Wellness Wednesday

November 13, 2019

Setting Boundaries

A boundary is a clearly defined point where your responsibility ends and another person's begins. Boundaries stop you from doing the work that other people should be doing for themselves.

It lets you know who is willing to respect you and who isn’t.

It keeps you safe from people taking advantage of you.

They push you to stand up for yourself.

It enforces your self-care.

It shows that you, your time, and your energy are important! All things that are true!

It allows you to decide how you will be treated by others.

If it’s something that you struggle with – work on it every day! Work on saying the word NO. Don’t be afraid to speak up when something makes you uncomfortable. Make sure that other people are treating you appropriately, yourself included. Respect yourself by practicing self-care and making sure that you are truly doing the things that are right and good for your soul.

Tips for Setting Boundaries

1. Assess Resentment

Recognize feelings of hurt, anger, or resentment as early warning signs that you need to start setting boundaries. When you can be honest about these disagreeable feelings, you can use them to help signal when it is time to say yes or no.

2. Clue into Personality Preferences

Developing healthy boundaries goes hand-in-hand with becoming drawn to boundary lovers. People who are immature at limit-setting often find themselves involved with "boundary-busters" in the form of family, colleagues, or friends. Instead, make deeper connections with people who can hear your "no" without being critical, getting hurt, or personalizing it.

3. Seek Other Boundary Setters

Whether you are growing new boundaries in your current relationships or finding new ones, you need others with the same values of limit setting and responsibility to encourage you, practice with you, and stay with you.

4. Define What is Most Important

Write a list of your "treasures"- whether your time, money, feelings, or beliefs. Ask yourself how you want others to treat these treasures. How do you want others to not treat them?

5. Practice Baby Nos

Ask a good friend, someone you trust and who loves you, if you can practice "baby nos" with them. This could be about something small that rubbed you the wrong way recently. For instance, "I felt hurt when you were running late and didn't let me know." Either they'll cheer you on warmly for being open about your feelings, or they'll confront you. But "true intimacy is built around the freedom to disagree."

6. Revel in Some Guilt

If the conscience were silent and provided you with no "how could you?" guilt-inducing messages, it might mean that you were remaining stagnant. Feeling some guilt about saying no means actually means you are moving ahead!

Big picture


Breathing Practice - 10 Minute Guided Meditation