Burger King Virtua' University
"Come get some nuggets."
Have it YOUR way.
At BKVU, we specialize in serving quality food with very little effort, hygiene or class. Wake up in your Texas Department of Corrections jumpsuit on the side of the road this morning?? Come on in! Did you smoke meth out of a light bulb five minutes ago? Our doors are open! Smell like a lit carton of cigarettes and gasoline? We have a seat for you!
What does BKVU offer?
The Whopper
A flame broiled masterpiece that may or may not have been dropped on the floor. Available in cold, room temperature, and "what the hell is this?" varieties. With this brochure, your purchase of a Whopper includes an orange sweater and smiley-face pajama pants (*while supplies last).
The Italian Chicken
A favorite of Vic Tuttle, the Italian Chicken is a seasonal sandwich that only comes around when the holidays come around and meth prices skyrocket. The imitation chicken meat contained in this sandwich is sure to satisfy you as you stand in line at the methadone clinic.
Methamphetamine
Do you have all of your teeth? Not for long! With our quality meth, you are guaranteed to stay up for 3 days straight. Forget about your bathing schedule, your child's erratic behavior, and just generally check out of reality with our pure methamphetamine product.
Our founder and CEO...
Often found swerving in between lanes on HWY 259, our founder "The King" is always dressed to impress and exudes professionalism and cleanliness. Don't be fooled by imitators like Ronald MacDonald or Jack from Jack in the Box... The King has hundreds of friends in low places across Gregg and Rusk County and can obtain anything that you need to make your BKVU experience a great one!! HAVE IT YOUR WAY at BKVU!
*Transportation to BKVU not included.