Better Understanding Our Children
Emily Sybert
What is "normal" behavior for children right now?
The following reactions are common, but if they continue for 2 weeks or more, or are very significant changes from their normal behavior, it may indicate that your child or teen could use your help to manage what they are feeling.
Grades Pre K - 2
- Excessive energy/ hyperactivity
- Frequent crying/tearfulness
- Separation anxiety Increased whining
- Developmental regression (for example, toileting accidents)
Grades 3 - 6
- Excessive energy/hyperactivity
- Excessive worry/repeated questions
- Frequent crying /tearfulness
- Separation anxiety Increased whining boredom.
Grades 7 - 12
- Excessive worry/repeated questions
- Poor concentration
- Irritability/anger
- Difficulty sleeping
- Fatigue
- Boredom
When Children are Overwhelmed and Use Harsh Words.
When Kids are Stressed: What's Happening Inside Vs. Outside Their Bodies:
- Overwhelmed--> mean words.
- Anxiety--> whining.
- Confusion--> grumpiness/ sass.
- Loneliness--> clinginess.
- Overstimulation--> perfectionism.
- Fear--> resistance.
- Pressure--> aggression.
When Kids Say Rude Things:
- They are struggling to express their needs respectfully. Their brain is still growing and developing.
- Their harsh words are not true, they represent a deeper need.
- Taking this personally is not helpful, they need a neutral, loving presence.
- I can help them understand themselves by translating what I am seeing/ hearing from them.
- Their words will change over time with modeling and support.
- Connect with them their behaviors will change through self-awareness.
What We Hear Them Say Vs. What They Actually Mean:
- I hate her! --> I feel frustrated.
- No! No! No! --> I need more information.
- You are the worst! --> please connect with me.
- I am not doing that! --> I am overwhelmed.
- Go away forever--> I need time to process.
- Your dumb--> I am struggling.
- Do it yourself--> I cannot control myself.
Our Beliefs Vs. Reality
- They are ignoring me on purpose to annoy me-->Their growing brain needs more time to process.
- They only care about their own needs--> They can benefit from a check in before transitions.
- There is something wrong with them--> They do not know their need or how to express it.
- They need tougher incentives/ consequences to motivate them--> They need more say/ choices in the situation.
- They do not respect me--> they are unable to manage their impulses and actions.
- Their choosing not to communicate nicely--> their growing brain is overwhelmed.
- They are doing this for attention--> they are feeling unheard and under supported.
- They are being selfish-->they need a connection.
- I am not being tough enough--> they are unable to manage their impulses.
Resource: www.upbringing.co
When Kids "Disrespect" Our Instinct Versus Our Goal
- Say that one more time and I'll..." Vs. "I am going to take space for a minute." Modeling revenge versus boundary -setting.
- "I did nothing to deserve this" Vs. "I hear you what you are needing?" Modeling gaslighting versus empathy and understanding.
- "How could you treat me this way?" Vs. "I see we have different beliefs." Modeling egotism versus democracy.
- "You're disappointing me" Vs. "How can this work? We need ideas." Modeling conditional love versus creativity.
- "Change your words or no TV" Vs. "I am going to take a few breaths." Modeling manipulation Vs. self-regulation.
- "You're making me sad." Vs. "You have some strong feelings here." Modeling shaming versus validation.
- "Go to your room." Vs. "You don't want to. How come?" Modeling domination versus curiosity.
- "You are being so disrespectful" Vs. "I hear you can I tell you why?" Modeling disrespect versus respect.
- "Stop! Wait your turn before you speak to me." Vs. "You sound super excited and I can’t wait to hear what you have to say once I've finished talking. Modeling rejection versus validation.
- "You need to be patient" Vs. "I appreciate you being patient while I finish this up." Modeling disrespect Vs. positive praise.
Resource: www.upbringing.co
Covid Resources: The Family Resource Center of Nantucket (FRC)
Anyone needing assistance can call, text or email the FRC. This includes students, workers, individuals or family members. They will be contacted by FRC within 48 hours. Interpreters are available in multiple languages. The FRC will maintain confidentiality of all interactions and will not report any personal information to outside agencies.
The Family Resource Center can be reached by telephone at 508-815-5515, by text at 978-989-2359 and by email: enorton@familycontinuity.org.
For more information email Elise Norton at the Family Resource Center enorton@familycontinuity.org or Brooke Mohr (ackmohr@gmail.com)
**See below for flyer and press release.
Contact Information
Email: Syberte@npsk.org
Website: https://www.npsk.org/
Location: 30 Surfside Road, Nantucket, MA, USA
Phone: 508-228-7290 4321