WEEK 7 DI$H
2 Minutes? Well Worth it
FAST AND HARD
That's the only way I know how to do it. I'm gonna channel the Ged mini-di$h so I can continue crunching some numbers for you dickless numbskulls to complain about.
As Ged put it injuries were the story of the week but a couple other things caught my attention. In clearly the worst Monday Night game in history the surprising star was...Peyton Hillis?!?! Or the ghost thereof at least. 13 of the most improbable points in fantasy history. There is no way anyone could have predicted he would step directly into the starting role.
Oh wait, I did. Which is why I plucked him from the wire this weekend. All of you can eat my ballsacks.
I love imagining the exasperation on all your faces. The only thing worse than a despondent loser commish (Ged) is a cocky winning one. The beatings will continue until morale improves. Oh and I was top score this week...neat ;-}
Speaking of how awful Tier II and its commish are, two teams scored 90 and under, one of which was our favorite pterodactyl Ged.
Quote of the Week: I was at work for the weekend and hadn't seen Jess. Last night I walk in the door, she looks up coyly and says "I'm raping Omar." I swear to christ The League should be asking for writin ghelp from Dr. and Mrs. Commish.
Good news! I've found next year's D.O.C......
As Ged put it injuries were the story of the week but a couple other things caught my attention. In clearly the worst Monday Night game in history the surprising star was...Peyton Hillis?!?! Or the ghost thereof at least. 13 of the most improbable points in fantasy history. There is no way anyone could have predicted he would step directly into the starting role.
Oh wait, I did. Which is why I plucked him from the wire this weekend. All of you can eat my ballsacks.
I love imagining the exasperation on all your faces. The only thing worse than a despondent loser commish (Ged) is a cocky winning one. The beatings will continue until morale improves. Oh and I was top score this week...neat ;-}
Speaking of how awful Tier II and its commish are, two teams scored 90 and under, one of which was our favorite pterodactyl Ged.
Quote of the Week: I was at work for the weekend and hadn't seen Jess. Last night I walk in the door, she looks up coyly and says "I'm raping Omar." I swear to christ The League should be asking for writin ghelp from Dr. and Mrs. Commish.
Good news! I've found next year's D.O.C......
MMMMMM HOW BOUT NO FUCKING WAY
I can't handle one crunchwrap supreme and I'm a fat fuck who loves fast food. So...there?
Next year we'll be deciding our pretend football fates (Lacey and Matt you can stop reading now) by feats of strength. First up: DIY dentistry...
Next year we'll be deciding our pretend football fates (Lacey and Matt you can stop reading now) by feats of strength. First up: DIY dentistry...
Faces in the Crowd
WILD CARD: Brandon Gibson with 16, maybe some takers on the waiver for this one.
ANTI-NIRVANA: Dan made a great choice picking up Douglas, then made a terrible choice and benched his 20p which would have given him the win. Brown benched Helu's 22 (he could have lost by only 40!!!) and Greg gave away 38p between Geno Smith and the Dallas D.
DIRK DIGGLER: Andrew Luck's 29 led all scorers this week, cool?
SUICIDE WATCH: Greg it's not worth it. A lot of teams score 75. Just not in 2-QB leagues. Be better.
PERFECTION: Only 279 to live up to this week
qbs Luck 29, Dalton/Stafford/Peyton 27
wr Megatron 27, VJax 25, Decker/Green 21
rb Forte 28 Gore 22 (praise be) Helu 22
te Reed 19 praise be
k Vinatieri 16
dst Carolina 22
ANTI-NIRVANA: Dan made a great choice picking up Douglas, then made a terrible choice and benched his 20p which would have given him the win. Brown benched Helu's 22 (he could have lost by only 40!!!) and Greg gave away 38p between Geno Smith and the Dallas D.
DIRK DIGGLER: Andrew Luck's 29 led all scorers this week, cool?
SUICIDE WATCH: Greg it's not worth it. A lot of teams score 75. Just not in 2-QB leagues. Be better.
