How to Bunbury
Or 'A Guide to Lead a Double Life'
What is Bunburying?
Bunbury is a made-up character by Algernon Moncrieff in the play, The Importance of Being Earnest, by Oscar Wilde. Algernon uses Bunbury to escape from his responsibilities so he can enjoy himself. Bunburying today is used to describe someone pretending to be someone else, but not going as far as to steal someone's identity.
In this guide, you will learn the ways of Bunburying, the do's and don'ts, the many different forms of personas, and how to live a double life.
- Do you wish to escape the harsh realities of your life?
- Do you just need an escape to enjoy yourself?
- Do you have social issues, is the true person you feel you are not the person others want you to be?
- Do you enjoy making people's lives more complicated?
- Have you played with one-too-many hearts and need to escape before you loose a limb?
- (insert your need to live a double life here)
If any of these examples apply to you, then you have an accurate reason to Bunbury.
Types of Bunburyists
A classic Disney movie, and a great role-model for young girls/women, Mulan goes against her family's traditions and dresses as a man named Ping to be in the army.
Hannah Montana (Miley Cyrus)
Hannah Montana is definitely living the best of both worlds. She appears by day to be an average teen, but at night she is a country-pop-rock star who is loved by everyone.
The Amazing Spiderman
"With great power comes great responsibility." Spiderman, along with all the superheroes of our childhood, has mastered the art of Bunburying. Although we all know their secret identity, they don't know we know, you know?
Hannah Montana (Miley Cyrus)
How to Bunbury
Step One: What You Will Need
- A name for your persona. Make it creative yet believable, nothing stupid like Brummy MacBrummerback or anything too generic, like Bob or Jerry.
- Dedication. Convince yourself that you are this person, when and where you are this person, and how you are to be this person.
- A back story - nothing too tragic, like "I watched my parents be murdered in front of me", or anything you can't back up in case you might have a lady/guy interest, and then there will be the 'meet the parents' awkward scenario.
- BE PREPARED AND ON GUARD AT ALL TIMES- anything and everything can happen. (Listen to Japeth the Goat's song 'Be Prepared' from the movie Hoodwinked to get motivated.)
Other things you will need to lead a convincing double life (warning: some of the following border on the illegal side):
- An extra photo ID in case you are arrested (do not steal others identities, as it is a crime, and you will be punished.)
- A passport for those long-distance relationships.
- Double it- you phone number, you clothes, your credit cards, websites like Facebook, so there is no recognition from any other person that might intertwine with your life.
Step Two: What Could Go Wrong?
ANYTHING can go wrong when handling the delicate acts of your social life. A Bunburyist should always be prepared for the worst of things.
List of possibilities that could ruin your Bunburying:
- Nosey neighbors, friends, or family who like to dig through personal accounts, phone bills, or anything really that could expose who you really aren't.
- The possibility of be recognized when running into somebody that 'you' know.
- People who are out for vengence that may be you arch nemesis but they are not obvious to 'you'.
- Your own dumb slips and mishaps, like leaving the coffee pot on and burning your house down... again.
Step Three: Avoid the Problem Before It Happens
To avoid and prevent problems, one must:
- Be prepared.
- Be cautious.
- Be straight up paranoid.
- Know what to say and when to say it.
- Plan your everyday life/activities and have them not conflict with others when they are not with you you.
- Always check to make sure any signs of 'disguise' are wiped off.
- Surround yourself with people who are very dumb or you will soon be found out.
- Most importantly, DON'T TELL ANYONE. No matter how trustworthy they seem, you should know... do not trust anyone, not even Brummy.
Step Four: What to do if a Problem Occurs
What if you slip up? What do you do then?
- Play it off, make up something about a something you're doing (remember, this could backfire, so you have now added another part of life to your life, good luck).
- Tell the truth (not recommended for a Bunburyist, but for people with morals).
- Pretend it didn't happen. If you can convince yourself it didn't happen, others will be convinced as well.
The Escape Plan
- You could always fess up, tell the truth about how you have been living a double life, and continue life as it were.
- Create a third persona to Bunbury and escape to live in Mexico, selling papayas for a living. (Caution: This is just an example, there is much more you can do with another life and you may be allergic to papayas, check first.)
- Scream as if the person who found 'you' out has committed a crime, then run.
- Camouflage yourself with nearest object. Just go with it... your accuser will stare for a moment then walk away more confused then ever.