Week 17 Fantasy Baseball recap
Waiting for the ax to fall...
So I hope everyone enjoyed the roiding while it lasted, because Monday the ax is supposed to fall with a shitload of suspensions, including Oscar's Monger Nelson Cruz and my guy Everth Cabrera. Should be interesting to see if there are any other as-yet-unreported guys that will be suspended, and how the whole thing will shake out for this here fantasy league.
But that's all for next week...this week was damn well interesting enough, with the top two teams tussling but having a turd of a matchup, Aaron and Niko having a slapfest that ended in a draw, Sean coming out of nowhere with a dominant week and Oscar susprising no one with some more derelict managing.
Let's dive in, shall we?
Dan vs. Jesse
Top two teams trip over each other
On the offensive side, I started out hot with Carlos Gonzalez getting a 5-for-5 outing with two steals, helping him impressively get to 20 HRs and 20 steals already this year. However, he has an ongoing sprained finger issue that's apparently now sending him to the DL. Jesse had his own injury problems with top catcher Yadier Molina going to the DL with a knee issue, which is never good for catchers since they're always having to crouch. Our mishaps continued on Friday when Jesse's guy Joey Bats got robbed in what might be the catch of the year by J.B. Shuck. I followed that up by batting a cool .111 on Saturday to let Jesse back in the matchup in runs and average. Blerg. It all came down to Sunday, with half the categories up for grabs, and while Jesse was able to overtake me in average, he made a final boner move by sitting Trumbo, who had a 3-run jack, and had ANOTHER injury, this time Hanley Ramirez tumbling over a wall. I held on by a single run and SB for the ugly victory. Not proud of it but I'll take it, and I'm now 3-0 against Jesse this year. Beat it nerd.
Aaron vs. Niko
Let's Get Shakespearean on Shits, Swansons
Niko's guys blasted some bombs, with 11 total and three each from Anthony Rizzo and Brian McCann. That was the only hitting stat the Nancies would win though, as the Shits had a nice well-rounded effort to win the other four categories. Andrew McCutchen was the best example of well-roundedness, contributing an 8/1/7/2/.379 stat line. Not much more you can ask for there. The trade these two guys did earlier in the year again helped Aaron, who got a .429 average from Beltre this week, while Niko has already dumped Morse and Youkilis, and Giancarlo Stanton should focus on his modeling career if he keeps hitting .087 like he did this week. In the end...there was all this trash talk and it just ended a lame tie? Makes me think of a quote I'll paraphrase from Macbeth: "It is a tale of two idiots, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing."
Pete vs. Sean
The Gaudins will look back on this week fondling
Where Sean won this week though was on the mound, winning four of the five pitching stats. Getting six wins with a 1.92 ERA and 0.99 WHIP will win those categories damn near every week. A.J. Burnett had a win, 18 K's and a 1.12 ERA over two starts, while Wade Miley and Homer Bailey contributed shutout starts. Pete's pitching staff is a hot mess...his ERA was north of 6 for much of the week and he only got one win. Pete, be better at fantasy baseball.
Also...Sean, since we're not playing each other again this year, and since you're playing Jesse next week, let me make some roster suggestions for you. Dump Brandon Belt for chrissakes, he just got benched for most of this week for sucking so bad. Definitely ditch Vernon Wells too, and perhaps Marco Scutaro. Kyle Seager should be your starting 3B and you should have someone with better overall stats in a utility spot. Let's allow the experts at Fangraphs explain why Scutaro sucks in fantasy, and why Seager has been an absolute stud. While we're getting rid of Giants, kick Zito to the curb...he has an ERA above 5 and just got pulled from the rotation for being so shitty! Gaudin's on the waiver wire and has actually been pretty good since news of the groping came out, you should pick him up just for comedy's sake.
Speaking of comedy, I hate the Giants but do really enjoy Grant Brisbee, a blogger that covers the team. This is the tweet of the year, as far as I'm concerned.
