Hear Ye! Hear Ye!

The British Are Coming...And They Didn't Ask Politely!

Man Rides Horse Through Sleepy Community...Wakes Up The Lot Of Them.

Lexington, NY - In the late hours of the evening, much past every decent person's bedtime, a crazed man, most certainly a male witch, was heard screaming "The British Are Coming, The British Are Coming!" at the top of his lungs. The banshee of a man was riding what looked to be a four year old mare, one that would certainly help one's legs on longer trips out of state. The mare, seemingly not part of this wild scheme, seemed to be a pawn in the lunacy that took place right after, when the wild man decided to ring a bell very loudly, in case older members of the town had escaped his vocal nonsense only seconds earlier.

"I was in my bed, sleeping, like any other decent person would be doing at 7 in the night. I was having a dream about a new way of plowing that would be easier on my back, and perhaps make my tuberculosis more agreeable. That's when I awoke so quickly that my wife awoke in the room next door. She was none too pleased to see my face at that hour." said a very troubled and worried Joobadiah Blankenship.

Authorities in a town thirteen miles away still have no suspects, and said they probably never will, as they'd never heard of Lexington, and don't do much beside poke people in the necks with sticks during the church service on Sunday.

The Boston Chronicle

The Boston Chronicle has one ink press and one writer/editor. Most stories are hearsay, and very opinionated, and sometimes finished when there is too little information, which is quite common.