Holla! It's Holly ♥
(you expected a teal header up ↑ there didn't you?! muahaha)
what's my major again?!
it's supposed to be spring?! i want summer...?
Men → (you knew this was coming, didn't you.. haha) PART 1: The Story.
I thought I could get over him during break. I proved myself wrong, because the moment I saw him when I got back, everything I had done to try to get over him went out the window. We would still hang out and have movie night, without his gf Nicole. We were close like that. Then I decided I had to give him that letter regardless of his relationship status.. he needed to know. So, the day I was going to give it to him, I found out some interesting information: Nicole broke up with him the day before. Great. Now, I couldn't give him the letter, because he already a lot of shit on his mind. Awesome...
A few weeks later, he came to hang out with me one Saturday night. He kinda broke down and vented to me about "why does this happen to me? do i drive girls away?" It was so incredibly sad because it wasn't true at all. He is a wonderful guy who any girl would be lucky to have! I started to tear up because I'm a sympathetic crier haha.. He asked me for advice and it was really hard to do. I had to be super vague. Then he said that it was my turn to vent because he had already done so. WHAT?! I only had one thing on my mind and it was HIM! And.......... I spilled everything. I told him everything. His jaw just dropped. Turns out, he had no idea I felt like that. After I poured my heart out, I started shaking. Not just the twitchy kind of shake, no, it was like violent earthquake shaking. I had just told him my deepest feelings that I had FOR HIM! It was the most terrifying thing I've ever done. He didn't say anything and just looked at me.
The first thing he said was, "Don't you write a lot?" WHAT!??!?!?!?!?!?!?!??!?!??!? I just thoroughly embarrassed myself and that's your first question?! Well, I said "yes" simply because it's true. Then he asked if I'd ever written about him................ OF COURSE I DID!!!!!!!! He wanted to hear what I wrote and he started looking for my 'secret' notebook.. I quick grabbed it before he could find it. He tried to make me read one, and I thought ABSOLUTELY NOT! After that didn't work, HE KISSED ME and thought that would help. Did it? NO! That was just ridiculous.... I ended up paraphrasing one thing I wrote to make him stop bothering me about it forever. Then he kissed me again. I'll never forget what he said: "I bet you've been waiting for that for a long time!" Of course I was. Silly question, Douglas.. Then we went to his room to watch a movie (it was 4am at this point) and then we were making out for quite a while. That's all, I promise. Finally fell asleep at like 6 lol.
The next week he didn't talk to me at all. I was super worried.. When I texted him, asking him if he was alright, he came to my room and told me that we need to stay friends. STAY, stay friends, because we were much closer before. That's all he said. I was crushed. I cried forever and a day. I didn't want to say anything because I just couldn't burden anyone else with what I was feeling and I thought I could bear it alone. Then there was a good month of awkward encounters.
So, that wraps up the sad portion of this story. Sorry, it was so long! I just want you ladies to know everything that's going on. Part 2 won't be as bad. Promise :)
Men → PART 2: Current State Of Affairs.
Well, after a month of crying multiple times a day and trying to hide it from my residents and coworkers, I found out another interesting piece of information: Doug doesn't remember anything from that one night. Apparently, he had had a few drinks a few hours prior to visiting me. Now, I'm not oblivious... I can usually tell when people are highly intoxicated. He showed no signs of being wasted; none. He only remembers coming to my room. That's it. Awesome.. I was so pissed off that I ripped the letter, that he never got, to shreds and decided to write another letter. This time I pretty much called him out on his bullshit. The first sentence, I believe, was "How could you do this to me?" Yeah.. I continued to tell him EXACTLY what happened that night, so he would know why I was extremely pissed off. Why couldn't he have told me he didn't remember anything before instead of lying to me about it and causing me a month of grief? I told him exactly how I felt, including the fact that I cried every day.
I DID give him that letter. The next day he came to talk to me about it. This was about a month ago, I'd say. He looked like a sad puppy dog when he came to my room. We talked about everything for a good 2 hours. We are finally on the same page. Everything between us, now, is fantastic! It's back to the way it used to be! We just finished watching Smallville season 10, because he loves Superman. Everything is great!
There's only one problem: Stephanie (my coworker lol). She had been around when I was going through the whole crying everyday thing and she was trying to offer me advice, even though I didn't want it. Well, everything I said to her, she went and told Doug about it, I'm just guessing. She is close to him too and hung out with him a lot. Well, she seemed a little TOO close to him. So, at one point, I asked her if there was anything going on between them. She said no. I asked another time, and same response: no. Before Spring break, I found out from one of my besties here, that the 2 of them (Steph and Doug) had sex. She thought I knew already. I wasn't supposed to find out, ever. Well, Steph's a back-stabbing bitch. She doesn't know that I know this. I, actually, found out from lots of people who thought I knew already. She must really like telling everyone about her sexual exploits..
Currently, I'm in the process of figuring out a way to confront her about all of this because I'm not supposed to know anything and I don't want to get anyone else in trouble. I'm just sick of her using me, lying to me, and thinking she got away with it. I'm standing up for myself because I deserve better. I can finally say that with confidence :)
So, that ends the depressing portion of the story telling. If you have any advice for me, PLEASE share!
there's other fish in the sea. i think i caught one!!
I don't really know what to think about this right now because, little does he know, my emotions are all over the place. I'm not about to tell someone I barely know all of my deep dark secrets of my past. So, we'll see! I'll keep you posted!
My latest feats are Skyfall: Adele and Titanium: David Guetta.
I'm super happy when I'm writing. It's hard, but it makes my brain work, yet relaxes me from my exhausting life at the same time. AND, omg omg omg omg omg!!! We, as a campus, just bought a SUPER LEGIT new grand piano. IT'S HUGE!!!!!!!!!!!!! I haven't had the chance to play it, but I can't wait for that day. When I saw the picture of it on the Platteville homepage, I think I drooled a little bit, let's be real.
I'm also learning new Jon Schmidt music. He's my hero. I want to be him when I grow up if the graphic design thing falls through. You know, just keeping my options open! hehe.
I Love Singing!!!
I especially love PENTATONIX!!!!!!! They are my favorite EVER EVER!!! They won the sing-off a while back and they are around our age, I think. I'm trying to see if I can get people together to sing one of their songs because I'm dying to sing them with someone who can harmonize!!! I'm addicted to them. And Sara Bareilles. She has the voice range as me. SINGING... AHHHH!!!!! So, yeah! :)
IS SHE DONE YET?????????
I love you all so, so much♥ Hope you enjoyed my little shmorgasboard of info :) I'm gonna go eat something.