I encounter many parents and guardians bringing their children and teens to therapy due to anxiety and/or depression symptoms. They simply want their children to be happy, productive, and well adjusted. As a parent myself, this is something I personally identify with. Often, I usually spend and good amount of time with parents and guardians to provide them guidance and support on adjusting their expectations and responses to help their child or loved one with mood management and coping skills. If you have young children, adolescents, or anyone in your life who is struggling with stress or symptoms of depression and anxiety, here are a few tips to help:
1) Become an active listener: if someone tells you how they are feeling, even if its NOT positive, hear them. Work on refraining from telling them reasons why they should not feel the way they do. Remember what it feels like to have someone ACTUALLY listen to you without judgement or criticism? By practicing active listening, you are not only supporting your loved one, you are modeling empathy and positive communication skills.
2) Work hard to stay away from the fix: Often when children and teens come to us with a problem, our first instinct is to help them. But by jumping in to fix feelings or whatever the problem is, we are preventing them from awareness and the experience that will help them develop necessary problem solving and decision-making skills. Ask yourself…how did you learn the many things that have helped you become independent, social, productive? It was through those sometimes-difficult experiences that you have learned to navigate life’s journey.
3) Quality over quantity: When we are with our loved ones, it becomes important to connect with them (see #1). But along with listening, it is also important to be sure you are mentally and emotionally present when you are with them. You can turn 15 to 30 minutes into something meaningful if you can tune out other external and internal distractions and interruptions and focus on who you are with.
4) Normalize ALL feelings: one thing I hear most from people is that they want to be happy. Well of course!! We all do!! They do NOT want to feel sad, anxious, angry, depressed etc. However, ALL of these emotions (as long as they do not interfere with healthy functioning) are a part of life. If your child, teen, or any loved one is unhappy, listen to what is going on with them without trying to “fix” the feeling (see #2). Sometimes things happen in life that are sad or make you angry, or anxious. Each of these feelings, although negative, can be a valid and necessary form of expression in a given situation.
During these strange and uncertain times, understanding that completely trying to eliminate negative thoughts and feelings, is unrealistic and often can increase symptoms of depression and anxiety. In realizing that we CAN cope with difficult emotions and not only be OK, but hopeful, productive and positive is how we can begin to get OK with NOT being OK.
