Failure is the New Perfection
By: Aly Johnson
Eleanor Roosevelt
When my youth group went on a mission trip to Colorado this summer, we had the opportunity to do some pretty amazing activities. After our community service project, we got to go backpacking, rock climbing, and for those who were brave enough, mountain climbing. A group of eight of us, four adults and four teens, set off on a Saturday morning. At 12,618 ft in elevation with no other peaks to tempt the lightning, Mount Lone Cone frequently receives many lightning strikes simultaneously. Generally, hikers need to be off the mountain before 2:00 PM. We had about three hours to get to the top.
I’ll be honest, I had never really climbed a mountain before, so optimism was essential. Initially, our trek was light and as we climbed past the tree line, I began to swell with confidence. Then we got to the fun part: a full hour and a half of shaky foot walking and heart pounding rock climbing. As one of the two girls who went, I was not about to complain. I had to prove to the boys I was just as tough as them…if not tougher. But honestly, I just wanted to cry. I wanted to give up, go back to camp, and forget I had even attempted to climb a mountain. My legs hurt! They were shaking and convulsing after every step I took. I was cut up and scraped all over – even getting some scars left to prove it. I was way out of my comfort zone, and didn’t like it one bit. Sure I was over-reacting, but seriously, I thought I was going to die. Beyond my fear of falling to my immanent death, I was deeply afraid of failing myself. Proving to others I could do this? No problem. To me, that’s motivation. Proving to myself I could climb a mountain…yeah, I had some serious doubts.
In the end, I just sucked it up and trudged my way up to the top. And oh my gosh, the view was just breath taking…the bragging-rights, astounding. I had just climbed a mountain! But all the more rewarding, I had faced my fear and even if my willpower came rather grudgingly, I had tried something new and totally knocked it out of the ballpark! Going down was a different story. I fell twice. And when the guys weren’t looking, I started sobbing to myself, “You idiot, what possessed you to go up here? Agh, I just want to be on level ground!”
But from that experience I learned to go outside of my comfort zone regularly. When I do, I don’t expect anything; just tell myself I will try something out. Then later on, I can do the same thing a few more times and improve in my performance. See, every time we fail we become more accustomed to it. We realize more and more that it’s not the end of the world. When we try something new, when we challenge ourselves, or when we go outside of our comfort zone, we can grow in self-confidence. Failing can have an exhilarating component because even though we failed, we at least took a chance. We didn’t just sit on our hands and knees doing nothing. And that alone took quite a bit of courage and determination.
This is why I absolutely fail when it comes to small talk. Asking someone how the weather is? Forget about it. Similar to an investor finding his investment ‘mix’ and jumping in expecting a substantial ROI, introverts invest in their relationships – deeply. As a result of this quality, “investing” in a conversation that feels surface-y often feels way out of my comfort zone. In fact, it drains me. Even talking about the weather feels depleting. My mantra? Energy in, energy out.
And so because I struggle with simply talking to people, for the longest time, I was concerned about my image and the way others saw me. I can watch people for hours…with no conversation as I simply think, process, and observe. Seeing other people’s lives in everyday moments is, to me, totally insightful and engaging. I can discern a lot about things people are going through, sense moods, and intuitively process. But to most people, that’s pretty weird. Antisocial, they call it. And yeah, they’re kind of right.
Since most people don’t know much about me and I struggle to communicate myself with them, I’ve practically given up on trying to get to know a lot of people because I’m afraid of failing them and myself over and over again. But here’s the thing, when we know more about ourselves and what we want out of life – say better social skills or deeper relationships – we will have more self-confidence in knowing what we can do. We need to face some of our fears. Fail over and over and understand that it isn’t really that big of a deal. Grow stronger through experiences such as walking up to a stranger and just saying hello. Over time, we’ll become more internally relaxed. We will figure out what really excites us by simply trying a whole bunch of stuff out.
Trying to think things through fifty times can be a way to try to control everything. To cover every eventuality so we do not risk making a mistake, failing, or looking like a fool. But falling short is a part of living a life where we truly stretch our comfort zone. Everyone who has lived a life that inspires us has failed. They have made mistakes. But in most cases they have also seen these mistakes as valuable feedback to learn from. Those moments that may look negative have helped them to grow.
Similarly, though I’ve struggled to try new things, make new friends, and be content, I’ve learned how to overcome my fear of failure. Roman philosopher, Marcus Aurelius once said, “Very little is needed to make a happy life; it is all within yourself, in your way of thinking.” And boy was he right. We need to go confidently in the direction of our dreams. Live the life we’ve always imagined. Who cares what others think? When we compare our lives, ourselves, and what we have to others, we’ll have nothing but destructive habits on our hands. With a comparative mindset, we never can win. Somewhere in the world there is always someone who has more or is better than us at something. There are always people ahead of us. Instead, we need to look at how far we’ve come. Compare us to ourselves and no one else. Focus on our result and on how we can and how we have improved. This will both motivate us and raise our self-esteem. In doing so, we will come to see that failure is the new perfection.
Kristin Armstrong
“It is okay to be at a place of struggle. Struggle is just another word for growth. Even the most evolved beings find themselves in a place of struggle now and then. In fact, struggle is a sure sign to them that they are expanding; it is their indication of real and important progress. The only one who doesn’t struggle is the one who doesn’t grow. So if you are struggling right now, see it as a terrific sign — celebrate your struggle.”
Neale Donald Walsch