The Summit Semiweekly
September 14, 1875
Boy Kidnapped, Returned for Small Fee
Earlier this week, our town's number one troublemaker, Johnny Dorset, was abducted by two men of unknown identities. After being stuffed into the bottom of a buggy and spending a few days in captivity, Johnny was returned to his father Ebenezer for the fee of $250. When asked why he would pay that much money to have his little boy returned, Mr. Dorset replied, "I did not pay the fee. Those two kidnappers had no clue what kind of trouble they were getting themselves into when they took my boy. They were gladly willing to pay $250 and more to get that kid off their hands." When asked for comment on his kidnapping, Johnny had this to say,"I had so much fun with Old Hank and Snake-Eye. I left them my telegraph number so they could call me and we could play Indians any time they wanted." Well folks, you know what this means: put your kittens' protective padding back on and tell your children to not look under the bed unless they want the Johnny Monster to get them. Don't forget we will continue practice the Johnny Sirens on Wednesday at noon, and tell your children that they will have a Johnny Drill at school this Thursday at 9:00 A.M. Stay indoors at all costs, and if you see Johnny avoid looking directly into his eyes, or your body will turn to stone.