Class Pitch feedback
By Niamh McManus
Title of our film.
44% of the class thought that 'THE ACCIDENT' was a more suitable title.
56% of the class thought 'DELUSION' was a more suitable title.
As you can see the percentages are really close so it was still quite hard for us to pick which more we should use.
Reasons why people didn't like the title 'DELUSION' was because they thought that it gave too much away; it hinted at the twist too much that it might not surprise people. Where as people thought that 'THE ACCIDENT' didn't give away too much. However, some people did mention that if we name the short film 'THE ACCIDENT' We run the risk of the audience waiting for the accident to happen and that they won't pay attention to the narrative which is full off little clues and hints about the movie.
While reading through our feedback we saw that one person had offered the title of 'BAD INFLUENCE' to us. They said that this title might suit the short film better as it conveys the fact that Alison is a bad influence of the group, yet doesn't give away the fact that there will be a car crash - which 'THE ACCIDENT does- and also doesn't give away the twist in the ending - which 'DELUSION' does by suggesting that Olivia is delusional.
We like the idea of not giving anything away to the audience, so we decided to take the idea of 'BAD INFLUENCE' and altered it to 'UNDER THE INFLUENCE'. We are going to go with this as our title as we think that it is a good play or words that has to meanings which both relate to our film. The first meaning being driving under the influence which is the term given to drink driving. As you already know our short film has the theme of drink driving and this is one of the key scenes in the film. The second meaning being that Olivia is under the influence that her friends are still alive as she is seeing them and talking to them. Unlike with 'DELUSION' this title also leaves the ending a lot more open to interpretation as 'DELUSION' can convey that Olivia is just delusional and that she is seeing her dead friends. But we want people to make their own judgement on whether Olivia is mentally unstable from the crash and is creating them from her own imagination or if the three friends are actually ghosts?
as you can tell from the pie chart above, the majority of the class thought that our concept was clear and appealing with 88% voting yes.
However 12% of our class did vote yes/no to our concept idea as they were still unsure and gave us some feedback to help improve it.
Some people thought that our idea needed to be a little more refined, and that we needed to include more of the twist in the film. To do this we are going to lay some hints in the narrative that hints at the twist, however we have placed the twist at the end with no explanation as we want the audience to interpretation the film in their own way - which is why we have an open ending.
Some people thought that our twist was a very cliché twist which had been 'done to death' as they stated however they like the way that we have tried to keep it all original - a new take on a classic twist as it were.
To make our concept a little bit clear people have suggesting making it more obvious that the car crash is Alison's fault- it can be easily mistaken as just an accident.
A lot of people have said how they love the fact that the ending is open to interpretation.
Suggested films similar to ours.
Narrative and plot.
The class was asked to mark how appealing they found out Plot, Structure, Twist, Enigma and Ending.
as you can see, 14 people voted YES to the plot and 2 people voted NO.
Some suggestions for improvement were to make the twist a little less cliché and to add more people doubting her throughout the film, asking if she's okay to infer that she is fragile. However people said they actually liked the fact that it was difficult to understand what's really happening and what's just in her head - they said they liked that it will let the audience discuss it between themselves and come up with different theories.
One thing said by someone who voted NO to our plot was that the film wasn't a genre they necessarily like so the plot and overall narrative wasn't for them - but they did say that it sounds like something other people would like.
there is a majority vote in favour of our twist. People have said that they really like our twist being right at the end and it adds a spooky edge to a typical teen party movie. They said that the twist keep's the film interesting where as the drink driving theme keeps it realistic.
Again a suggestion is to think of a less cliché twist. One person who has votes YES/No has said that the twist will only work if we create the right tone all the way from the start. They said the fact that our film seems like a fun teen party film at the beginning makes the twist seem out of place. However I would have to disagree with this comment as I believe that this element of the film makes the twist seem more believable- it infers that mentally stability can happen to anyone. Also I think the juxtaposition of the really fun beginning to the very serious ending is a very marmite thing- people either love it or they hate it and I, and the rest of my team, love this effect.
People thought that our characters were very appropriate and thought that we had just the right amount- Too many would have been too much and less wouldn't have came across as realistic.
A lot of the of people said they liked that we had introduced the theology of binary opposites - Alison and Olivia are best friends yet Alison is outgoing, confident and popular , and Olivia is shy, innocent and intelligent. Alison is a bad influence of Olivia.
People have said our characters are believable as they reflect what typical teenagers are like- bitchy and self centred. People have said not to let Olivia come across as boring, but make her come across more as a survivor which she is in the end.