Week 11: Hey Saksen
SUCK A BAG OF DIX
Our first changing of the guard in....I'd say 10 weeks came this past week with Joan leap frogging the ELBOWs in the standings and taking first place. The Commish Fave isn't going anywhere though, don't you worry. I'll be harvesting my Chilean salt mines to fuel my Norwegian Sybian, and I will be back for those bewbz.
Lines of the Night
Tuesday: Joan Smoothers: 2g, 6a, 9pim, 4ppp, 28sog, 21fw, 16hit, 16blk, 1.44gaa, 56sv, .949sv%
Wednesday: Fiber Frenzy: 2g, 2a, +3, 1ppp, 5sog, 2fw, 7hit, 1blk
Thursday: CatPasey: 2g, 5a, -1, 10pim, 1ppp, 27sog, 37fw, 10hit, 9blk, 1.00gaa, 31sv, .969sv%
Friday: The Malkin-g Dead: 3g, 2a, +1, 6pim, 3ppp, 20sog, 7fw, 10hit, 10blk, 2.89gaa, 21sv, .875sv%
Saturday: NeonDion PewpMachine: 7g, 5a, +9, 4pim, 2ppp, 37sog, 54fw, 11hit, 10blk, 1.64gaa, 69sv, .958sv%
Sunday: The Malkin-g Dead: 2a, 2ppp, 10sog, 4fw, 4hit, 15blk
Week 11 Matchups
Saksen is coming (Beast 9, ELBOWs 3):
Mike took advantage of having a seemingly neverending arsenal of players each day, including five fucking goalies to my one. And with my unbelievable anti-lineup nirvana surrounding Alfie and Wayne Simmonds, there was no catching him. When you find yourself fishing for a Bryzgalov streamed shutout, you know you're in a bad place. Until next time, Dr. Muffintop.
Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum punch each other silly with no result (Droplets 6, Pasey 6):
In a shocking turn of events, neither Pat nor Ryan could finish each other off in the Battle of the Bongs. Right now they're in Tahoe sipping on Johnnie Walker Blue Label and smoking only the stickiest of icky, so good for them :D
Hey Ryan....maybe you should take a peek at what's in the closet in the double-bed room ;) Or maybe up on that little table in Club Loft, under the blankets ;) Or ANYWHERE
How to Skin a Cat: Part 7
"Give a cat a beer, he will ruin your night. Teach a cat to drink, and he will haunt you for the rest of your life."
One step forward, five steps back for Charlie's playoff run ;p (Dead 7, Bonerz 4):
Paul Stastny was the top scorer for the Zamz (2g, 3a, 36fw), and eight goalie starts later Charlie still couldn't find that shutout. You keep chuggin along on that playoff run Charlie, you keep chuggin along ;)
Frenzy all out of fiber fuel; PewpMachine oiled up and ready to fuck, been ready to fuck (NeonDion 7, Frenzy 5):
This has been deemed Commish Ged's Matchup of the Week, and was notable for Pete's Sunday heroics. Normally we know Pete as the manager who can't quite wake up in time to set his lineup for the east coast games. However, in a shocking turn of events, Pete displayed some expert lineup-setting skills on Sunday: heading into Sunday's matchup, Pete basically just needed to overtake Chris in saves in order to win. To ensure this, Pete picked up Eddie Lack, knowing full well that Luongo would get lit up by Winnipeg. Sure enough, Luongo gets pulled after 6 shots, and Lack comes in to get another 15 and secure the victory.
Pete has now earned the first ever "Michael Planningaheadstad" award for finding sassy and inventive ways to plan ahead. Congratulations to Pete on his Nordic organization!!!!
Week 11 Awards
Waiver Wire Wizard: NeonDion PewpMachine
Michael Planningaheadstad: NeonDion PewpMachine
Goalies Best: Hot Ice Beast, Joan Smoothers,
Horseshoes and Hand Grenades: CatPasey, Dangleberry Droplets, Fiber Frenzy
Tight BuTThole: NeonDion PewpMachine
Bieber Fever: NeonDion PewpMachine
Desk Pop: Joan Smoothers
Sherriff of Nottingham: Joan Smoothers
Domesticated: Everyone knows that the holidays are a prime time for domestication time, and boy have the domestication elves been busy hammering away at this week's award!! We have our first ever shared Domestication Award this week, with four managers taking home the Golden Apron:
1st place: Zamboners: No surprises here! Charlie and his better half stole away to Breckenridge for a Couple's Retreat this past weekend, and if you got the snap chat videos, you could tell that this trip was chock-o-bock full of domestication. Not pictured: a) Charlie rubbing Melissa's feet by the fire, b) Hot cocoa in bed while watching reruns of One Tree Hill
2nd place: The Cat's Meow: Not to be outdone, Matt followed closely behind Charlie this week with his own brand of better home and gardening. Where Charlie is more avant-garde in his domestication, Matt likes to keep it traditional (note the tasteful, expert wrapping!). Not pictured: Joey in an elf costume.
4th place: CatPasey: And Patty Cakes is on the board!! Sorry Pat, but an instagram pic will always get you an award. Too adorable, and #happyholidays indeed ;D. Not pictured: Shutting up
Week 12 Predictions
Dangleberry Beast: Hmmm, Ryan bunkered up in Tahoe with his garrison of cannabis + hand stuff in Club Loft with the Commish vs. Saksen at work rosterbating? I'll take Saksen by a peen. Beast 7, Droplets 6
Malkin-g Smoothers: Austin is on a bit of a roll, but too hobbled by injuries. The BriChi Train cannot be stopped..yet. Joan 8, Dead 4
Frenzy of Bonerz: Chris in Tahoe is even worse than Ryan in Tahoe. Zamz 8, Fiber 4
NeonPasey: I guess I'll go with the clean sweep of the current Tahoe crew. Pewp 7, Pasey 5
Haz a happy noo yeer, haz phun n b safe,
*copyright Pete Shenkin