Calling All Fellow, Single Turtles

Briana Duka

Just a Little Bit About Me

Yoooo fellow flyer reader, I'm Herald. Herald the hippo. Now don't you walk away or stop reading cause you'll fall for my charm in a matter of seconds. Well, maybe not seconds. You see I'm not so good with the.. ladies. But that's not stopping me, duh. Okay, okay fine. My best friend Eugene made me do this but you see I think I'm doing fine on my own but he insists. Even though I don't want to do this -- stupid Eugene -- I mean I wouldn't mind finding myself a cutie out there. :) Well anyways let me stop boring you and actually talk about myself for a little. To start off, I'm kinda plump and a brownish gray color. And no. I'm not a purple hippo. There are no such things, sorry. I also have four short, fat legs which surprisingly can hold up my body weight. Hey, it's what is on the inside that counts right? Hasn't anyone told you that? For example, I'm warm-blooded which means I have a heart and I'm no player. I'm also not a player cause I can't really run... Besides all of that, my favorite kind of music is hip-hop. I also once tried hipponotism but that ended up with me falling in a cold lake -- it's a looong story -- and getting hippothermia. Aren't I just on a roll? I'm probably sounding so lame right now -- which I'm totally not -- but give me a call. Just dial my digits, you won't be disappointed. Buh-bye!

All Hippos Can Dream

I ain't no Martin Luther King Jr. but I too have a dream. My dream is to find my one true love. A precious turtle that I can call my own. Something about their dry, scaly skin is attractive. Also even though they are cold-blooded, I will find a way into her heart. It would just be like a romance movie. I'm not picky. I mean honestly, I wouldn't be making this flyer if I was. Because accept it. I'm going to be getting so much calls from all different turtles and you know it. Except this turtle has to have good shellfie skills. ;-) Anyways, I would take her on an amazing date that she has never been to before. We would probably travel to like Fiji or some place with nice waters and just swim, take nice, slow walks, and get a nice, golden tan. We would be the best couple ever. #HurtleGoalz.
Just give me a call! You know you want to.

My Future Goals

Yup. I'm Herald and that picture right there just goes to show how lonely I actually am.