Talking About Race
Celebrating Diversity Edition
How to use this document
In partnership,
Ted Duncan
Talking With Your Child About Race
While raising children comes with its daily challenges, raising a child today, in the midst of the societal discourse that is being portrayed through protests and demonstrations, movements and hashtags, violence and blame, parents and families are faced with a whole new challenge. A task that seems unnecessary at first thought, almost instinctual, but imperative for ethical growth. A task that can bring about discomfort and unease. The task of talking to your child about racism.
What is too much? What is not enough? What if they’re too young and we scare them? What if we are scared, too?
Racism is a word that is widely used and yet often carries many different meanings depending on who is using it. If we want to work together effectively for racial justice, we need to be clear about what racism is, how it operates, and what we can do to end it.
In this era of social media, our youth have become the targets of influencers from all over the world. From musicians to make-up bloggers, from politicians to Tik-tok-ers, the ability for misinformation and cultural biases to make it into your homes is almost unfathomable.
It is our responsibility, as parents and caregivers, as humans raising the future leaders, to expose our children in an enlightening and responsible way, to the diversified beauty that surrounds us.
This is not simply a one time conversation and it will look differently for each and every home. There is no one size fits all approach to teaching our children about the injustices they may encounter, whether on the receiving end, as a bystander, or as an accomplice. While the way children learn evolves as they grow, the old adage “actions speak louder than words” will never die out. You are the example your child follows. Parents are children’s introduction to the world. What they see you do is as important as what they hear you say.
Like language, prejudice is learned over time. Take every opportunity to challenge racism, demonstrate kindness and stand up for every person's right to be treated with dignity and respect. Try to find ways to introduce your child to diverse cultures and people from different races and ethnicities. Such positive interactions with other racial and social groups early on helps decrease prejudice and encourages more cross-group friendships. You can also bring the outside world into your home. Explore food from other cultures, read their stories and watch their films. Be conscious of racial bias in books and films and seek out ones that portray people from different racial and ethnic groups in a positive light.
Here are some age-appropriate ways to start that conversation:
Under 5 years
At this age, children may begin to notice and point out differences in people they see around them. As a parent, you have the opportunity to gently lay the foundation of their worldview. Use language that’s age-appropriate and easy for them to understand.
Recognize and celebrate differences – If your child asks about someone’s skin color, you can use it as an opportunity to acknowledge that people do indeed look different, but to point out things we have in common. You could say, “We are all human, but we are all unique, isn’t that amazing”!
Be open – Make it clear that you’re always open to your children’s questions and encourage them to come to you with them. If your children point out people who look different – as young children can often do from curiosity – avoid shushing them or they will start to believe that it’s a taboo topic.
Use fairness – Children, especially those around 5, tend to understand the concept of fairness quite well. Talk about racism as unfair and that’s why we need to work together to make it better.
6-11 years
Children this age are better at talking about their feelings and are eager for answers. They are also becoming more exposed to information they may find hard to process. Start by understanding what they know.
Be curious – Listening and asking questions is the first step. For example, you can ask what they’re hearing on television and through social media.
Discuss the media together – Social media and the internet may be one of your children’s main sources of information. Show interest in what they are reading and the conversations they are having online. Find opportunities to explore examples of stereotypes and racial bias in the media, such as “Why are certain people depicted as villains while certain others are not?”.
Talk openly – Having honest and open discussions about racism, diversity and inclusivity builds trust with your children. It encourages them to come to you with questions and worries. If they see you as a trusted source of advice, they are likely to engage with you on this topic more.
12+ years
Teenagers are able to understand abstract concepts more clearly and express their views. They may know more than you think they do and have strong emotions on the topic. Try to understand how they feel and what they know, and keep the conversation going.
Know what they know – Find out what your children know about racism and discrimination. What have they heard on the news, at school, from friends?
Ask questions – Find opportunities such as events in the news for conversations with your children about racism. Ask what they think and introduce them to different perspectives to help expand their understanding.
Encourage action – Being active on social media is important for many teenagers. Some may have begun to think about participating in online activism. Encourage them to do so as an active way to respond and engage with racial issues.
What Are Your Children Encountering Online?
Ideas for Answering Difficult Questions
Here are some ideas for how to approach challenging and complex topics about racism, and safety are below—although it’s important to modify messages for your individual child’s age and stage.
Why are people being mean and hurting others?
These people don’t like anyone who is different from them. They only like people who look like them. And they want everyone to think the same way they do. It can feel sad and scary to see them being so mean. I’m glad that so many kind and caring people are saying, “Hey, it’s not ok to be mean and hurtful to others.”
If your child has seen footage of people being injured and asks about it: Sometimes people get so stressed that they do things they should not do. It is never okay to hurt people because we disagree with them. The person who was hurt has gone to the doctor for help.
What is going to happen?
Many good people are really upset about this. I don’t know what is going to happen, but we’re together. I love you and I will keep you safe.
Is Daddy safe? Is Mommy safe?
Grown-ups can take care of themselves and keep themselves safe. You don’t have to worry. Mommy/Daddy always try to be safe in everything we do. Remember how we always look both ways before we cross the street? That is one way we stay safe. And there are many other ways that grown-ups stay safe too.
Am I safe?
Mommy/Daddy will keep you safe. That is our job. Your job is to be a kid and have fun. We love you and we will keep you safe. There are many people—black people, white people, and kind police officers—who are also working to make sure you are safe.
If you don’t know the answer to your child’s question, that’s okay. These are complex issues. It builds your child’s trust in you when you are open about not always knowing the answer.
