the OUUC spark
April 4, 2024
We are Connected and We are Not Alone - Rev. Mary Gear
Our spiritual theme for the month of April in “Interdependence.” In this month of Spring when we celebrate Earth Day, we pause to remember our connection to each other and to the Earth.
Unitarian Universalist theology is based on the idea that we are part of an interconnected world, expressed in the current 7th principle and in the core values proposed by the Article II Commission.
The 7th principle says that we affirm and promote “respect for the interdependent web of all existence of which we are a part.”
The Article II Commission says that the core value of interdependence is defined this way:
Interdependence. We honor the interdependent web of all existence. We covenant to cherish Earth and all beings by creating and nurturing relationships of care and respect. With humility and reverence, we acknowledge our place in the great web of life, and we work to repair harm and damaged relationships.
This month our worship services will explore this theme from many perspectives, including our relationship to Mother Earth. We will explore how to “communicate to connect” with a skill building workshop on April 7 from 12-2 pm. We will consider adding a behavioral covenant to the current OUUC congregational covenant. Each of these topics has grief and joy, learning and letting go.
Members of the OUUC Pastoral Care Team responded to this theme of interdependence with a reflection on how we can best support each other when we are grieving or in a major transition.
Thank you to Jenne Wolfram for joining PCT members Pam Turner and Beth Johnson to offer this guidance.
Blessings on your week.
Rev. Mary
"What Do I Say?" by Jenne Wolfram, Pam Turner, and Beth Johnson
When we come face to face with a friend or acquaintance who has recently received a life changing diagnosis, injury, or illness, or has recently lost a loved one, we want to connect with them in a supportive way, but sometimes we struggle with what to say. We interviewed several people who’ve lived through these experiences and got their advice. Here are some things to consider and some suggested phrases to use and not to use. Add them to your good intentions of support and you have the potential to make a loving connection.
The greatest gift we can give to another is to allow silence and listen deeply from a place of genuine compassion. Silence creates space for someone to share whatever it is that’s on their heart. Avoid the long stares of pity. Remember that your smile and peaceful presence is often enough.
Keep the “Platinum Rule” in mind. Treat others as they would have themselves be treated. The Platinum Rule encourages us to listen to others, understand their needs and desires, and adapt our behavior accordingly. Everyone’s needs are unique to them. Meet people where they are. Asking from a place of care and being cautious not to do so to fill our own need to help, allows the person’s needs to be openly shared and honors where they are in the moment.
Speak the name of the ill or dead person. Often people are afraid to mention their name, but the worried or grieving loved one is likely thinking a lot about their loved one and therefore feels less alone in their concern or grief if others also speak their name.
Relationships and losing a loved one are complex at best. Avoid making presumptuous statements about the grieving person’s experience. Often our grief is as complex as the relationship itself.
Avoid making it about yourself. Sometimes briefly sharing a relatable situation is comforting since it helps the person feel less alone, but generally most of the space should stay open for the other person’s experience to be shared.
Many of us like to fix things and solve problems, but these situations aren’t usually fixable or ours to solve at all. Our caring words of support are often enough. Consider these dos and don’ts for your next interaction.
DON’Ts:
I’m going to bring you some dinner.
You shouldn’t be alone at this time.
This must be devastating for you.
God called them home.
I bet you’re glad it’s over.
It must be lonely in your house now.
I can’t imagine losing my wife like that!
I’m just so upset about this.
Let me know if you need anything.
You’ll get through it.
She’s in a better place.
They brought this on themselves.
I know exactly how you feel.
It’s been a while. Aren’t you over this yet?
She’s with Jesus now.
DOs:
I don’t know what to say.
Sorry about your recent news.
I’m so sorry for your loss.
Would you like a hug?
What would make you feel most supported right now?
Is there anything you’d like to talk to me about?
Roger’s laugh always made me smile.
I don’t know how you feel, but I am here to help in any way I can.
Hearing the birds sing makes me think of Chloe.
It’s great to see you today.
How about we go for a walk on Tuesday at 9am?
I have been thinking of you.
I’m your friend and I’m here for you.
You created a great family with her.
Whenever you want to talk, I’m ready to listen.
I’ve walked this path. I’m here for you.
You helped make a great life with him.
You were a great partner to her.
Grief is a journey with no definitive end. Consider checking in with someone months later when the initial support often begins to fade. A kind note as anniversaries, birthdays, and holidays come up acknowledges that grief continues and reminds them they are not alone.
We hope these ideas have been helpful. We’ve all said the wrong thing before and we’re human, so we’ll make mistakes again. With some forethought, you might be able to avoid the awkward guffaw, and instead find yourself peacefully opening a portal for some deep connection.
As one of our interviewees shared,
“Often a hug and I love you, was all I needed.”
Tonight's Community Dinner & Activities
Tonight’s dinner will be delicious rice and beans. Everyone is invited for food and fellowship at 5:30pm.
Volunteers needed for cooking and help with setting up tables and chairs, if you can help, please come early.
Following dinner this week, we will have the Buddhist group, the Parent Group, and a Film night for kids (with popcorn!)
Tiny Little News Show
In this week's Tiny Little News, a UU joke, a special invitation from Rev Mary to this week's Sunday learning opportunity, and this week's upcoming events.
Upcoming Events
Contact Us
Olympia Unitarian Universalist Congregation
Website: https://www.ouuc.org
Email: office@ouuc.org
Location: 2306 East End St NW, Olympia, WA, USA
Phone: (360) 634-2005
Office Hours
Tuesday - Thursday, 10:00 am - 2:00 pm
Sunday, 8:00 am - 1:00 pm
Staff Contacts
Rev. Mary Gear, Minister
Rev. Sara Lewis, Director of Community and Faith Development
Troy Fisher, Music Director
Isaac Jennings, Business Manager
Rosie Koppelman, Office Assistant
Teresa Madsen, Communications & Tech Coordinator
Marie Arensmeyer, Facilities Manager
Anissa Bentlemsani, Religious Education Assistant
Carbon Marshall, Tech Specialist