Week 14: Your butt

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This was last night's game. And yes, you read that right - 2pim for Chris for roughing. IT WAS NOT AN ELBOW

And yes, you also read that right - three unassisted goalz #Dzeko

Lines of the Night

Monday: SHARPNADO: 1g, 4a, +4, 8pim, 3ppp, 12sog, 21fw, 2hit, 2blk

Tuesday: Joan Smoothers: 3g, 10a, +3, 15pim, 5ppp, 21sog, 19fw, 19hit, 7blk

Wednesday: THAT IS NOT AN ELBOW: 2g, 3a, +2, 3ppp, 23sog, 12w, 6hit, 2blk, 1.01gaa, 19sv, .950sv%

Thursday: The Cat's Meow: 4g, 4a, +6, 2pim, 3ppp, 23sog, 37fw, 11hit, 4blk, 0.48gaa, 56sv, .982sv%, 1sho

Friday: Hot Ice Beast: 4g, 2a, -3, 2pim, 3ppp, 27sog, 34fw, 9hit, 5blk, 1.00gaa, 30sv, .968sv%

Saturday: NeonDion PewpMachine: 4g, 4a, +1, 6pim, 2ppp, 35sog, 58fw, 8hit, 6blk

Sunday: Joan Smoothers: 5g, 2a, +3, 6pim, 1ppp, 24sog, 22fw, 9hit, 13blk

Week 14 Matchups

Life is like a box of Raisin Bran - you never know what you're gonna get. Sometimes it's bottle caps. Other times it's nothing because there was a false bottom and now all the Raisin Bran is on the countertop and Ged is giggling in his bed. Oh and there's a boullion cube in your shower head. (ELBOWs 8, Lamorneus 5):

I don't know what it is about the matchups between me and Chris, but they are always a) sassy, b) unique, and c) right down to the wire. This matchup was so heated that it prompted Chris to abandon the long-standing Fiber Frenzy franchise and call upon the powers of California's favorite multi-sport athlete Lamorneus Gray. I took off to a healthy lead in the goalie department, only to have it fall apart on me later in the week. A Saturday shutout from Rask brought the Mertonian GAA down to 2.82451399, which was almost as good as my....2.82013787 (#effortlessssssss). The 10pim on Sunday from Chocolateface Simmonds was obvi heaven sent, as was the GAA caper. Like a box of Raisin Bran, this matchup had a false bottom. Chris, in the coming weeks I recommend helping out Lamorneus by calling upon a supporting cast of Bizmo Funyuns and Nyquillis Fartrell.

#Browning gods smite Ryan for illegal use of towel, but reward for cute penis (NADOS 8, Droplets 5):

Daem Austin is kinda creepin on 3rd place, who signed off on this? Hot Ice's very own Cubicle Captain n' Coke drilled out Ryan's hot twat this week with a commanding goalie victory and impressive offensive overpowering. Like a Jefferson history lesson from Austin, he wasn't gonna take no for an answer. And yes, I realize that doesn't really make sense. Much like Austin's Jefferson joke. Well, I kinda got it, and lol'd out loud. But still. Shut up Saksen.

Austin went to town on Ryan's b hole with Paul Stastny, a former ELBOW 18th round draft pick. That hurts my feelings.

U no haz slap betz? (Meowzerz 7, Beast 5):

Matt would like to make a proclamation regarding the proper #Browning technique, with a special hidden message for Saksen

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You really have to pay attention to the full head coverage - I think that's what Ryan was lacking. Great chest exposure, great pre-Selleck. I like it all, but could use a little more dongle. I like that Matt went with the 'tease' effect, but there's no time to fuck around in Hot Ice, let's see that cat peen.

To me this picture just says "Today I'm gonna take the worst team in FIFA and manage them right to the Premiership. I don't care how many times Britt wakes up in the middle of the night to check on me, and I don't care how sore my knees get from sitting Indian style ten inches from the TV....I can do anything."

Pete puts fly eggs all up in Brian's butt; dick move (Neon 8, Joan 4):

Way closer than the score suggests - 1g diff. / 1a diff. / 3pim diff. / 2ppp diff., all in the favor of that horned hobgoblin Pete. It looks like Brian tried to go for the slow and steady goalie approach, but got butt blasted by Frederick Anderson on Thursday. If it's not Hiller, it's not worth starting. Tavares huffed and puffed and blew his peeny peen peen, but Pete had more depth throughout the week. These two were also swapping waiver fodder, which I find ultra cute. I'm (somewhat) surprised Pete stole PIMs, and almost hits, from BriChi. The PewpMachine keeps churning out those tic tacs and shrimp scampi at an incredible rate. And it looks like I'm next :'(

Show yourself Pat (Bonurz 7, Casey 4):

Is anyone surprised that Charlie got a Sunday shutout? Pat has really fallen off the map after a pretty torrid start; this sounds like....every other year for Pat ;p

Pat could have made this competitive with some adds, yet his presence on the waiver wire was about as frequent as an 8am alarm for Pete. Charlie thanks you, Pat.

Week 14 Awards


Horseshoes and Hand Grenades: Joan Smoothers

Tight Butthole: NeonDion PewpMachine

Bieber Fever: Zamboners

Desk Pop: NeonDion PewpMachine

Sherriff of Nottingham: THAT IS NOT AN ELBOW

Robin Hood: Zamboners

Week 15 Predictions

This week's theme: winky faces

THAT IS NOT A Pewp: :'( Dion 8, ELBOWs 4

Dangleberry Power: ;^p Lamorneus 7, Droplets 6

BEASTNADO: o(>_<)o NADOS 8, Beast 5

Cat v. Cat: ^o_o^ Pasey 7, Meows 5

Smooth Boners: ;-* Joan 7, Zamz 6

See you all next week for another on-time Dish,