Counselor's Bulletin
November 2018
Social/Emotional Focus
Building Health Relationships
Here are some characteristics of a healthy relationship:
- Communication
- Fighting/arguing fair
- Working to understand
- Honesty
- Self-confidence
- Problem solving
- Trust
- Setting boundaries
On the other hand, red flags of an unhealthy relationships are:
- Manipulation and control
- Hostility
- Sexual and or physical violence
- Dependence
- Intimidation
- Dishonesty
- Disrespect
Parents are encouraged to talk with their teenager about these characteristics before they find themselves in a difficult situation that they are unsure of how to (or unwilling to) get out of.
Sexual Assault
Did you know that every 98 seconds someone experiences sexual assault?(www.rainn.org)
Sexual violence affects hundreds of thousands of Americans each year and can have psychological, emotional, and physical effects on a survivor. These effects aren’t always easy to deal with, but with the right help and support they can be managed.
How can we stop sexual assault....
- Respect others’ boundaries.
- Ask for consent.
- Intervene when someone’s in trouble.
- Notice the warning signs of abuse and speak up.
- Nurture myself and others.
For more information, visit www.rainn.org and watch these Youtube videos.
Academic Focus
The Teenage Brain (And What It Means for Parenting)
By Caroline Miller
Source: https://childmind.org/blog/teenage-brain-means-parenting/
We used to think that adolescents were basically adults, just with fewer miles on them, said Dr. Frances Jensen. But now we know that the human brain isn’t finished developing until the mid to late twenties. And that leaves teenagers with brains that, while they are well developed in areas that involve emotion, have immature frontal lobes — the area that involves self-regulation.
“Teenagers experience emotions in Technicolor, while we adults experience them in black and white,” said Dr. Jensen, the author of The Teenage Brain: A Neuroscientist’s Survival Guide to Raising Adolescents and Young Adults and chair of the Department of Neurology at the Perelman School of Medicine at the University of Pennsylvania.
Teenagers are wired not only to feel things more deeply but to learn much faster than adults do, explained Dr. Jensen, because they have more connections (called synapses) in their brains than they will later. This is critical because these are the years in which they need to learn not only trigonometry and physics, but to become independent adults, noted Dr. Koplewicz. That involves separating from parents, forming a social network, choosing a vocational path and determining a sexual orientation — huge developmental tasks that often involve trial and error and experimentation.
“Teenagers are very much about themselves. They’re figuring themselves out,” Dr. Jensen observed. “That’s in part because they don’t know why they did that dumb thing last night.”
So a good way to approach them, when they’ve done something risky or dangerous, she said, is not to get angry but to “give them the TED talk.” Teach them about their brain — how it works for and against them. Make sure they understand that their ability to make quick decisions isn’t completely reliable. Give them the facts: as a teenager you’re a very fast learner but please remember that your frontal lobe isn’t really working for you yet.
Dr. Koplewicz urged parents to make sure they have regular opportunities to talk to their teenagers — don’t let them escape — and when it comes to difficult issues like substance use and sex, “Don’t wait for them to start the conversation.”
“When we wait for them,” quipped Wentworth, “it’s likely to start with ‘I’m pregnant.”
One thing parents should make sure teenagers understand is that they are more vulnerable to addiction than adults are, again because their brains are wired for fast learning. Teenagers get addicted “harder, faster, longer, stronger,” Dr. Jensen noted.
And it’s useful to let them know, the panel agreed, that their wiring also makes them especially susceptible to peer pressure. To avoid bad decisions, Dr. Jensen noted, parents should urge teenagers to step back and take time to think when they are being pressured to do something risky.
Dr. Koplewicz added that when you’re being pressured to do something you know is unwise, you get a feeling in the pit of your stomach. “Tell kids, ‘Listen to your gut,’ ” he said.
While we tend to worry most about the high school years, Dr. Jensen noted that well into college parents may need to help their children get and stay organized: another task that depends on that not-yet-mature frontal lobe.
“Even in college,” she said, “you may need to give them a frontal lobe assist from time to time.”
College & Career Focus
Individual Senior Meetings
- Schedule and take college visits.
- Complete an activities resume.
- Apply to a specific college they haven't applied to already.
- Request an FSA ID and complete the FAFSA.
- Start researching and applying for scholarships. This would include scholarships from colleges and scholarships at the state and national level. Local scholarships will be available to seniors in mid-December.
We will meet again second semester to review these goals and set new goals if needed. I encouraged seniors to stay on top of the college planning process because time has a way of getting away from us!
Goal Setting
A 2015 study by psychologist Gail Matthews showed when people wrote down their goals, they were 33% more successful in achieving them than those who formulated outcomes in their heads. Check out this article from Psychology Today about goal setting in children and teens.
Parents, if you want to start that conversation with your child I have included some questions to get that conversation started.
- What do you want to do after high school?
- What are some things you have thought about doing as a career?
- Where do you think you'd like to go to college?
- What are areas you feel are going well in school for you?
- What are areas in school that you feel you need to put more focus on?
- If you could focus on one area of your life and make it better, what might that be?
About Mrs. Webster
Email: lwebster@boonecentral.esu7.org
Website: http://www.boonecentral.org
Location: 605 South 6th Street, Albion, NE, USA
Phone: (402) 395-2134
Twitter: @LWebsterBCHS