Your child may be upset or confused following these challenging discussions. Watch for these signs and respond with extra support, hugs, and time together so that your child feels secure. Point out positive, supportive members of her community (family members, religious leaders, teachers, home visitors, physicians and others) who also care for and nurture your child. Let children know they have a network of people who are there for them.
Resources for Families
Below are resources recommended by educational institutions for families. Please use your judgement in screening these resources for age appropriateness and maturity level in your household.
Books
IntersetionAllies: We Make Room for All by Chelsea Johnson, LaToya Council, & Carolyn Choi
The brainchild of three women-of-color sociologists, IntersectionAllies is a smooth, gleeful entry into intersectional feminism. The nine interconnected characters proudly describe themselves and their backgrounds, involving topics that range from a physical disability to language brokering, offering an opportunity to take pride in a personal story and connect to collective struggle for justice.
Coretta Scott King Book Award Winners
Each winter (either January or February), the Coretta Scott King Book Awards are given to outstanding African American authors and illustrators of books for children and young adults that demonstrate an appreciation of African American culture and universal human values.
From fun and fanciful picture books to historical fiction, fantasy, biography, romance, science fiction, and coming-of-age tales, these books show Latinx characters in various national and cultural contexts.
Stamped: Racism, Antiracism, and You by Jason Reynolds and Ibram X Kendi
The middle-grade version of Kendi's National Book Award-winning Stamped from the Beginning, which was written for adults. STAMPED tells the story of competing ideas about race as they have evolved in the United States from the colonial period to the present. The authors present these ideas in relatable, young person-friendly ways and discuss the conflicts between people who write about them, embody them, and act on them.
Award-Winning Children’s Books
In this feature in Social Education, Amy Adkins reports on the Carter G. Woodson Book Awards and Honorees for 2020 (cover images and reviews at the link below):
Elementary:
- The Undefeated by Kwame Alexander and Kadir Nelson (Versify)
- Todos Iguales/All Equal: Un Corrido de Lemon Grove/A Ballad of Lemon Grove by Christy Hale (Children’s Book Press)
- Carter Reads the Newspaper by Deborah Hopkinson, illustrated by Don Tate (Peachtree Publishers)
Middle/Secondary:
- Infinite Hope: A Black Artist’s Journey from World War II to Peace, an autobiography by Ashley Bryan (Atheneum Books for Young Readers)
- The Promise of Change: One Girl’s Story in the Fight for School Equality by Jo Ann Allen Boyce and Debbie Levy (Bloomsbury Children’s Books)
- Accused! The Trials of The Scottsboro Boys: Lies, Prejudice, and the Fourteenth Amendment by Larry Dane Brimner (Calkins Creek)
In a companion feature in Social Education, Amy Adkins reports on the Septima Clark Women in Literature Awards and Honorees for 2020 (cover images and reviews at the link below):
Elementary:
- Rise! From Caged Bird to Poet of the People, Maya Angelou by Bethany Hegedus, illustrations by Tonya Engel (Lee & Low Books)
- Instructions Not Included: How a Team of Women Coded the Future by Tami Lewis Brown and Debbie Loren Dunn (Disney Hyperion)
- Girls with Guts! The Road to Breaking Barriers and Bashing Records by Debbie Gonzales and Rebecca Gibbon (Charlesbridge)
Middle/Secondary:
- Reaching for the Moon: The Autobiography of NASA Mathematician Katherine Johnson by Katherine Johnson (Simon and Schuster)
- Soaring Earth: A Companion Memoir to Enchanted Air by Margarita Engle (Atheneum Books for Young Readers)
- Taking Cover: One Girl’s Story of Growing Up During the Iranian Revolution by Nioucha Homayoonfar (National Geographic)
See also this extended list of Notable Social Studies Trade Books for Young People for 2020.
T.E.D. Talks/Videos
Bryan Stevenson’s We Need To Talk About Injustice
Bryan Stevenson is one of the leading racial justice advocates, working with people incarcerated on death row. If anyone can diagnose recent injustices and understand the steps forward it would be him.
Mellody Hobson's Color Blind or Color Brave
The subject of race can be very touchy. As finance executive Mellody Hobson says, it's a "conversational third rail." But, she says, that's exactly why we need to start talking about it. In this engaging, persuasive talk, Hobson makes the case that speaking openly about race — and particularly about diversity in hiring -- makes for better businesses and a better society.
Verna Meyers on How To Overcome Our Biases? Walk Towards Them
#AllLivesMatter is the new color blind and both terms are proof that people fear being accused of biases more than they feel committed to addressing them. Let’s lose the shame and take bold steps deeper into your allyship.
Heather McGhee’s Racism Has A Cost for Everyone: My liberation is bound in yours. This is not a feel good statement but a reality when it comes to how racism impacts policy, budgets, and prevents us from achieving a society that works for us all.
Family & Children Services: Talking to Kids about Racism, Violence and Protests
Should we tell the children? How? Those are among the many questions parents are asking after the deaths of George Floyd, Ahmaud Arbery and Breonna Taylor. Many white parents wonder whether to talk with their kids at all, while parents of color swallow their grief and fear to have “the talk” once again. Family & Children’s Services and other experts in child psychology and race-based stress say these conversations are essential for all parents to have, and they underscore that there are developmentally appropriate ways to talk to children of all ages about racism and police brutality.
2020-2021 Official School Calendar with Virtual Days Options
Remote Learning Days for Students
- September 25 and 30
- October 15
- January 19
- February 24
- March 19
Mark Your Calendars for the First Day of School, August 12
Gentle Reminders
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