Material Safety Data Sheet
A Physical and Chemical Analysis of "Man"
Information
Element Name: Aubrey Garmon
Atomic Mass: Undisclosed
Symbol: shown to the right
Discoverer: Brandi Spears
Occurrence: Can almost always be found anywhere with wifi
Physical Properties
Surface Properties: Dark hair, brown eyes, 5' 4".
Boils when: Loses anything, very competitive.
Melts if: Cute dogs are around.
Sad when: I have to go back home from a vacation.
Happy when: I get to watch TV.
Becomes stubborn and unyielding when: asked to do chores.
Chemical Properties
Is repelled by: loud people.
Is attracted to: bread and pasta.
May explode spontaneously when: people do annoying things.
Requires copious amounts of: blankets.
Is inert if: it's past 9:45.
Will repel: cats.
Is impervious to: judgmental people.