Are You Prepared?
Life Long Roller Coaster
Lifetime Commitment and Are You Prepared?
Essential skills for parenting
They're are an overwhelming amount of skills that are need for parenting but don't let the list intimidate you, most are common sense... (no specific order)
- A very important skill to have is responsibility. There is no instruction manual that comes with a new born therefore you're not just responsible for your life but the life of your child too and you have to make the best decisions for them. For example if you were to leave the house with no diapers that would be your fault because your responsible for the child's well being until a certain age. A simple way to acquire responsibility, can start slow and progressively get better. For example, feeding the dog daily, or taking the dog on daily walks. Another example is completing homework on a daily basis as you are responsible fo your actions. As life goes on the amount responsibility increases therefore if you start young you'll be well prepared as a parent.
- Discipline. Children are constantly testing their boundaries and parents need to be the ones to respond appropriately to this testing. A 2-year-old flushing jewelry down the toilet and a teenager taking Dad’s car without permission should receive age-appropriate punishments. Consistent punishments will give them an understanding of consequences and allow them to set their own boundaries as adults. For example, as a kid I would always draw on the walls and whenever I got caught my mother would slap me on my bum. From past experiences and matureness I set boundaries and know whats right from wrong. In-order to develop a skill like discipline you should set personal consequences. For example if you wanted to eat a peppermint patty you should punish yourself into doing 25 push up's before eating that treat, like all skills it can start off slow then die off as you would understand the ability.
- Patience. Practice patience from the minute you find out you are pregnant. Once your baby arrives, patience becomes even more important. His crying will try you, along with his strong will, toddler independence and temper tantrums. As children are growing, your patience will again be pushed to the limit with endless questions of "why" and "how come." Responding with gentle patience teaches your child appropriate ways to react when he or she is faced with frustration and annoyance. Patience might be one of the most difficult skills anyone can learn to acquire. Impatience is like blowing up a buildup of stress and anxiety. Therefore try throughout your day to release stress and clean your system. You can try things such as exercising, or even 10 minute yoga sessions. Another technique is to change your attitude towards things. For example Most people struggling with patience can never answer this question “Why are you in such a hurry?” Realize that even if something happens a few seconds or even minutes late, nothing will happen. The task will still get done.
- Communication. Having good communication skills is important in every relationship, but it is vital when it comes to parenting. With children, be specific with your directions, but not in a demanding or rude way. Instead of saying, "Tidy your room," say, "Please put your cars in the red bin and your blocks in the blue bin. Communication is key to child growing up but isn't a difficult skill to learn. Communication within grownups should not be communicated o your child, because they would not understand you. Communication is how your child will learn in the future from knowing what to say when meeting someone, and receiving a gift from someone. Communication is used everyday, either verbally or visually therefore if your good at being descriptive and fun then you'll do fine.
- Lastly Love. Affection, is not exactly a skill, but a must to have instinct, is considered as a skill. Children love to be loved. It is a fact that whatever children do is to gain attention of the parents and achieve their love. Therefore parents should be always willing to love their children. Affection unexpressed is a waste. There are ways of letting your child know that you love him/her. Telling them frequently that you love them, kissing and hugging them etc... are the most accepted ways of Love. Love is an important aspect between parents and children. It's hard to develop a skill like love. You can relate love to something you like a lot, for example something I really like food, therefore I love food. Love is mainly acquired through personal likings and is not preachable to learn as a skill.
The wrong reasons
- EAGER GRANDPARENTS: One of the wrong reasons to have children can be to keep your own parents happy. Grandparents can drive you mad, with their endless questions about when you're going to start a family, and complaining that their friends have lots of grandkids. Don't let them influence your decision of having a child. You know when your ready to have a child more than anyone else, therefore tell your grandparents that'll will have a child when you and your partner are both ready and can handle the responsibilities.
- TIME IS RUNNING OUT: Most if not all women worry about the biological clock, but sometimes women feel they should start family because the time is running out. This is not a good reason to conceive at all, because if your not 100% committed to having a child, them it can be a bad idea for everyone
- WANTING HIM TO COMMIT: If you think a baby will save your relationship with someone, your completely wrong. Some women are scared of the fact that their partner won't commit to them for the rest of their lives therefore the women get pregnant so the male must stay. Getting pregnant to keep a man is horrible because you're determined to keeping your partner rather than committing to your child. You must provide suitable living conditions and certain equipment and if your in a relationship your partner should assist you because it's very tough to raise a child on your own.
- ALL YOUR FRIENDS HAVE ONE: You should not have a child because most of your friends have one and you want to fit in. You should only have a child when your prepared and and your lifestyle is available and suitable to acquire one, meaning an occupation, family members that can help when not available etc. Peer pressure can lead to many things such as smoking and drinking but peer pressure should not lead you into having a child because it will come with hard consequences if you don't prepare and have support from a partner or family, especially if they can't handle it also.
Signs of readiness
There are many signs of readiness for becoming a parent and they all fall under factors, such as personal factors, social factors and financial factors.
- Desire: The desire to become a mom or dad indicates you are ready to be a parent because you want to experience what it is like to have your own child.
- Responsibility: You have taken full responsibility both spouses and will share them equally.
- Love of the Children: Unconditional love and appreciation of children is a must to have.
- Committed partnership: Both spouses are in healthy and understanding relationship
- Finances are up to date and is stable enough to raise a child, and purchase equipment like a crib and stroller etc
Styles of parenting
There are many styles of parenting from many theorist and these are the styles from a well known theorist Barbara Coloroso
1. Brick-wall Family: A brick-wall is a nonliving thing, designed to restrict, to keep in and to keep out. In brick wall families the structure is rigid and is used for control and power, both of which are in the hands of the parents.
2. Jellyfish Family: A jellyfish has no firm parts at all and reacts to every eddy and current that comes along. In jellyfish families structure is almost non-existent; the need for it (structure) may not even be acknowledged or understood.
3. Backbone Family: A backbone is a living. supple spine that gives form and movement to the whole body. In backbone families structure is present and firm and flexible and functional.