PERFECTION: Only 279 to live up to this week
qbs Luck 29, Dalton/Stafford/Peyton 27
wr Megatron 27, VJax 25, Decker/Green 21
rb Forte 28 Gore 22 (praise be) Helu 22
te Reed 19 praise be
k Vinatieri 16
dst Carolina 22
To the Matchups...
Fave no Longer: KKKrushes ginger, maintains purity of race 140-75. The injury viper's bite is strong, but that's not the problem. It's Joey's monstrous donger breaking down the walls of Greg's asshole like a New Orleans stripper. He DEFINITELY found the bottom of RHB. Stafford surrendered some munz and Joey got a consistent performance from most everybody. The story of the matchup is CJ vs FJax. FJax not only one but it looks like he'll be the only back going forward. Greg...ummm...Gronk was good? Nailed the bold prediction...sort of
Haters gone hate: Chuckie TCOBs 133-110. What do good teams do against shitty teams? Find a way to win. Pretty disappointing week from Charlie but still way good enough to play night man to Pete's doodz. You came inside him and filled him up Night Man. Boykin was a bright spot for Pete, solid waivering, but otherwise HD is truly awful in every way. Turns out teams know Gonzalez is the best passing option, ewpz. Charlie don't even START complaining about losing your backup QB and a WR3. Praise be Matt Forte.
No slap bet this time: JC embarrasses Cat 163-107. How is this not the biggest blowout?! Matt wouldn't even engage me in some light-hearted joshing about this violent rape. Just replace light-hearted with vicious and joshing with taunting. Freeman is pretty cool. And I'm 100% correct on the bold prediction GAAATTTTTAACCCAAAAA
Diversity bowl predictable: The Finleys impose glass ceiling 156-132. Jiz is the ultimate boom or bust team. 4 players over 20, 4 players under 5. Sounds like Oren is finally gonna come down from QB mountain and build a team. I know a seller, JC'll get you a good deal. It took Megatron and RGIII 7 weeks to finally be the players Lacey drafted, if she can get some more 2s and 3s she may climb out of the basement. Prob not tho. Another 100% accurate bold prediction, I'm getting good at this.
Sun shines on dog's ass: Ugh snatches defeat from the jaws of victory 124-114. In this penis measuring contest Jon looked at a comic book (say graphic novel one more god damned time I fucking dare you) and got a partial boner and outlasted Dan's flaccid unit 3 inches to 2. How Jon got a win this week is mind-boggling. SIX players under 7 points. I'm sure Mathews will get 17p again ever. With a halfwit at QB I'm glad I didn't trade for AP. Dan I can pretty much say the same story for you, but keep holding on to Bowe, def a good idea. VJax mana reserves are powerful, I may finally be a believer after he buggered me for like 17 straight years.
Haters gone hate: Chuckie TCOBs 133-110. What do good teams do against shitty teams? Find a way to win. Pretty disappointing week from Charlie but still way good enough to play night man to Pete's doodz. You came inside him and filled him up Night Man. Boykin was a bright spot for Pete, solid waivering, but otherwise HD is truly awful in every way. Turns out teams know Gonzalez is the best passing option, ewpz. Charlie don't even START complaining about losing your backup QB and a WR3. Praise be Matt Forte.
No slap bet this time: JC embarrasses Cat 163-107. How is this not the biggest blowout?! Matt wouldn't even engage me in some light-hearted joshing about this violent rape. Just replace light-hearted with vicious and joshing with taunting. Freeman is pretty cool. And I'm 100% correct on the bold prediction GAAATTTTTAACCCAAAAA
Diversity bowl predictable: The Finleys impose glass ceiling 156-132. Jiz is the ultimate boom or bust team. 4 players over 20, 4 players under 5. Sounds like Oren is finally gonna come down from QB mountain and build a team. I know a seller, JC'll get you a good deal. It took Megatron and RGIII 7 weeks to finally be the players Lacey drafted, if she can get some more 2s and 3s she may climb out of the basement. Prob not tho. Another 100% accurate bold prediction, I'm getting good at this.
