“When gifted children are asked what they most desire, the answer is often ‘a friend’. The children’s experience of school is completely colored by the presence or absence of relationships with peers.” (Silverman, 1993, p. 72.)
During this pandemic and students having so many more available hours with at-home learning, they can also feel even more disconnected than usual from their peers. There has never been a more important time to focus on the social-emotional growth of gifted children.
Social-emotional development in gifted students often stems out of their peer to peer and peer to adult relationships. Because gifted children often experience asynchronous academic and social development, they can struggle to make meaningful connections with peers. The following are some ideas to help students make meaningful
relationships that will help them in their social-emotional journey.
Connect with older peers with similar academic interests and skills: Children tend to choose friends with similar academic abilities and interests. Gifted children seek out peers with their same intellectual strengths and interests and this can look different at each age. Younger gifted students frequently make friends through scheduled play dates, scheduled clubs and/or lunch groups at school. Sometimes online opportunities with other students in their ability level and interest group can be productive. Older adolescents and high school students tend to get involved in band, speech, drama and athletics. Since high school offers more clubs and activities, it’s often easier for students to find areas of interest and like minded peers. Regardless, gifted students frequently find connections with older peers since they tend to understand them and/or are at their academic or interest level.
Volunteer in an interest area: Younger students benefit from older students volunteering because it gives the younger student a role model as well as someone to converse with at their level. Older students benefit while growing in their ability to communicate and lead a younger student. Volunteering can be a great experience for younger and older students.
Develop listening skills to communicate with peers: Listening skills are crucial for children to develop empathy and social skills to make friends. Often we assume children and teens know how to listen to their peers, when in reality role playing and direct instruction can help them develop those skills.
Other lessons needed to develop social skills: Sometimes lessons regarding obvious frequently taken for granted social skills are needed. Physical space appropriate for social comfort levels, tone of voice, and conversation starters are just a few. When adults role model these skills and discuss them outloud with a gifted child it can help the child identify and grow in these skills.
Social Skills During COVID 19: With more time for gifted students to develop interests and to pursue online opportunities, students can use those activities as a conversational starting point. For example if I’m a student researching Art online, I can ask other students with artistic interests if they know about the site or if they would like to participate with me in that particular online activity or competition.
A Few Resources for Parents:
True friendships cannot be engineered, they occur organically, however, the more tools students have in their toolbelt, the more successful they will be at fostering those relationships. In addition, it’s sometimes crucial for students to have an adult help them find the tools and successfully navigate through their development.
If you know your child is struggling with peer relationships, please reach out to the gifted specialist for help and further resources.
