stated: “It's no big deal being married 80 years when you're in love." The New York Daily article mentioned:

“John and Ann met as children, and John would often drive Ann to school. Ann's parents arranged for her to marry someone else, but the couple defied their wishes and eloped. They were going against all odds," said Renee Betar, one of the couple's daughters. She describes her mother's decision as difficult, but the right one "when there's no other way but love."

This article clearly demonstrates that there is no better marriage when the two people marry for love and not upon the wishes of others. Ann clearly found herself and took a risk that many be afraid to take. Then again they had no fear simply love to lead them.

Moreover arranged marriages subjugate women by depriving them of real choice and finding real love. “It can be manipulation of the mind: a girl is told she is being selfish choosing her own spouse” (Dias, 2010). That is exactly what it is, a young female is told at an early age who she is to become and be married to. Growing it becomes something they find as normal. Unknowing of that they could have the option of falling in love. “When parents fear that breaking with tradition will dishonour their family name, they may turn to coercion (Dias, 2010).

Towards the end of that article I rejoiced as I read that although she went against her parents’ wishes just to honor the family’s name, however, she did not regret because she married the man of her choice. Love is the number one element in life. Love is what keeps all things together. Love marriages are better than arranged marriages, only the individual is knowledgeable of whom is best for them.

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You have an option!