For those not punny enough
- Some bunny misses you
- You're very bunny
- I hop you enjoy your Easter
- Have some fast food – it’s Good Fry Day!
- Which April holiday is popular with chemists? Ether
- What do you call a pervert in an easter candy factory? A Peep-ing Tom
- Why is easter the best holiday? Because it is Eggcellant and quite eggstraordinary
St. Patty's day Puns
- Irish you a happy St. Patrick day
- I invested in potatoes, because someone said I’d be Dublin my fortune. So Irished everything I had.
- Today, people are drinking enough liquid to turn the O’sheas green.
- What do hamburgers celebrate on the 17th of March? St. Paddies Day
Valentines Day Puns
- All the best Valentine’s gifts are made of wooed.
- It was two heart to get you a present.
- And you thought I never card about you.
- I baked you something special. Cuz all you knead is loaf.
- Let’s have a hearty dinner
- Today is the best day of the year to lose weight, because it’s X-mass!
- Don’t make me box your ears.
- Sorry, that’s a wrap!
- Look who’s stocking now.
- Don’t act Wise Man with me. (Hey, Jesus only got three.)
- Do I detect a note of Presentment?
What should you give a ghost for Christmas? Presence.
What do bad Eskimos get in their stockings for Xmas? A lump of cold.
What do you call a December 25 fog? A Christ-mist
- Obsessed with Halloween? You may have a ghoul-oriented personality. Don’t worry, it just ghost to show you: Witch ever path you choose, zombie-body will disagree. maybe even your mummy.
- On Halloween we will not pun. Instead we make candied observations.
- I went to a comedy show on Hallowe’en. It was a real boohaha!
- What do you call a house that is being shot at? A Hunted house
- What do coyotes put out for halloween? A Jackel-lantern
- Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now.
- I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.
- I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. It's impossible to put down.
- I couldn't quite remember how to throw a boomerang, but eventually it came back to me.
- I'm glad I know sign language, it's pretty handy.
- I used to have a fear of hurdles, but I got over it.
- Did you hear about the guy who got hit in the head with a can of soda? He was lucky it was a soft drink.
- The experienced carpenter really nailed it, but the new guy screwed everything up.
- I was going to look for my missing watch, but I could never find the time.
- I try wearing tight jeans, but I can never pull it off.
- Police were called to a daycare where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.
- No one knew she had a dental implant until it came out in a conversation.
- He drove his expensive car into a tree and found out how the Mercedes bends.
- To write with a broken pencil is pointless.
- When William joined the army he disliked the phrase 'fire at will'.
- My friend was fired from his job at the road department for stealing. I have to say I saw it coming. The last time I was at his house all the signs were there.
- There was once a cross-eyed teacher who couldn't control his pupils.
- There was a big paddle sale at the boat store. It was quite an oar deal.
- Need an ark to save two of every animal? I noah guy.
- A prisoner's favorite punctuation mark is the period. It marks the end of his sentence.
- A bicycle can't stand on its own because it is two-tired.
- I knew a woman who owned a taser, man was she stunning!
- I did a theatrical performance about puns. Really it was just a play on words.
- I used to be addicted to soap, but I'm clean now.
- Sleeping comes so naturally to me, I could do it with my eyes closed.
- I wrote a novel about a fellow who had a small garden. It didn't have much of a plot.
- I relish the fact that you've mustard the strength to ketchup to me.
- Some people's noses and feet are built backwards: their feet smell and their noses run.
- If towels could tell jokes they would probably have a dry sense of humor.
- When Peter Pan punches, they Neverland.
- The roundest knight at king Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference.
- Don't trust people that do acupuncture, they're back stabbers.
- The one who invented the door knocker got a No-bell prize.
- Yesterday I accidentally swallowed some food coloring. The doctor says I'm OK, but I feel like I've dyed a little inside.
- What did the grape say when it got stepped on? Nothing - but it let out a little whine.
- Einstein developed a theory about space, and it was about time too.
- My new theory on inertia doesn't seem to be gaining momentum.
- I usually take steps to avoid elevators.
- When the cannibal showed up late to the luncheon, they gave him the cold shoulder.
- John Deere's manure spreader is the only equipment the company won't stand behind.
- Mummies are bound to be uptight.
- Did you see the movie about the hot dog? It was an Oscar Wiener.
- Did you hear about these new reversible jackets? I'm excited to see how they turn out.
- Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat says to the other, 'You stay here, I'll go on a head.'.
- Pencil sharpeners have a tough life - they live off tips.
- It was an emotional wedding. Even the cake was in tiers.
- I like European food so I decided to Russia over there because I was Hungary. After Czech'ing the menu I ordered Turkey. When I was Finnished I told the waiter 'Spain good but there is Norway I could eat another bite'.
- If you lose your hearing, is it ear replaceable?
- I wanted to lose weight so I went to the paint store. I heard I could get thinner there.
- I've been to the dentist several times so I know the drill.
- It's raining cats and dogs. Well, as long as it doesn't reindeer.
- I really do have a photographic memory -- I just haven't developed it yet.
- The magician got so mad he pulled his hare out.
- He didn't tell his mother that he ate some glue. His lips were sealed.
- A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.
- Jill broke her finger today, but on the other hand she was completely fine.