THREE BLIND MICE GONE BAD
It all started as a normal day in Rat City, that's what this local farmer's wife thought anyway. As she was going out to the field to bring her husband a drink, she heard a ruckus in her home. She turned around and went to check it out when she saw something scurrying about with the cat chasing it, although it was half the size of the cat itself. She went into her house and looked around, which didn’t require much considering they were poor farmers and had an extremely small house. What she saw in the kitchen were the hugest mice ever, two to be exact.
Then another crawled through a hole in the wall and SPOKE! He said “Guys, I took the cat to the barn and got it stuck up in a stall with a moody cow. Now she’s afraid to go near it. “It’s genius!” Then the farmer’ wife screamed and grabbed the nearest sharp object, a carving knife. The mice seemed to just notice her then.
“Whoa lady, we don’t wanna get in no fights, now put the knife down.” said the biggest of the three. “You can talk.” said the farmer’s wife. The last mouse to come in still didn’t seem to notice the woman and walked from the bedroom carrying a jewelry box loaded with precious family heirlooms and said, “Dudes, I just found the motherload of expensive junk in that room over there.”
Then he dropped the box and pulled out a gun. Then the farmer walked in with a neighbor and saw what was happening. “What is happening honey?” asked the farmer. The wife replied with “Call the cops, we have armed robbers in our house and I’m taking ‘em to court. Ya’ll are now witnesses.” The farmer went and called the local police office and they arrived shortly.
When they arrived the chief said “Alright, you know prank calling cops is illegal right?” The farmer responded by saying “You would believe me if you came inside sir.” So the police chief followed him inside with a few other officers and gasped in surprise at the scene. “Finally” said the wife as she lowered the knife back to the counter. The mouse put away his gun, but not before one of the officers had seen it and said “Hands up, your all under arrest!”
They took the mice to the cars and took them downtown. They set the bail extremely high considering these were talking mice and they committed a felony. They would go before the Grand Jury for the indictment in a few days. During that they would have to select a petit jury from the town because there wasn’t really any doubt that they were guilty. They would of course need a public defender, because who would want to have three talking mice robbers as a defendant willingly? Then the subpoenas would need to be sent out to the husband and neighbor, as well as the police officers, because they witnessed the crime, or at least right after.When all of the things that needed tending had been tended to the day for court came. The mice were escorted in to meet their lawyer, the farmer’s wife came in with her lawyer, and the witnesses took their seats. The day started out with the mice asking the judge for an arraignment. He told them they were being charged for attempted armed robbery, which they made no comments about or upon. Then they were sworn in and started the questions.
Their lawyer began by asking what they were doing in the farmer’s home, clearly he didn’t’ like his charges. They said they had gotten lost and wondered into there considering they were all blind. Nobody had realized that before when they moved without bumping into anything. Though that fact had just come to surface, their lawyer suddenly yelled, “PERJURY!” When the judge asked what he meant, he said “They say they are blind, and that may be true, but they still move like you or me and are completely aware of their surroundings.”
He picked up a pen from his table and tossed it in one of the mice’s direction. The mouse sidestepped the pen as it came towards him. “No further questions” said the lawyer as he sat back down. The judge looked to the prosecution and he stood up to cross-examine the mouse on the stand. Before the man had a chance to speak the mouse started asking for a plea bargain.
“No,” said the prosecutor “ that is only for who I would like to bargain with, not the likes of you.” The judge said “Alright ask your questions and sit down, sir.” Then the lawyer asked the mouse if he and his companions had indeed been in the house at that time and the mouse replied that yes, they had been. Then the prosecutor sat down and said he had no further questions. Then the jury went and discussed and were out within 10 minutes.
The judge tallied the votes and declared the mice were convicted for the crime they were charged with. The judge then said in a loud voice for all to hear, “The verdict for this case of the three robber mice is guilty for the crime as charged.” Then the leader, with a nasty smile said “We would like to appeal to a higher court, to be retried for this crime.”, but that’s another story for another time.