What Makes Me Tick?

Personality, Emotions, and Social/Emotional Intelligence

Victoria Pollard

What Makes Me Tick?

My Personality

My personality has matured along with me. I have always been anxious and prone to react without thinking. I am combative, just like my mother who I observed through two divorces. I am have also been prone to reckless behavior, similar to my dad's behavior, who I've spent very little time with. At times, I can be uncontrollable while other times I seek to control others. To sum up my personality in a sentence: I never knew what gray was. I'm either jet-black or rigid white.

I feel my personality is based on both nature and nurture. I was nurtured by my mother after my dad left when I was three, and I therefore show more of her personality. I watched her react strongly to hard situations and as a result, I also handle things radically at times. This to me is more of my "rigid white" personality. However, I show signs of a more laid back and reckless teenager. I attribute this to my dad's impact on my life and possibly the genes he gave me. This reckless tendency is my "jet-black" personality.

I have always been very sweet in nature and have strong compassion for all furry creatures. Yes, even possums and raccoons who I've been known to feed in winter. I feel nature is 100% to blame for my compassion towards animals. I have rescued stray cats, dogs, and even a baby squirrel over the years. Not to mention the two chipmunks and a field mouse I saved from the furious rescued kitten, Twinkie.

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My Emotions

My emotions tend to be as strung out as my personality. I have highs of happiness and downs of depression. I was diagnosed with depression at age 13 and was on medication to balance it out for four years. My emotions are all my own, but I do show signs of having personalities similar to my parents.

I am very sweet to others, compassionate with it comes to helping others, and very open to new ideas. These are characteristics I believe are purely my own and originate from nature. However, I can also be very closed in, unwilling to open up to others and at times down right hateful. I consider these emotions to be nurture, since I grew up feeling that others wanted nothing more than to hurt me.

The main parts of my emotions being sadness, happiness, and stress tend to be extremes of both my parents. I know both of them battle some variation of depression and bi-polar disorder. The extremes of those basic three emotions, on the other hand, are all nature. I have always been stressed out since I can remember. For example, I once had a mental break down in first grade due to a spelling test I had been studying for.

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My Social/Emotional Intelligence

I would describe social and emotional intelligence as the ability to navigate and regulate my hazardous emotional roller coaster. I am usually very high stress level no matter what situation. This is because I am constantly feeling the pressure of grades and "perfection" in other people's eyes instead of my own. I usually try to regulate my stress by reading or by talking nonstop until I've thoroughly made everyone around me angry. When I am on the down turn of my roller coaster, I am usually more calm and very few people see that I am struggling.

I consider my social and emotional intelligence to be strictly nurture. I was raised by a single mother, so I knew very quickly I had to be more mature and more perfect in order to keep my mom's life together. Yes, I know its irrational and no, my mother never verbally put that much pressure on me. I did it all myself because I honestly felt I had to. I keep myself at a high stress level 24/7 because I learned by watching other adults in my life that stress got things done. AS a result, I never turn off my imaginary stress switch.

At times, I am very good at regulating myself while at other times, I am 100% of the rails of my roller coaster. These are times when I feel even more stress from my mom. I usually try to regulate through these times by talking to others, but since I tend to joke around a lot, most people can't see the stress eating away at me.

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The Importance of Understanding Myself. My Emotions and My Social/Emotional Intelligence

The importance of understanding my emotions is so I can better control and regulate it. I can't have breakdowns or angry outburst at work, that would negatively impact my job security. Socially, I need to be able to connect with others on a deeper level than just small talk. I want to be a guidance counselor and therefore will need to be able to prevent myself from inflicting others with my emotions.

For my future story, I need to be able to determine where I'm going and how I'm going to get there. "Failing to prepare is preparing to fail." Emotional and social intelligence will help me prepare for my future in college by allowing me to regulate my emotions even under difficult times.

The true important, to me, is being able to understand my state of mind and how it's going to effect the others around me. By understanding myself, I will be able to fulfill my potential as a guidance counselor, leader, and friend.