Week 8: Trick or Treat


News and Notes

I think the highlight of the weekend goes to our dear old friend Mrs. Commish, who at 3:45am Sunday morning tried to beat down my door SWAT team-style, dressed like a peacock. Why you ask?

Because she burned Mike's pizza rolls and he was chasing her all over downtown Davis.

Jk, she's a nicotine addict. It's okay though Jess, we all do stupid shit when we're drunk. I poop in cardboard boxes, Pete poops in bushes, Brown pees on everything, and Mike sleeps on rox. Or here in cave.

Oh ps, guess what? The longer I wait to write the dish....the shorter is it. SUCK IT

Week 8 Matchupzzzz

If it ain't broke, go fuck yourself (Vick 134, Manginas 116):

Surprise, surprise, the Commish Fave giners lost. I am now riding a four game losing streak, as well as a mean fantasy dongle. It's times like these I'm glad I never followed through with a Tier 3, cuz I might as well get my bitch ass to steppin right now.

When do I get to play Kyle again?

The cruelest part of this matchup was that I was actually leading for a surprising amount of the weekend. I started off strong with a rock hard Cam TBSin' up and down the field, only to watch Eli derp his way to zero TDs. My WRs of course did nothing, and my defense was my second highest scorer at 22. Spencer crushed the RB game 43-23, and supplemented that with the obligatory 25+ game from the legitimate Manning brother. Go taze yourself Spencer.

Austin you're terrible (You Got 158, Poke 102):

Low score goes to A-Shway this week, congrats on dem. Even with Zack's zero in the Michael Vick slot, he put up 158 mostly thanks to Stafford, Jordy, and (seriously wtf) Dan Bailey. Eat a dick Zack. Austin double dipped for zeroes in the WR game, and banked on Terrelle Pryor to be his biggest points getter. That probrem no fix easy.

A pack a day keeps Shane Nelson away (Hubris 137, Utes 115):

Jess cruised to a 22 point victory this week, and would like to thank Pall Malls for their generous sponsorship.

And Jess, just for the future:

Y U No Like Chz Tutz? (Hate 159, Tatas 121):

High score of the week goes to Omar, big surprise. PONDER GOT MORE POINTS THAN ELI?!?! FUCK ME IN MY FAT ASS WITH A GARDEN SPADE.

And Calvin fucking Johnson, sweet sassy molassy. Congrats Omar, I can't wait for you and Matt to swap spots next year. Greg your team didn't do shit but scored more than mine so wah. Ps, sweet two TE set while sitting Graham, who tripled your combined TE starters. Too much tinker, not enough stinker. Let's see some more stinker this week. Spread those butt cheeks wide, take a few pix, send em on over. I grade on creativity.

Kyle worst (Juggz 141, Bros 104):

Kyle, you're dipping into team name change territory, here. Might I offer some suggestions:

  1. Tri Harder
  2. Swim, Bike, and Trade Me McCoy for Dwayne Bowe
  3. Gay Chicken All Starz
  4. Matt Brown is Looking for a RB

Still not a whole lot going on with Kyle's team; in fact I don't recognize most of his players. Steve on the other hand blossomed into a beautiful Juggernut this week, proving to everyone that he can in fact beat the last place team handily.

Steve strong RB. Kyle bad WR. Steve Greek hard. Kyle divorced man.

Week 9 Projections

Jugg Mangina: After Steve's most recent week, I'm pretty scared. I'm also scared because my team is actually not a team at all; it's an aborted first trimester goat fetus. Juggz 133, Mangs 119

Kibbles and Sandusky: This should be a good showdown. What are you gonna do with Peyton out, Spencer???? Oh, you're gonna start McCown. I'm sure he'll get more points than Eli. Jerry 144, Vick 130

Vaginal Pokemon: Austin I'm not 100% sure you know that you have a ffb matchup this week. I think Jess is gonna puff puff pass her way to a victory this week. Hubris 128, Poke 107

Tata's Utes: Shane will have the upper hand in the QB department; Greg will have the hand in his pants. Wait, no that's me. And it'll be both hands. Schme's 120, Queso 116

Eskimo Hate: Uh oh, scoreboard Kyle as this goes to press. Better take a picture. Hate 138, Brothers 110