West Wing Bistro

Serving the Finest Presidential Cuisine Since 1792


Welcome to the West Wing Bistro. We're excited that you decided upon us for your next dining experience. We ask you to carefully observe our menu as we're sure you'll find something you love.


NSC Nachos

Served with melted cheese, juicy beef, and guacamole spicy enough to make you want to pick a fight.

Constitution Crisps

Lightly breaded rules on how to run the country.

Cabinet Basket

An assortment of wings chosen by the president. Includes everything from the spicy hot radicals to the milder tones of the moderates.

Soups and Salads

Tossed Salad
Originally, this salad featured many different ingredients like fruits, nuts, and cheeses that made it a very complex and delicious salad. Due to unfortunate trade restrictions caused by public safety concerns, we can no longer serve the salad as it was. This salad contains raw, mixed greens.

Our Caesar Salad
The original Caesar salad originated in Mexico. So as to not offend a billionaire from New York, we have invented our own Caesar Salad inspired by Julius Caesar. It contains a spicy Italian vinaigrette and toasted saffron croutons. We reserve the right to refuse you this salad at any time.

Soup of Questionable Legality

This soup contains ingredients that originally would have been banned by a large committee. However, our executive chef decided to bypass all their restrictions to bring you this delicious soup.


President’s Choice

Even the most powerful figure in the country has a favorite meal. Here at West Wing Bistro, these succulent BBQ ribs are by far the most popular simply because the President himself appointed it as the best meal at the restaurant. Even the critics can’t disagree.

Mystery Amnesty Meat

Made with whatever meat our cooks came across in the kitchen. May contain the variety of pork, beef, chicken, or sketchy Taco Bell meat. Definitely so good that you’ll excuse everything that’s in it.

The Star White House Staff

This is the strongest steak you’ve ever eaten. It may or may not command the whole country and is served with sweet maple-glazed carrots and Secret Service Steamed Broccoli to complement the delicate umami flavor of the 100% pure Angus beef.

The Famous Watergate Lasagna

This lasagna was served for years at the Watergate Complex. We have just recently obtained the recipe by bugging the kitchen.

The Commander in Chief

Thanks to the recent military annexation of Japan, we are able to bring you this delicious 30oz Porterhouse. We serve only genuine Wagyu beef with our “Commander in Chief”.

Roasted Turkey Dinner

Our roasted turkey has been around since 1914. We serve only grade A pardoned Presidential Turkeys.

Economic Platter

As our only seafood dish, we offer three finely crisped pieces of salmon. This is one of our most controversial dishes as the serving size has decreased. Very few could finish the original five pieces and complaints of high prices were abundant.


Secret Service Steamed Broccoli

Our broccoli is grown fresh in Michelle Obama’s garden. It is seasoned with pepper, but never salt.

Paranoia Potatoes

Potatoes creamed with suspicion about what really goes on in the kitchen.


Lewinsky Pinot Noir

This is the finest wine we serve. It’s fairly strong and may cause you to cheat on your significant other.

Washington’s Cherry Wine

This is produced using cherries grown at Mount Vernon. It’s sweet, cherry flavor will pair well with many of our dishes.

Washington’s Cherry Juice

Washington’s Cherry Juice is sure to delight our younger patrons.

The Health Monster

As part of some federal mandate, we’ve added a healthy option. This smoothie is partially funded by Medicare and contains generous helpings of kale and Swiss chard.

We also serve Coca-Cola products.


Neapolitical EOP Sundae
A delightful frozen treat of the different tastes of classic ice cream flavors, this sundae is an enigmatic combo of expert elements that blend together with splendor.

Obama Ears

Very similar to the tasty cinnamon and sugar fried dough that is found at fairs only much larger in size.

Fresh Yellow Cake

We’re fairly certain that our enemies have yellow cake and that’s not fair. In order to combat this unfairness, we have our fresh yellow cake frosted with the official white and blue of the United Nations.

“The Department of Energy”

The DOE is our signature tiramisu made with extra caffeinated espresso to make sure you can run all day long.

Contact Us

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