Week 13: Pass me the rock

And see what I do with it

Lines of the Night

Monday: Zamboners: 3g, 3a, +3, 4pim, 1ppp, 14sog, 16fw, 4hit, 3blk


Tuesday: NeonDion PewpMachine: 5g, 12a, +3, 2pim, 8ppp, 30sog, 47fw, 13hit, 11blk


Wednesday: NeonDion PewpMachine: 2g, 3a, +4, 4pim, 8sog, 13fw, 5hit, 3blk


Thursday: Hot Ice Beast: 3g, 7a, +3, 4pim, 3ppp, 23sog, 32fw, 9hit, 11blk, 1.00gaa, 42sv, .955sv%


Friday: SHARPNADO: 3g, 1a, +4, 1ppp, 16sog, 13fw, 5hit, 4blk, 1.00gaa, 52sv, .963sv%, 1sho


Saturday: CatPasey: 5g, 7a, +8, 15pim, 3ppp, 32sog, 30fw, 10hit, 12blk, 2.00gaa, 22sv, .917sv%


Sunday*: Zamboners: 7g, 5a, +8, 4pim, 4ppp, 34sog, 21fw, 16hit, 7blk, 2.77gaa, 17sog, .850sv%


*Honorable mention goes to Hot Ice Beast for Sunday's epic Never Say Never Bieber Fever

Week 13 Matchups

THANK GOD - AUSTIN CHANGED HIS TEAM NAME (ELBOWs 9, 'NADOS 3):

I took advantage of Austin's romp through the sands of late night to glide to an easy 9-3 victory. While Austin was out cracking beer bottles over strippers' heads, I was busy flippin bitches on the wire and makin stax. EFFORTLESSSS


And here's a little glimpse into Austin's Late Nacht Emporium:

How to Skin a Cat: Part 9 (Droplets 7, Meows 5):

Ryan brought his very own brand of Browning to the table this week, and I think we can all agree that it's the seksiest thing any of us have ever ever EVAR seen ;D


"Today, I too, will play like a champion." - Ryan Luzum #Browning #Sochi2014


BEAST MODE UPPER PUNCH (Hot 8, Pasey 4):

Sweet sassy molassy, did Saksen ever pump up the volume and put the funk in the dunk to get the cum in the behind victory over pretty boi Pat. Heading into Sunday Saksen was in bad shape (losing 9-4), then turned the tables super late nite a la Pete Shenkin #restraint with the 3g, 7a, +1, 4pim, 3ppp, 17sog, 41fw, 12hit, 6blk, 45sv night. Pat was of course being dumb somewhere, and couldn't handle the power Saksen was throwing down. Pacioretty went HAM for the Beast, and not even Pat's Elliott shutout could get close to saving him.

Brian takes Flavor Country; Bionic Boner Man nods in approval (Joan 8, Frenzy 4):

Chris just can't seem to catch a break, and although his team is pretty solid on paper, he keeps running into buzzsaw after buzzsaw. Goalie stats were very close, and stream-for-the-cash Addison got the coveted Monday shutout from hometown fave Raanta. Brian now sits right in my dust trail (ugh still), while the loss bumps Chris further down the totem pole and closer to Brown territory (ew).


U chillen or wat (Neon 9, Bonerz 3):

Early in the week Peacock Charlie was sure he was going to pull out this victory. But, just like when he tells you he'll "be there in 20 minutes," you just can't trust it. Pete had other plans, which involved pulling down his pants and doing a phat pewp directly between Charlie's tuts. In Charlie's defense, 25g, 23a is obviously nothing to scoff at. But when Pete puts up 33a you're simply shit out of luck. "Just gotta be faster" ;p


Week 13 Awards

Waiver Wire Wizard: Hot Ice Beast (Hornqvist), THAT IS NOT AN ELBOW (Callahan, all day)


Desk Pop: THAT IS NOT AN ELBOW, NeonDion PewpMachine


Bieber Fever: Hot Ice Beast


Sheriff of Nottingham: NeonDion PewpMachine


Domesticated: Oof, quite the busy week last week in Hot Ice Domestication ;D


1st Place: We'll of course start off with the clear and confident winner, Mr. Joan Smoothers himself - for unlocking a Level 100 Domestication achievement after proposing to his girlfriend (who said yes for whatever fucking reason):


Notice how I'm not one of those 'likes'. Also, I chose this screenshot because a) it proves that they're engaged, and b) it highlights the dumbness of Brian's dumb face


2nd Place: Dangleberry Droplets - for this obvious and flagrant domestication

3rd Place: I think third place can safely go to CatPasey, Fiber Frenzy, and THAT IS NOT AN ELBOW for our Tahoe Winter Wonderland Couples Retreat, even though it wasn't planned that way. Everyone shut the fuck up.


Week 14 Predictions

In four words:


ELBOW Frenzy: Close call lucky shutout ELBOW 7, Frenzy 5


SHARP Droplets: Drunk high penis vipers NADOs 8, Dangles 5


Hot Katz: Be better be better Beast 7, Meows 6


Pewp Smoother: Sell me a hotdog Joan 7, Machine 5


Pasey Boners: Wah wah wah erections Zamz 7, Pasey 5





SUCK ME


G<3d