Mariner feels "Under the Weather"

Written by Ethan Fasnacht, Emily Martin, and Jonathan Lausch

Recent reports regarding the Mariner's expedition reveal that he has been through many hardships. Judgment day is nearing, and the Mariner is caught in the midst of what appears to be a storm. While sailing on the seas on his expedition, he suffered through various spiritual trials as well. The Mariner told us that he had witnessed a group of soulless bodies that had been resurrected; however, their spirits were blessed by God and broke out into an angelic song. Their song kept the Mariner's ship afloat, and while the angels sang, the ship continued moving despite the stillness of the wind and the calmness of the water. The Mariner knew that this was the vessel's engine, for when the song ceased, the ship came to a halt.

There were multiple reports from our sky-cam that the ship actually started to move again once the sun came out. It was said that the ship began to move forward in an uneasy motion, and then suddenly jerk, as if something were propelling it from underneath. We watched the Mariner fall into a trance as this phenomenon occurred, and we believe that this trance was induced because of the sudden change in motion. Moments after he awoke, we asked about his supposed near death experience, and he certainly had something to say. "I heard two voices call to me. The first is what I thought was a demon and the other an angel. I knew that judgment day was near as I had shot the albatross. The first voice was naive and not aware as to whether or not I had shot the bird. The second was very knowledgeable and knew that I had done so. He said this shooting could lead to further injury towards others. I felt the need to heed the angels advice, as I think that I have shot Jesus. The second statement from the first voice asked about everything that had happened, and tried to disprove what was said by the angel. This demon was yet again ignorant, and the angel said that if I know my way to the lord, then I shall follow the moon. This is what I assumed to be the heavens. The second voice said that God will watch over me if I can find my way. Finally, the first asked how the ship was moving without waves or wind. The second voice replied with a complicated physics statement. I felt like the knowledgeable second voice was still the right way to go, so I embarked on a journey to follow this voice. I was worried that if I lost touch with the voice, I would never be able to find myself again. The last thing I remember was waking up and finding that my ship felt back at peace again. All I remember after that is you arriving here to interview me."

Well, there you have it folks. From the reporters at the Mariner Industries, we will keep you informed if anything else pops up in which the Mariner has to say. This is Mariner Industries, saying "until the albatross flies again!"

Mariner Industries

For all your needs and feed on the ancient Mariner, and information on judgment day, call our toll-free number, or contact us from the information given below. We also have a judgment day phone line, where you can find out if you're headed upstairs or down in the basement, if you know what we mean.