The Pedestrian

Issue No. 1

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A Blog About Nothing?

An ordinary blog/paper tries to be about everything, but this is obviously not an ordinary blog. In fact we will pride ourselves for our obscurity and will try to bring this crazy word, Creativity, (AHHHHHHH!), back into our society. Continuing in this mindset, we will explore the realm of NOTHING!!!! Can it be done? I guess we'll know soon enough, so, if you don't mind, I'm going to move on now... Nothing doesn't write itself! Or Does It?

Here Goes NOTHING!

Pedestrian?

"Pedestrians are boring." -said nobody ever

'What', you're saying, 'Pedestrians are the most boring thing ever!' First off, that's very insulting, authors are people too! Now that we are past your rudeness, I can tell you that you are horribly mistaken! Well, I guess I can't blame you... the pedestrians you were thinking of are in fact very boring, but I am talking about Pedestrians! Not the wimpy people who walk because they're 'too cool' for a bike or truck. No, these are the pedestrians that rule the small non-existing swamps of Eastern Africa. These are the pedestrians that are.......(drum roll please).......SMALL LIZARDS! Don't question it, trust the guy you've never met who is communicating via the internet. Duh. If your having questions on what pedestrians look like I will now refer you to our picture of Peddy, our mascot at the top of the page, but they can also be orange and are extremely fast. Oh yeah they also like very mini golf and will only leave their burrows between noon and on third Thursday of the month. So, in short, now you should be going 'yeah Mr. Author! Pedestrians are awesome! I finally know what I'm going to be for Halloween!' and to that I say: told 'ya so.

Afterword

Normally, our articles will be centered around a certian topic and will be much more in depth, but seeing as this is the first issue and the topic is a paper that hasn't even started yet, the content level will be somewhat lacking rather than publishing a single article with two subjects-thats just too intense-we will instead just finish with a short section to humor you with the (not at all) essential information about our authors. Please contact us at mark.of.the.awesome@gmail.com or TheFallVeil@gmail.com if you have comments or wish to get future issues.


  • Issue 2 coming soon
  • We hope to achieve a whole 3 person fanbase by the end of Issue No. 3

Meet the Authors!

Peddy

Although he won't be doing much writting, I thought it was important to include him, being our mascot and all. Peddy has come far from his humble pedestrian beginnings in his home swamp, where Peddy was a very talented basket weaver from an early age. When he was old enough he packed up his life and moved to Minnesota to become a professional weaver (Why? 'cuz pedestrian). Now he spends his time posing for upcoming blogs and is very busy being nonexistent (plot twist!!!!!).

E.P.L

What do the initials stand for? The world may never know, so go crazy guessing. I try my best to not be an angry narrator, but it is very hard when you are surrounded by idiots... grrrrrr. Oh, and as a side note my spealing izent ka greateist (hehe) so if you are reading and come across an utterly disgusting attempt to spell a word, I wrote that article. My areas of expertise come in anything Star wars, Harry Potter, US history, Star wars, and pears, along with large reserves of utterly moosless information and bad puns... Oh, did I mention Star wars?


Contact at: mark.of.the.awesome@gmail.com

TheFallVeil

Where do they come up with these names? Well, young grasshopper, the answer is neurons, but that probably isn't what you had in mind. Anyway, things I like are:


  • Music
  • YouTube
  • TV shows
  • Marvel Cinematic Universe
  • Dark sarcasm
  • Going off on tangents
  • Cringing at E.P.L.'s spelling
  • Weak attempts at humor
  • Semi-meta bulleted lists


To contact: Find a blood red flower with an even number of petals. At midnight on the night of a full moon, go outside, place the flower down in front of you, and chant these words 13 times: "Stultus ego crudulus". Alternatively, you could talk to me via Tumblr: thefallveil (I don't post much but I might start idk) or email me: TheFallVeil@gmail.com

Bibiliography

"Iguana Clipart." Cliparts. N.p., 01 Jan. 2016. Web. 05 May 2016.


"Jack Skellington Photo: Jack Skellington." Jack Skellington. N.p., n.d. Web. 06 May 2016.


"Alexander Hamilton Art: Gifts & Merchandise." Redbubble. N.p., n.d. Web. 05 May 2016