Love Vs. Arranged Marriages
Can Love be Arranged?
India’s arranged marriages are planned by the relatives, and sometimes even friend of relatives. Finding a suitable partner is important not only for the happiness of the couple, but also for the honor of the bride's family” (Zuffoletti, 2007). As for the country of India their mentality about marriage is that a wedding is not just the coming together of two people but rather two souls. In fact, a wedding also brings two families closer. Many young women in these cultures are great supporters of arranged marriages They would not go about marriage any other way. For example
in chapter 12 in the book of “Mate Selection Across Cultures” by Raenn R. Hamon and Bron B. Ingolds a young Indian woman was asked “Don't you care who you marry?” In response she stated: “Of course I care, this is why I must let my parents choose a boy for me. My marriage is too important to be arranged by such an inexperienced person as myself.”
My fear would be the fact that, that person may be someone to live up to my parent’s expectations and not mines. I agree and accept the fact that I am young and inexperienced. However, what is a marriage without love? This young girl seems to be just fearful of wrong picking; not realizing that the parents also may do the same.
First comes Marriage then comes Love.
In an article titled “Fleeing Arranged Marriage” a young Indian women began her story saying:“Young women should not be forced to choose between family honour and freedom. “I used to keep a small suitcase under my bed packed with a toothbrush, spare clothes and photos all the things a 14-year-old thinks she might need if she has to run away. Those were frightening, panicky days."
At fourteen even with the option of running due to an arranged marriage, I’m not sure where to run off to.
Coming to America
Home of the... Love Birds
Love happens to be one of the riskiest chances American’s want to take. “It is better to have loved than to not have loved at all.”
Just about a year ago from New York Daily News a couple from Fairfield Connecticut had become famous for being together for 81 years. John was 101 years and Ann was 97. When asked how they managed to be together so long, Ann’s daughter stated: “It's no big deal being married 80 years when you're in love." The New York Daily article mentioned:
“John and Ann met as children, and John would often drive Ann to school. Ann's parents arranged for her to marry someone else, but the couple defied their wishes and eloped. They were going against all odds," said Renee Betar, one of the couple's daughters. She describes her mother's decision as difficult, but the right one "when there's no other way but love."
This article clearly demonstrates that there is no better marriage when the two people marry for love and not upon the wishes of others. Ann clearly found herself and took a risk that many be afraid to take. Then again they had no fear simply love to lead them.Moreover arranged marriages subjugate women by depriving them of real choice and finding real love. “It can be manipulation of the mind: a girl is told she is being selfish choosing her own spouse” (Dias, 2010). That is exactly what it is, a young female is told at an early age who she is to become and be married to. Growing it becomes something they find as normal. Unknowing of that they could have the option of falling in love. “When parents fear that breaking with tradition will dishonour their family name, they may turn to coercion (Dias, 2010).
Towards the end of that article I rejoiced as I read that although she went against her parents’ wishes just to honor the family’s name, however, she did not regret because she married the man of her choice. Love is the number one element in life. Love is what keeps all things together. Love marriages are better than arranged marriages, only the individual is knowledgeable of whom is best for them.
You have an option!
Shelley, N. G. (2013, February 5). After nearly 81 years together, Connecticut couple recognized as ‘longest married’ in U.S. - NY Daily News. Retrieved from http://www.nydailynews.com/news/national/81-years-couple-recognized-longest-married-u-s-article-1.1256063
Fleeing arranged marriage. (2010, September 16). Age [Melbourne, Australia], p. 19. Retrieved from http://ic.galegroup.com/ic/ovic/NewsDetailsPage/NewsDetailsWindow?failOverType=&query=&prodId=OVIC&windowstate=normal&contentModules=&display-query=&mode=view&displayGroupName=News&limiter=&currPage=&disableHighlighting=false&displayGroups=&sortBy=&search_within_results=&p=OVIC&action=e&catId=&activityType=&scanId=&documentId=GALE%7CA278195437&source=Bookmark&u=udel_main&jsid=825f7f7cc95f2779563d49267448579a
YourTango. (2009, July 2). Single In India: First Comes Marriage, Then Comes Love [Video file]. Retrieved from https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V30j0g0_aoo
un prince a new york mariage [Video file]. (2010, June 7). Retrieved from https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i2FF7Y7Rqk8