Sun shines on dog's ass: Ugh snatches defeat from the jaws of victory 124-114. In this penis measuring contest Jon looked at a comic book (say graphic novel one more god damned time I fucking dare you) and got a partial boner and outlasted Dan's flaccid unit 3 inches to 2. How Jon got a win this week is mind-boggling. SIX players under 7 points. I'm sure Mathews will get 17p again ever. With a halfwit at QB I'm glad I didn't trade for AP. Dan I can pretty much say the same story for you, but keep holding on to Bowe, def a good idea. VJax mana reserves are powerful, I may finally be a believer after he buggered me for like 17 straight years.
PUZISHUNZZZ
Brought to you this week by anal. Just regular old anal.
QB
1) Jiz 343 2) FYRB 287 3) HD 284 4) Red 235 5) KKK 234 6) DCS 223 7) Ugh 221 8) TDS 216 9) K4t 182 10) JC 176
WR
1) JC 316 2) RED 284 3) TDS 280 4) KKK 271 5) DCS 251 6) Ugh 248 7) Jiz 235 8) cat 224 9) HD 185 10) Bush 162
RB
1) ugh 267 2) TDS 252 3) HD 235 4) jc 208 5) cat 183 6) Jiz 182 7) bush 175 8) kkk 179 9) Red 146 10) dcs 146
TE
1) fyrb 111 2) kat 84 3) red 82 4) tds and JC 65 6) hd 57 7) kkk 56 8) dcs 54 9) jiz 28 10) Ugh 26
QB
1) Jiz 343 2) FYRB 287 3) HD 284 4) Red 235 5) KKK 234 6) DCS 223 7) Ugh 221 8) TDS 216 9) K4t 182 10) JC 176
WR
1) JC 316 2) RED 284 3) TDS 280 4) KKK 271 5) DCS 251 6) Ugh 248 7) Jiz 235 8) cat 224 9) HD 185 10) Bush 162
RB
1) ugh 267 2) TDS 252 3) HD 235 4) jc 208 5) cat 183 6) Jiz 182 7) bush 175 8) kkk 179 9) Red 146 10) dcs 146
TE
1) fyrb 111 2) kat 84 3) red 82 4) tds and JC 65 6) hd 57 7) kkk 56 8) dcs 54 9) jiz 28 10) Ugh 26
PREDIXXXXXX
There are probably going to be 5 trades by the time this week starts, so I'm reserving the right to change these later. So take you medicine and like it.
KKKuises 148-132: Manning and Rodgers throw a lot of TDs to Jordy and Demaryius. I'm pretty sure Joey will find a K and D before Sunday. Joey wins the matchup but loses to me in golf tomorrow.
Bye week, Chuckie 150-99: The only thing worse than an awful team is an awful team on bye week. Jon it's time to drop/trade all your injured and handcuff players. You need wins.
Asterisk win, JC purifies 130-120: Assuming I get a QB I like my chances, my bonertastic WR corps has some delicious matchups. Lacey your RBs....*farts*
Ugh stays alive 144-113: This one will not be sporting. Unless NYG-Phi turns into a defensive struggle...
Shocker alert, HD blows red 130-128: This one will be close but I don't think Greg has the RB to get it done. Praise be unto Reggie Bush and a throbbing week.
Thus concludes act one. And it was good.
KKKuises 148-132: Manning and Rodgers throw a lot of TDs to Jordy and Demaryius. I'm pretty sure Joey will find a K and D before Sunday. Joey wins the matchup but loses to me in golf tomorrow.
Bye week, Chuckie 150-99: The only thing worse than an awful team is an awful team on bye week. Jon it's time to drop/trade all your injured and handcuff players. You need wins.
Asterisk win, JC purifies 130-120: Assuming I get a QB I like my chances, my bonertastic WR corps has some delicious matchups. Lacey your RBs....*farts*
Ugh stays alive 144-113: This one will not be sporting. Unless NYG-Phi turns into a defensive struggle...
Shocker alert, HD blows red 130-128: This one will be close but I don't think Greg has the RB to get it done. Praise be unto Reggie Bush and a throbbing week.
Thus concludes act one. And it was good.