News From Your School Psychologist
APRIL EDITION: Fostering INDEPENDENCE
Panic setting in for returning to the rigor and pace of normal life
Either way, life seems to have a slower pace. There are less places and activities to run to after school. Schedules, although more complicated, seem less jam packed. The morning routine may be easier for remote learners, with lower stakes. For Zoom learners, If they don't get dressed, that is okay. Or children may not have to wake up as early to catch the bus. Parents may not have to pack lunches the night before. You may not need to pack a backpack.
When thinking about going back to "in person learning", it may be daunting to think about doing all these things in a punctual manner. The notion of leaving the house by a certain time can be overwhelming on our frontal lobes for parents and children alike.
For remote families, the logistics of working and having kids at home has been very taxing. Like a muscle, kids need to use their executive functioning/frontal lobes more and more in order to strengthen these skills. Without the pressure of getting ready to leave the house, packing up for the day, and in some cases, over-relying on parents or grandparents, some students may be in for a big adjustment.
But....not to worry....kids are resilient and flexible. Here are some things you can do to start to encourage independence.
Chores
- 2 to 3-year-olds can put toys and groceries away and dress themselves with help.
- 4 to 5-year-olds can help feed pets, make their beds (maybe not perfectly), and help clear the table after dinner.
- 6 to 7-year-olds can wipe tables and counters, put laundry away, and sweep floors.
- 7 to 9-year-olds can load and unload the dishwasher, help with meal preparation, and pack their own lunch for school.
Self Help Skills
- Pick something that you have been doing for you child and let them do it. Even if they do it wrong. This can be something like picking their outfit or making their cereal.
-Refrain from Redoing
-Praise their effort and things done right
-In addition to setting opportunities for your child to build independence, it is important for you to let them know that you see them -Their efforts, their persistence, their bravery, their growth-
Parenting Hack
Motivation to complete a task is increased by invoking one’s sense of self. Subtly manipulating the verb form of a behavior (“Brush your teeth please”) to feature a noun label (Annie is a toothbrusher!) creates an essential part of one’s identity. In other words it creates confidence and a positive sense of self that this is “What I can do!”
This subtle change in language can change an occasional behavior of helping around the house (“Please set the table.”) into a child who has confidence in their permanent trait or skill (I am a tablesetter!).
Using the declarative noun form (clothes gatherer) creates psychological essentialism and develops in children a positive attitude, a strong and stable sense of self and generalizes to how they perceive themselves and their essential role over time.
WHEN CHECKLISTS DON'T WORK
For some kids, checklists are not effective. Many parent say, "I can't let them be independent. Nothing will get done! We'd be late every day."
Did you ever ask your child to complete a task like, “Go get ready for school,” and they get distracted and don’t do it? You want your child to be independent, but they rely on you to tell them each step and then say it several times.
What can you do?
The minute you say, “go up and brush your teeth,” you eliminate the mind work.
Checklists may not work either because they only utilize verbal working memory and doesn’t allow for self directed thought or visual working memory.
Kids benefit from planning backward and explaining the steps on how to get there with gestures. By miming this process, it allows kids to pre-experience things.
Take a photo of what “ready” looks like, hold it up and say, “Tell me your plan.”
Photographs help develop cognitive flexibility too because some details may need to change.
Think about when you have to learn a new skill. Maybe a recipe. Or a new very complex boardgame. As adults, we often say, “I have to do it/play it/cook it/experience it,” to truly understand it. Reading a manual or instructions isn’t enough. Sometimes, we just need to experience things to develop our memory and understanding. Kids are the same.
Gestures
With Covid, there has been a lack of experiential learning. Once we bring back 3-D toys and manipulatives and movement we expect to see improvements in executive functioning and independence.
Slide contributed by Sarah Ward
Be a "Mind Mime."
Clipart Eve Coates
Transition Tips
Developmental Norms for Future Planning
Typical developmental Norms (Sarah Ward, 2021)
2 year old: Can only see the "now"
3-5: They can plan or see only 5-20 minutes into the future
K-2: Several hours into the future
3rd-6th: 8-12 hours into the future
High School: 2-3 days into the future
A final Thought...
When all else fails, take a 90 second pause. You have about 90 seconds to clear negative emotions if you are paying attention to your nervous systems and are intentional with sensory practices.
(90 second rule, Lori Desauteis)
Contact Me
Email: selbaum@d103.org
Website: https://linktr.ee/selbaum
Location: 2425 Riverwoods Road, Lincolnshire, IL, USA
Phone: 847-945-6665