Eliot vs. Oscar
Puigs plaster odiferous owner Oscar
Oscar's pitching staff pretty much sums up his team. Matt Moore went on the DL with elbow soreness, but remains in the starting lineup. He also still has Yu Darvish on his DL, even though he's healthy again and pitching and had 14 K's on Thursday. I am SHOCKED at this development. To top it off, he also has Tommy Milone on the roster, even though the A's just sent his ass down to the minors. Just well done all around. Yet the guys the Mongers DID have pitching helped save him from a skunking by putting up a 1.97 ERA, the lone stat that Oscar won this week. For Eliot, Kenley Jansen had just about as good a week as a reliever can possibly have. A vulture win, 3 saves and not a single damn blemish on his WHIP. Yikes, that is some dominance. The blowout win gives a big boost to Eliot's record, which is now above .500.
Jesse has come a single pitching win from full skunkings both times he played Sean previously, but I think the Gropers might be a little frisky this week coming off a nice victory. Hey Gaudins, just pretend the Tacos are unconscious on a hospital gurney if it helps get your guys in the mood to score. Nevertheless, I think this will be another somewhat easy victory for Jesse...none of the other stats were particularly close in his 9-0 romp in Week 4, with saves and ERA the only somewhat competitive categories in his repeat rout in Week 11. I think Sean can maybe eek out a couple stats this time around, but the overall outcome will never really be in doubt. Prediction: Jesse, 7-2.
DAN VS. NIKO (season series: 2-0 Dan)
My previous two battles with the Nancies have been close...the Piggies won by the hair of their chinny chin chins in Week 4, edging Niko in batting by a ridiculously close .00046 difference in average. The Swansons slugged 12 homers in that matchup but only 5 in the rematch in Week 11...gonna have to bring their A game if they want to keep up with the big bois this week. I think this will be another close one and, hell, let's give this one to the Nancies. Prediction: Niko, 6-4.
AARON VS. ELIOT (season series: tied 1-1)
Aaron's team has been like night and day. In the first part of the season they sucked, and more recently they've been pretty damn good. Let's call it the Tale of Two Shitties. The Shitty Shits reared their ugly head in Week 4 when they hit a laughable .192 with only 4 homers and had an ERA nearing 6, allowing Eliot to win 8-1. Yikes. But while Aaron's squad only got marginally better on offense in the Week 11 rematch (.260 avg, just 5 jacks), he had solid outings on the mound to sweep all five pitching stats on his way to a 7-3 victory. So who will win the rubber match? Both teams need to win to firm up their grasp on a playoff spot, and I think this one goes Eliot's way, just barely, thanks to slightly better pitching. Prediction: Eliot, 5-4.
PETE VS. OSCAR (season series: 1-0-1 Pete)
Ahh, the battle of the league's two derelicts. What epic boner will decide this matchup? Will Pete sit another no-hitter? Will Oscar let another injured guy languish in his starting lineup? So much could go wrong! In Week 4, Pete left a bunch of starting pitchers on his bench, allowing Oscar to win four of the five pitching stats. However, the Mongers forgot their roid shipment and hit a sad .198 on offense that week, allowing Pete to "win" in all five categories with only slightly better stats and squeak out the overall victory. In the rematch, these two sadsacks stumbled to a stalemate, with Pete leaving a Chris Sale 14 K performance on the bench highlighting the usual hilarious gaffes between these two. I think Oscar will get revenge this time around and win in another close one. Prediction: Oscar, 6-4.
Were last week's predictions right? 2-1-1 (34-23-7 for the year, don't act like you're not impressed)
Last Harbinger of Your Wasted Time
Earlier in the week, Sean and I went to my uncle Greg's reunion show in Oakland. For those that don't know, my uncle started the punk band Black Flag and is on Rolling Stone's Top 100 Guitarists of All Time, but is also just a weird guy who is obsessed with cats and veganism. Anyways, it was funny to see a bunch of old guys in the crowd moshing around and throwing beer in the air like they were 20 again. Also, my uncle just sued other ex-members of the band this weekend. Nice. Never a dull moment with my crazy family.
Should be interesting next weekend with Outside Lands, the big-ass music festival in SF's Golden Gate Park, to which I have a three-day pass. I'm sure I'll see plenty of drunk idiots there too, and hopefully a story or two to share the next time we meet.