Material Safety Data Sheet

A Physical and Chemical Analysis of "Man"


Element Name: Aubrey Garmon

Atomic Mass: Undisclosed

Symbol: shown to the right

Discoverer: Brandi Spears

Occurrence: Can almost always be found anywhere with wifi

Physical Properties

Surface Properties: Dark hair, brown eyes, 5' 4".

Boils when: Loses anything, very competitive.

Melts if: Cute dogs are around.

Sad when: I have to go back home from a vacation.

Happy when: I get to watch TV.

Becomes stubborn and unyielding when: asked to do chores.

Chemical Properties

Is repelled by: loud people.

Is attracted to: bread and pasta.

May explode spontaneously when: people do annoying things.

Requires copious amounts of: blankets.

Is inert if: it's past 9:45.

Will repel: cats.

Is impervious to: judgmental people.