#youmatter

Connie

My Genuis

I don't think i have one, but i do enjoy learning about philosophy and astronomy. I don't know why, but its so interesting to learn about these things. I also love history. Maybe i should be a historian. or an archaeologist. I have a frame of mind, without the past, there wouldn't be a present or a future. Its really fascinating and something i love. I passed all my social studies classes, i didn't get an A but i did pass them.



What Breaks Your Heart

There are a couple of things that truly break my heart. This goes beyond boyfriends and friends. My brother just got released out of prison and was sent to county here in bluffs. He was released yesterday. My mom had my niece Angelize and nephew Zeydin dropped off to see him. My niece was very excited to see him, but she was just a little overwhelmed. She started crying her heart out and it really just, was horrible to see. I had to leave the room. When angelize and zeydin left me and my brother decided to talk about it, he promised this was the last time he gets locked up and he is going to start being a big brother to me and my sister, and start being a better dad.

My whole life i never knew my big brother, and i never knew what it was like to have a male figure in my life. It brings tears to my eyes just typing this. Its really different for me and my niece to actually have him back in our life. Knowing my brother is actually going to be my brother, its heartbreaking to me. I don't know how else to explain it. My brother is someone and something that breaks my heart.


What are you Greatest Fears

One of my greatest fears is growing up. my other is losing my sister. I want to be able to become an adult that will please my mother. I know that i can't do that and it scares me. I just want the women who gave birth to me, to say “mija am proud of you”. that's all i want. It has not happened yet, and it probably won't. I am scared of becoming an adult that's always going to be disappointing. Or even worse a worthless adult, not having anything to show. that's pretty scary for me.

Losing my sister is my worst nightmare. I love my sister to death and she is like my mother. She raised my since birth and she gave up her childhood for me. That means alot to me. I never want to lose her. Knowing she is here when i need her makes my first fear seem like its nonexistent. I love my big sister and am happy she is still here. She is a great adult, she is assistant manager of taco johns, she is 21 years old, she graduated high school, and she is a wonderful artist. I would not be here if my sister wasn't.

Biggest Dreams

My biggest dream is to have a family. I want to be married and have children, and have a home that i can call my own. Its my dream, because i can call it MINE. My husband, my children, my house, and my life. It dosent sound like much, but to me its all i could ask for. I want to be able to say "ahh i get to go home". I know that's not what it is going to be like when i have it, but at least its mine. I don't have much of a family now, and it brings a smile to my face when i think about the fact that i can actually make one. I can have one of my own. Family means a lot to someone who dose not have one. One day i will have one and i will be thankful.