Material Safety Data Sheet
A Physical and Chemical Analysis of "Man"
Boils when: Loses anything, very competitive.
Melts if: Cute dogs are around.
Sad when: I have to go back home from a vacation.
Happy when: I get to watch TV.
Becomes stubborn and unyielding when: asked to do chores.
Is attracted to: bread and pasta.
May explode spontaneously when: people do annoying things.
Requires copious amounts of: blankets.
Is inert if: it's past 9:45.
Will repel: cats.
Is impervious to: judgmental people.