Girl, I'm on Fire!

Alexa Balogh

Leo Valdez the Red Panda is Lookin' for Ladies

Hey lady, it's Leo Valdez the red-hot panda, or "fire fox." Either way, you get the idea of how hot I am! My thick red fur flaunts my flame. It keeps me lookin' hot 24/7, as well as the fact that I'm "warm-blooded." Seriously though?! More like boiling-hot-blooded! Hold up, wouldn't I be dead then?! Whatever, I love suffering! Anything for the ladies! I've also got four legs! Four times the good-looks! Some say they're scrawny, but hey, scrawny is the new sizzling hot! We all have our weaknesses, though. Take me for example. Us mammals have the perk of being able to give live birth and feed our young milk, but male-mals like me don't! And, I'm tragically funny and good-looking!

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Join team leo, girl!

Hypothetically speaking, if there was this hot hummingbird named Calypso, I'd love to be her mate. With all those beautiful teal hues, sleek, shiny feathers, and fiery throat like the petals of a burning rose... Dang, that girl would be fine. Ya know, hypothetically speaking. Hummingbirds are so hot, literally. They're warm-blooded just like me, if you put aside the fact that I am instead boiling-hot-blooded of course. And their feathers as well as their eggs are fireproof, so this hypothetical Calypso girl won't have to worry about getting burnt with how hot I am! Wait, maybe it was waterproof... Whatever, it was something-proof! You get the point though, right? If you happen to be a very attractive hummingbird named Calypso, join Team Leo!
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Oh, and just in case I'm too much for you.....