The AMSTUD Times
Concerning The Capture of Major André
The Capture of Major André by Asher Durand, 1845
Story Truth By: Ryan Sklar
Happening Truth By: Trace Mersbach
This is true.
There was once a real nice guy in the British army. A rising major. Knew him real well, too. Real gifted at art, and literature; a real sophisticated man. Everyone loved him. Even George Washington loved him. Imagine that, George Washington admiring a British major.
In any case, this guy loves Britain so much that he goes out to make sure that others do, too. Only the guy he wanted to bring around was Benedict Arnold, the American general. I mean, guy was real mad, to want to get on the losing side of a war. Course, nobody knew that yet. But anyway, this guy sneaks into West Point off a British warship, and manages to convince him to surrender the fort. Takes real talent, really. He was always a charmer. He slept in Ben Franklin’s house, isn’t that something? Real loved. Always could charm anyone, ladies, men, all the rest. Real Renaissance man. Why was he in the army, instead of the library. Didn’t matter. Right after his mission, the Americans force the warship out, and now he’s stuck. Bummer for him, huh.
So he tries to get out by land, sneaking past with Arnold’s papers, dressed like an American. He gets close enough, but then these militiamen stop him. Shook him down, found the papers in his boots. He got tricked into confessing who he was, too. Weird, the intellectual getting tricked like that. But he was a nice guy, well enough, so I guess he wasn’t careful enough. In any case, they took him back to town. Poor guy, there was only one real punishment for spying. Even in his last hours, he spends his time committing himself to the arts- making self-portraits and contemplating artistic values. How else would an artist like him, meet his end?
So a few days later, they put him to death. They pushed him off with a rope around his neck, and the world lost a great artist, a writer, and a mind. A beautiful mind. Why is it that the best guys always gotta die soon? Real shame. I think we all miss him.What a filthy traitor.