Even in a healthy relationship, trying to change another person is likely to fail. It’s not only frustrating, but it can be incredibly exhausting. If we force an issue long enough, we may be able to enforce change on someone, but it will never change their heart. It’s much better to focus our energy on something we have more control of: changing ourselves.

When you change yourself, you fundamentally change your relationship.

Here are three questions to help you focus on changing yourself:

•What is more important to me: the relationship or my way of doing or seeing things?

•Are my responses and reactions creating a healthy, positive atmosphere for effective communication and negotiation?

•If they never change, is there anything I can do to alleviate my frustration over our differences?

Whenever two individuals come into relationship, conflict will inevitably happen. This is because each person comes with a set of different desires, likes and dislikes, world-views, habits, and ways of doing things. It's only when two people learn to respect each other—communicating their desires and differences in an honoring way—that they can begin to change their relationship for the better, rather than simply trying to force change on another.