GORILLA STRENGTH TOILET PAPER
It Won't Let You Down!
Every one hates it when you sneeze and the toilette paper rips. Why wipe with shreds? Our scientists back at the lab created a bio-degradable extra-strength secret material that even Gorillas can't rip (except at the perforated edges). This product is made by the same company that produces that extra strength Gorilla Glue that's holding the bumper on your car after that "accident" last weak. With glue that strong, just imagine the power of Gorilla Paper!
"I wouldn't let my four year old use anything but Gorilla Paper" says a random mother interviewed in Pennsylvania "The rest feel like sandpaper by comparison". Out of the 100,000 85% of men and women interviewed after using Gorilla Paper have agreed that no other toilet paper gets the job don half as well. Why waste your time wiping with the competitor's cardboard?