Week 15: Good riddance

You stupid butt face milkshakes

It is with little-to-moderate sadness that I begin the end of this season's dish writing. There is of course some news to talk about in Tier 2 after this past week's events:

Mike and Jess got a dog!

Ugh, not another Simba.

Also, Jess and Spencer will be moving up to Tier 1. Let's all get ready for a whole lot of this:

Could Mike be any higher on coke?? Good lord.

News from Tier 1

As we all know, the two dumbest idiots from Tier 1 get banished into our netherworld of fantasy diddling. Let's see who will be joining us next year:

Matthew "Mr. Mom" Brown

Lacey "lol" Cobb

You've obviously read of their misadventures through Mike's 'dishes', and no one is one bit surprised. But with low expectations come meager responsibilities. That is why I will be passing on the Tier 2 Dish-writing crown to Matt next year. Seeing as I will be away at med school next year, and can handle only one Dish at a time (hockey), Matt will fulfill one of his 9 life-long dreams of being part of the Dish writing community. Heavy is the head that wears the crown, and the rectum that supports the anal beads. Matt, I wish unto you nothing but the most vitriolic criticism of what I'm sure will be sub-par dish writing.

And hey, they couldn't get any worse than mine though amirite??

Pps, if you thought mine were bad, omg you should read Pete's.

Week 15 Matchups

Xtra chz plz (Tatas 165, Manginas 126):

Once again....just happy I scored more than 100. The Cheese Machine had a pretty sassy week, using EJ Manuel and the Cleveland D to rub my team's ineptitude in my face. All single digits for my WRs? Wouldn't have it any other way.

Fuck my butt with a shovel (Vag Attack 229, Sandusky 166):

Sweet sassy molassy did Jess choose a good week to put up what is probably the season-high score in either Tier (fact checker Mike is on it). Just when Zack thought that Foles brought him to the land of milk and boners, Jamaal Charles grabbed him by the short hairs and prolapsed his rectum. And thus was the end of Zack's storied run at Tier 1. He fell into the classic trap of running a train on a league all season long, only to get butt fucked in his first playoff game. That was me last year in fantasy hockey, although I was distracted by an extra seksi bye week retreat. We shall see Zack again next year, and I'm sure he will huff and puff and blow himself once again.

The rumors are true: Spencer does hate Mexicans (Kibbles 197, Hate 179):

But probably not as much as Mike.

A mere 19 points witheld Omar from Tier 1 glory, but alas our solemn friend will remain with us for yet another season. Spencer came through with his vow to make it to Tier 1 after just one season, and I now wish I never went to lunch at Woodstock's that day with him and Mike and opened my fat mouth about Tier 2.

As is tradition (Jugg 150, Schme's 142):

This matchup was more boring than a Dan McMenamin snap chat. In a truly horrid kamikaze mission, Shane finished the season with an L-4, and six losses out of his last eight games. Perhaps getting trAIDS from Zack was the beginning of the end, or maybe it was just pure misfortune. Steve, on the other hand, finished quite strongly, landing him in a solid 6th place (which was enough to make playoffs).

Week 16 Predictions

Vick's Vag: Jess's team exploded in order to get her here, but as we often see in the weeks following a romance explosion, the guy never calls back. Spencer's prophecy of Tier 2 domination will hold true. Kibbles 180, Hubris 140

You Got Hate: Plenty to play for in our third place game. I think Zack's team will be one week late in its bat-dadding. Jerr Bears 177, Don't 152

Suck a wiener,