Orwell's lesson on loyalty as expressed throughout 1984
Meaning- The fact that this monologue about how terrible the party is has been running through his head for years shows that he has no loyalty to the party but rather, loyalty to himself.
Hatred of Julia
Quote- "A figure in blue overalls was coming down the pavement, not ten meters away. It was the girl from the Fiction department, the girl with dark hair. ... He could keep on her track till they were in some quiet place, and then smash her skull in with a cobblestone. The piece of glass in his pocket would be heavy enough for the job." (Orwell, 85)
Meaning- Winston both hates and distrusts this girl so much he wants to meet her in a back alley and kill her. He is not even loyal to his own humanity but rather, is far more loyal to himself and his own survival.
Betrayal of Julia
Quote: "Do it to Julia! Do it to Julia! Not me! Julia! I don't care what you do to her. Tear her face off, strip her to the bones. Not me! Julia! Not me!" (Orwell, 236)
Meaning- Finally, after all of the torture and pain that Winston has had to endure, he has reverted back to self preservation and self loyalty. His loyalty to Julia has melted away to only loyalty to himself.