Dear Complainer...
Niki Spears, Co-Founder, The Energy Bus for Schools
Did you know that blaming and complaining can lead to a negative school/district culture?
While blaming and complaining are two distinct behaviors, one is rarely done without the other, they’re married. Think about it for a moment, when we complain, we’re usually ready to blame someone or something else for the situation. Both behaviors can be perfectly normal when followed up with courage and a solution. But most of the time when people blame and complain, the criticism is most often communicated to the wrong person or people. We complain about our students to our principals or other teachers; we complain about our team members to other team members; we complain about our parents to other teachers; and the list goes on and on.
The chronic complainer’s goal is usually to pardon himself from taking personal responsibility; to share his misery with others (you know the saying misery loves company); or it gives him an excuse to avoid taking action.
Although both behaviors can seem harmless, they can greatly impact our productivity as well as the attitudes of those around us, when done on a regular basis. Let’s face it, good teaching takes a lot of mental and emotional energy and blaming and complaining rarely energizes anyone. So, it’s like the wheels of your bus are stuck, spinning in the mud, and the bus is going nowhere. And if you think about it, we wouldn’t complain if we didn’t think things could get better, we complain because sometimes we don’t have the courage to take the actions necessary to make them better.
As a former educator, principal, and now motivational speaker, I have the opportunity to share with educators just how harmful these behaviors can be to our school and district culture. I encourage my listening audience to take a look at themselves first, before pointing the finger at others or something else. If we were to all focus on our own behaviors and how we show up for work each day, we can then transform our personal culture which will then impact our school culture.
In his book, No Complaining Rule, Jon Gordon says,
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"We were born to complain. As babies, we cried our hearts out to get what we want. When we were hungry, we cried and our Momma fed us. When we were tired, we cried and we were rocked to sleep. We cried to get our way all the time, and it worked like a charm. Unfortunately, far too many are still using an adult form of crying - called complaining - to get what they want or to express their feeling of helplessness." Jon continues, "When we complain, we feed the negativity” (Chapter 11, The Positive Road).
The truth is, if you are constantly complaining and blaming others or circumstances for the things you don’t like in your school, you can’t be teaching with love, passion, and joy. Consider all the energy that is exerted when your mind is filled with negative, unproductive thoughts. When you attach to negative thoughts, engage in gossip, blame others for mistakes or failures, it can leave you feeling hopeless, irritable, and physically drained.
So, what do you do instead of blaming and complaining? Try these healthy behaviors instead:
Ask yourself (or the complainer) --What Have You Tried? Many of the things we complain about can be directed back to something about ourselves we are not willing to address. Step back, take a look in the mirror, and consider ways you may be contributing to the problem by blaming others or complaining, then think of what you can do to make things better. If you have tried something, and it didn’t work, ask – what else can you try? (Keep asking ‘what else can you try?’ until you come up with a new solution).
Seize the Opportunity Wherever there is a problem, there lies great opportunity. Instead of looking at something as a challenge, look for ways you can make a change. If you don’t like the current culture of your school, don’t wait on your leaders to do something about it or complain about what’s not right. Form a Culture Committee on your campus and come up with ways you can help energize the culture.
Look for the Positive For every negative thing that happens in your school or classroom there are 100 (if not more) positive things to celebrate. Train your brain to notice the great things that are happening and share it with others on your team, in your school, or even in your community. The more you focus on the positive, the more positive things will show up in your school/classroom.
Practice Gratitude Giving thanks can increase your motivation and well-being. When you’re feeling the urge to blame or complain, stop and write down all the things you’re grateful for and watch how this can magically transform your thinking and attitude.
Take Responsibility Be ready to sit in the Driver’s Seat of life and take responsibility for your actions or inactions. Many of us don’t take responsibility because that would mean we will also need to take action as well. The power is in taking 100% responsibility for your life, actions, and results. When you blame and complain you are ultimate giving away your power to create the life you desire.
So the next time you are complaining or listening to a complaint, try transforming negativity and replace it with a healthy action.
Sending lots of positive energy your way,
Niki Spears