Week 17: What made you cry?

The alcohol?

Hide your sinks, hide your b tubes

For those of you who had to miss out on the Davis viewing of the Super Bowl - you missed a pretty typical evening with the quatro compadres (well, tres compadres). Tears, vomit, and Saksen getting whisked away by Jess strangely early - it was all there and could have been easily predicted by anyone. The real winners?

  1. Gold medal: Britt, for having the distinct pleasure of listening to the 3:30am Pete-Catboi Symphony of Puke as they went from room to room, filling up any sink or toilet they could find.
  2. Silver medal: Anyone who owns Jello stock
  3. Bronze medal: Ged - for waking up at 4:45am the next morning to get a 5:30am physical in Sac

I suppose this is what happens when you polish off 130 jello shots between four people.

Olympics best. Russia best.

They haven't even started yet, and..worst..Olympics....ever? I'm sure you've heard about the Sochi accommodations to some extent, but in case you haven't, this is all SO priceless (courtesy of Pete):

Lines of the Night

Monday: Joan Smoothers: 5g, 3a, +5, 8pim, 24sog, 31fw, 20hit, 5blk

Tuesday: CatPasey: 7g, 7a, +14, 4pim, 3ppp, 23sog, 26fw, 8hit, 10blk, 3.00gaa, 26sv, .897sv%

Wednesday: Joan Smoothers: 1g, 2a, -3, 2pim, 2ppp, 16sog, 15fw, 6hit, 6blk

The Cat's Meow: 5g, 7a, -1, 8pim, 2ppp, 34sog, 49fw, 16hit, 1blk

Friday: Hot Ice Beast: 1g, 4a, +4, 6pim, 1ppp, 22sog, 32fw, 18hit, 6blk, 4.04gaa, 30sv, .882sv%

Saturday: Dangleberry Droplets: 3g, 10a, +6, 4pim, 4ppp, 21sog, 10fw, 10hit, 10blk

Sunday: Zamboners: 4g, 8a, 8pim, 6ppp, 20sog, 17fw, 6hit, 10blk

Week 17 Matchups

Shut up Brian (Smoothers 9, ELBOWs 4):

I love losing a matchup on Monday. Let the record show that I liked precisely none parts of Brian's win over the Commish Fave ELBOWs. And of fucking course I FINALLY getting not one, but TWO shutouts, and STILL lose GAA and SV%. COURSE!! WAH!!

First of all, Nathan McKinnon can eat a penis, that corn fed piece of hillbilly shit. Also from the Of Course Department, Nazem Kadri reemerges to caper my black ass with 3g and 4a. Brian has apparently opted for the cash cow strategy with Price, and has halted all goalie streaming. I suppose that works when you can match bitches shutout for shutout. With the win Brian now sits atop the leaderboard but the ELBOWs are obvi coming for those tuts. CAW!!

Ryan is still cuter ;) (Zamz 10, Droplets 1):

With this win over Lulu, Charlie has now moved into 8th place....and is a couple points from....playoff contention? Oh DEAR!! ;p Congrats to Ryan for doing close to nothing to stop Charzy's little rat pussy from nearly shutting him out, CatPasey style. Charlie took a page out of Ryan's book by streaming Red Wings and oops, picked up that Nyquist hat trick + assist + hands on d. Another 3 assists from Zetterberg, 2 from Kronwall = hot hot caper ensalada all over Ryan's pussy pot pie. Let's see....on Sunday Charlie overtook assists, PIM, ppp, sog, and tied goals. That's five categories. Good work Ryan.

South Shore wins again (Beast 6, Pewp 6):

Did Saksen sit two ppp on Sunday? He absolutely did. Was he in the front row of the Skynyrd concert, HAMMERED drunk, with angel wings? No, but he WAS hammered drunk in Tahoe, busy as a lil honeybee sitting Backstrom and giving Petey Poo another point in the standings. It's almost like Pete and Mike switched places this week.

Btw, thanks again for the invite to Tahoe, Chris. I mean Mike.

Just one more bet (Meowzerz 10, Power 2):

Matt Brown, first of his name, King of the Cats, Ruler of the First Dumpsters - has won his second game in the last ten weeks. Dare I say that the Cat cometh back? Nay.

However, Matt has finally steered his way out of the asteroid field that was his last six weeks. A very strong showing across the board was the only silver lining to Matt's weekend, except of course for the technicolor stomach sprinkler that sprayed twice-fermented wine all over the b room walls. Why u no add pisspee? Puuuussssiiiieeeessss.

Lulz (Pasey 12, SHARP 0):

You are correct, Austin - two hard laps, then supermans, then hit the Hot Box, then....LINE CHANGE!!!! (*blow the whistle woo WOO*). Our first ever Hot Ice shutout, while not a perfecto, goes to Pat, in stunning fashion. Pat dominated pretty much every category except for the goalie stats, and even got the shutout. If it weren't for that lucky little troll Austin getting the Fleury shutout, we would be looking at our first Hot Ice Clean Sweep. Pretty much everyone pitched into the PIM category for Pat, and his goals and assists led the league (except for Ryan's 29a, daem).

Congratulations to Pat, for not being so dumb for once.

Week 17 Awards

Waiver Wire Wizard: Zamboners

Goalies Best: Zamboners, CatPasey

Bieber Fever: Zamboners

Wah: Dangleberry Droplets

Domesticated: Definitely going to Hot Ice Beast, for opting out of Sunday Funday in favor of sitting on his couch high on Vicodin with his wife - who was on her period. Excellent life choices.

Week 18 Predictions

ELBOW Cat: Mmmm the ELBOWs better start winnin sum gamezzzz. ELBOWs 7, Pasey 5

Smooth Dangles: If Ryan can pull this off I will totes finger him. However, he totes won't cuz he's totes a pussy ;) Joan 9, Dangles 4

Beast Boners: Who will Charlie stream for the win this week? Scott Hannon? Josh Bailey? Only Charlie and his fanamee diving rod (his penis) know. Zamz 7, Beast 5

NeonDion MeowMachine: Mmmm Britt's favorite Late Nite duo squares off this week for seksi lust moment gasolina. Maybe put some shot bets on this, mm? Maybe redeem them at G Street this coming Sunday, then take the party back to Matt's place?? Enemies become phrenz, phrenz become enem33z? Mm???? I look forward to reading it. Pewp 8, Meows 4

LamorneusNADO: Austin better hope he can surrender that win if he wants to stay playoff relevant. If not....Cal Train passengers beware. 'NADOs 7, Power 5

If I don't die during the Skrillex concert on Friday, then fuck you.