Vaccinations making USA Autistic
By: Jenny Lee, Ammar Adenwalla, Kyle Zatyko
Breaking news. A new study has re-confirmed the widely known fact that vaccines cause autism. This Independent researcher shows his undeniable evidence for this phenomenon in his interview with a person who experienced it herself. This moving story depicts how one individual suffered because she unwittingly followed the advice of her greedy doctor. After watching the video, we must stop and wonder what the world would be like if it was filled with people like her. Given the choice to either live in a world filled with people with measles or one filled with people with autism, 9 out of 10 autistic people would chose the former. Autistic people place a giant burden on society since they cannot care for themselves, whereas people who contract deadly diseases help solve global issues such as world hunger and overpopulation. Furthermore, removing autism from the human race will increase our average IQs.
How Does it Happen?
Dr. Polio, from the highly distinguished University of Phoenix, states the overall initial process of how autism is contracted from the direct contact of vaccines. "Once the needle hits the skin the Fibonacci sequences build up and begin to disintegrate the biomatter within the mitochondria and the organelle releases a lone chromosome into the cerebral cortex, inhibiting any and all extra-potential activity or in other words...autism" he explained.
Fortunately there is a movement that has begun that is trying to fight these evil vaccinations called the Vaccination Liberation Association. The President of the organization describes the struggle as, "A fight for mankind, a fight to keep humanity safe from the corrupt doctors who wish to make all people autistic, even those who are already autistic.". Indeed, the VLA has established a reputable following of various models, vegans, conspiracy theorists, soccer moms, and Californians, surely a diversity to be admired. They work tirelessly to keep the people of America informed about the tens of examples of autism being diagnosed around the time a child had a vaccination shot. Last week they made their first website and it provides an avenue for parents to report their child’s autism for the cause. Even if the parents don’t believe the vaccinations caused the autism they are encouraged to still report because the VLA has discovered many, many new ways for a child to get autism. They want you to know that autism doesn’t have anything to do with the parents at all, if a child gets autism it is clearly someone elses doing. Still, the most important front in the war against autism is the war against the inept and greedy practice of vaccinations.
So remember, next time you go to your family doctor, just say no!
In the article we used logical fallacies such slippery slope and moral equivalence to show how ridiculous some of the arguments by anti-vaccine people can be. Although the arguments are exaggerated, they represent how most of the anti-vaccine arguments lack proper logic and reasoning. Our fallacies undermine the general credibility of the people while at the same time make the article funny and more enjoyable to read. For example the caption under the picture “you might as well be injecting your children with cyanide” is clearly a moral equivalence, yet the audience realizes that the authors are not seriously believing this and are instead using it to portray the people who they are criticizing. The fallacies help bring the focus of the criticism towards the unreasonable logic rather than the ethical and moral concerns of the issue itself. This greatly simplifies the topic for the reader, allowing him to draw parallels between the real issue and metaphor that is being presented. Furthermore, it lightens the mood and keeps the passage from being too harsh negative which is a common problem for arguments that seem so one sided. A less direct approach allows for criticism with less opportunities for retaliation.
The presence of irony is also evident in the underlying tone of the whole article. From the moment the audience reads the first paragraph they are able to detect a sharp tone of mockery and detached manner that creates a humorous take on a topic. This creates a more relaxed attachment to the text as both the author and reader are able to detect the satiric purpose. The fabricated and highly exaggerated description of autistic people as a “giant burden on society since they cannot care for themselves” but not contributing to solving of issues such as “hunger and overpopulation.. [and] increase our average IQs.B