Pride and Prejudice of DOOM
By, Damion McVey
Modern Re-Script of The Ball
Re-write of The First Ball
Bingley: Yo bro why don't you come dance? These chicks are looking fine!
Darcey: Nah bro, your chicks got a nice ass ill give you that, but other than that these chicks be alright. Besides, thats not even dancing you're just standing there while she wriggles her ass around you.
Bingley: BRO! Twerking is a real dance! why can’t you just accept that and be happy?
Darcey: I'm never happy. Life is pain…. only pain… besides, I need to leave I have a raid with my guild at 8:30. We’re going for the 3rd wing on the Siege of Orgrimmar tonight.
Bingley: Whatever man imma go dance cya at the after party?
Darcey: I told you man, I have a raid, and I wouldn’t know anyone there anyways.
Meanwhile off in the distance at the punch table sits two young and overdramatic teenage girls gossiping about who knows what.
Elizabeth: ...Yeah I heard Kayla broke up with him after he sent a text message to becky that read “Hi ;)” and Becky showed Tiffany who showed Alex who showed Abbee who showed Seirra who showed Breanna who then showed me! Can you believe him!? sending a winky face to another girl.
Random Girl: Yeah! I heard about that! I saw it on Facebook and Twitter but Keith told me it was a misstype and he meant say “Hey :)” with a friendly smiley face.
Elizabeth: Wait… Hold that thought. Did you hear those guys over there? Do you know them?
Random Girl: Yeah. Thats Darcey and Bingley. Why?
Elizabeth: He just overheard him say I wasn't cute! uhg! can you believe that I spent HOURS upon HOURS on my hair!
Random Girl: Wow! What a jerk! I think your hair looks great though… What shampoo do you use?
Elizabeth: Yeah but its whateves he ain't even that cute. Billy is way hotter. I wouldn’t be caught dead dancing with someone as nerdy as him. I hear he plays World of Warcraft…. and thanks girl! I used some Pantene today. It really brings out my roots.And that is how the ball went.
Relationship Analysis of Elizabeth and Mr. Darcey
Mr. Darcey and ElizabethThe relationship between Mr. Darcey and Elizabeth is complicated. The relationship between the two took a while to kick off because Elizabeth had a bad experience the first time she ever met him. At the ball Mr. Darcey never asked her to dance and said that no one was good enough to tempt him either. Elizabeth heard Darcy's comment and decided that he was the most disagreeable man she had ever met and vowed that she would never dance with him. However since this book is just another soap opera and needs some more juicy drama Mr. Darcey became attracted to Elizabeth and tried to get her attention. At first Elizabeth was confused by his sudden change in behavior to her but still held a bitter resentment of him anyways because of her prejudice. As the story progresses there are several instances in which conditions just so happen to bring the future love birds together under the same roof but Elizabeth's feelings towards poor Mr. Darcey remained more or less the same. Then when the two meet again at another ball Darcey asks Elizabeth to a dance this causes the fickle young girl to break her promise to herself and accepts his request. Her attitude towards Darcey during the dance was once again hostile and this time she made some remarks to make it clear that she wasn't impressed with the manner in which Darcey had presented himself the first night and how he supposedly treated some fellow acquaintances of his such as Mr. Wickham. Finally after much needless drama and a visit to Darcy's aunts estate the story goes somewhere, Mr. Darcey finally puts his pride aside and gathers up the courage to ask for Elizabeth's hand in marriage. Elizabeth however must decline and say no because it wouldn't be a soap opera if she said yes, it'd just be way to easy. Instead she has the audacity to accuse the man of breaking apart her sister Jane's relationship with Bingley and ripping off Mr. Wickham from his inheritance. Darcey overtaken with grief from the rejection of his crush decides to leave but only after leaving a well written letter to explain why he did the things he did, and to straighten out the story of Mr. Wickhams inheritance. After some time to think Elizabeth ends up at Darcy's home where she realizes what she is missing out on and begins to regret her answer to Darcy's proposal. So in a long anti-climactic and pointless scene the two finally get together and decided to be wed. The end. Or not. In 20 years im sure that there will be a sequel to the book with it being a soap opera in all in which Darcey somehow loses all his money to a gambling debt or gets robbed and Elizabeth realises she doesn't like him anymore and tries to run off with another man of a rival family causing a Romeo and Juliet- like feud between two families. Then without a proper divorce gets publicly branded and humiliated with a scarlet letter in front of the entire town causing some widespread embarrassment and shame for her family. Darcey unable to take this humiliation begins his life in a downward spiral of excessive drug and alcohol abuse until he eventually has an overdose on some heroin or what ever drug was prominent in this time period and dies.