Overdosing is not the escape
I was going through some stuff in my personal life, I felt like it would be an escape from reality. So I decided to take 25 pills. It probably seems reckless but that was the mindset I was in. I felt like there was nothing to live for, and I could careless what happened to me. for everyday for 6 days straight I would take 8 pills a day to get through. then i hit the climax and took 25 pills one the day after. I was in a dark place at the time. it probably does seem scary. that's how my life was around then; feeling like your stuck in a dark room with no windows. Then I had to go to the hospital because my mom was scared if I was going to make it or not. I just kept thinking in my head, " I could die" , and knowing my bottom, is going to be death. I stayed up all night at the hospital clueless, literally not knowing what to even do. Then the next day having to go to another hospital to stay for two weeks. While I was there I was socially awkward because I didn't know where I was, what I was doing, I didn't know anybody that was there except myself. So twice every week my mom could come visit me and she did. everyday we would talk to a therapist to see how I was doing and everything. I just didn't think any human being could be happy without being on something. Cocaine, Heroin, Crack, Crystal meth, pills or anything that would put your life in harm. I'm just glad I have a mom that loves me to come to my room in time before my organs and stuff would start to shut down. Just know it gets better.
The behavior/health hospital I had to stay at
I honestly felt lost without the pills. i took them so much that i NEEDED to have them. to the point where i would lose my balance sometimes..
Getting through it
It was pretty hard coming off of the pills. Coming down from them I still had the mind set of thinking negative. And that when I got out of the hospital then I would have a relapse, and fall back into the same spot I was in before I came here. I just thought about everything that has happened and how god has kept me on this world for a reason. And I just stuck through it because it was for the better. I was just thinking about how strong I was because 8 pills everyday could have hurt me. Then I took 25 pills and made it through barely. I'm just thankful to be kept alive, because some people don't survive like that.