That Was Then This Is Now

Ideas of grief: Author, Me, and Together

Author’s Idea: People grieve in different ways.

My Idea: You are taught grief, some grieve behind doors and others grieve out in the open.

Together: People may not grief Mark was never really taught how so he may have thought death was nothing, Bryon clearly grieved to a small degree on the outside. When Mark’s parents were killed he was never shown how to feel about it, even before hand his parents were alcoholics and Mark spent a lot of time away either at school or with friends (Bryon). Bryon had his mother around to show him how to feel whether about what happened to his dad (unknown) or if someone in the family died. Bryon and Mark grieved differently. Some people don’t need to grieve at all.


Keen mental suffering or distress over affliction or loss; sharp sorrow; painful regret.
Myths of Grief

Some interesting myths about grief that might apply to the boys (Bryon & Mark)


  • Agony
  • Anguish
  • Despair
  • Melancholy
  • Misery
  • Mourning
  • Woe

When Bryon was grieving he might not use the word grieve he might use words that would hide his feelings a bit.

Some People Don't Grief

Some people like Mark do exhibit grief patterns. There have been many studies about grief and the different patterns. It could be the way they were raised or just because their brains do not find the need.
Possible Reason Why Mark Never Grieved His Parents

Because no one was grieving his parents, Mark had no one to mirror the feelings. And because he never grieved his parents and never learned to grieve at a young age he probably never will.

Alcohol and Drugs

When grieving some people turn to alcohol and drugs to "forget". The boys were already drinking before Charlie died, Mark even stole a beer the night Charlie died. If it wasn't for Cathy's support Bryon might have turned to drugs and alcohol.
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The Five Stages of Grief

During the book Mark did not really go through any stages of grief, but Bryon went through anger, depression (at a smaller degree), and acceptance.
Don't Repeat The Events

Bryon continues to repeat the night of Charlie's death in his head thinking, what could he have done different. He kept thinking that him and Mark should have listened to Charlie. Bryon dwells on Charlie's death and it only makes him feel worse.

One Way

They say one of the best ways to "get over" a death or tragedy is to be around people you care about. Bryon did that with Charlie's death he went to Cathy for comfort and to talk about it.
Catch 22 - As the Footsteps Die Out Forever (synced lyrics)
I chose the video/song above because it is about a boy losing his mother and denying the fact she is dead. I feel it would apply well to Bryon's denial about Charlie or possibly Mark's denial that he was upset about his parents killing each other.