Positive Panther
October 2019- Family Edition
The Positive Panther Project & 7 Mindsets for Success
Each month the district has set topics to be covered that will help your student to reflect on how they interact with their peers, family and our community. We encourage you to have conversations with your son or daughter on these topics and to reinforce the importance of these skills at home.
You will receive this newsletter each mo'nth. It contains an overview of the lessons provide to your son or daughter on our designated "Panther Day". This is the first Wednesday of each month. When you receive this newsletter, they will have already covered these topics so you can begin discussing them at home.
October- The Time Is Now
1- Embrace Every Moment
How Kids Learn to Take Initiative and Overcome Challenges
Learning to take initiative is a behavior that helps kids navigate their lives with courage and optimism.
Alfred D. Souza makes a great point: “For a long time it had seemed to me that life was about to begin. But there was always some obstacle in the way, something to be gotten through first, some unfinished business, time still to be served, a debt to be paid. Then life would begin. At last it dawned on me that these obstacles were my life.”
Indeed, obstacles are a part of life. And often they seem endless, particularly to children. Kids become happier adults when they learn how to overcome challenges and obstacles–to step up and take initiative and involve themselves in activities that are meaningful to them.
A common refrain I often hear from parents of tweens and teens is, “My son doesn’t take initiative. I don’t know how to motivate him.” “My daughter doesn’t stand up for herself.”
This article provides insights about how children learn to take initiative. Parents and teachers are key mentors in the process.
Why is Taking Initiative Important?
Taking initiative helps propel life forward in purposeful directions. Initiative directs our attention toward a challenging goal and helps us overcome obstacles. Learning to take initiative is an important aspect of positive youth development.
The ability to take initiative is developed in late childhood and adolescence through mastery experiences and relationships that help kids believe in themselves. Since initiative can be used to accomplish good or evil, it also involves instilling positive attributes in childhood, including empathy, self-awareness, and integrity. Whether young people learn to make a positive difference in their own life or in the world around them, taking initiative requires a combination of inner energy and outer action.
The ability to take initiative is developed through internal rewards, like creativity, dignity, autonomy, making a difference for others, and activities that help kids create their own futures. It is not developed through external rewards like grades, winning, awards, and money.
Activities that Help Kids Take Initiative
Researchers have identified three important elements of activities that help children learn to take initiative during childhood and adolescence.
- Kids must choose activities for themselves because it gives them “internal” rewards! Examples include music programs, service learning projects, and a myriad of other after-school activities.
- The activity must take place in an environment that contains rules, challenges, and complexities inherent in the real world. Children must face intellectual, interpersonal, and intrapersonal challenges that go beyond grades, winning a game, and other external rewards.
- The activity must be sustained over a period of time. Rather than doing lots of activities, it is better for children to focus on a few for longer periods of time so they learn to persevere despite challenges.
Compelling Facts
- IQ accounts for less than 25% of life success. Emotional intelligence, including taking initiative, accounts for the rest.
- Boredom is the antithesis of taking initiative. Both honor students and those involved in delinquent activities report the highest levels of boredom in the U.S., many more than 50% of the time.
- Kids who lack the ability to take initiative are more prone to depression.
- Children and adolescents who successfully learn to take initiative spend twice as much time in hobbies and sports than kids with low levels and they spend more time with their families.
- Traditional classrooms and homework, activities that account for more than 30% of kids waking hours, have limited potential for learning to take initiative.
2- Get In The Zone
Top 5 Dos and Don'ts at Home
2) Do celebrate and support action plans in your home. When your children come to you with a plan of action for anything, to exercise more or spend more time on homework, applaud the effort. The Time is Now is about taking action. As parents, we are part of our children’s Dream Teams and our encouragement of them and their dreams is paramount. Helping them find their purpose, what makes them truly happy, is part of the fun.
3) Don’t let regrets pile up in your life or talk excessively to your children about all the things you wish you had done. It’s important for them to see you taking a proactive stance about doing what you want to do and not regretting things that you haven’t done yet.
4) Don’t focus energy or time on fears. Rather, find ways to overcome your own fears so that your children are inspired to do so as well. Fear prevents you from taking the actions necessary for your success. People who succeed in life know that great rewards exist beyond their conquered fears, and they therefore work constantly to overcome them.
5) Do encourage vulnerability. That emotional state brings with it a heightened sensitivity and access to moments of greatness and triumph. Vulnerability is invigorating, and every great dream requires a combination of energy and great enthusiasm to persevere through the difficulties and challenges.
3- Let Yourself Be Vulnerable
Vulnerability Helps Us Develop
Maybe you’re one of those people who cringes when they hear the world “vulnerability.” Maybe the very thought of being more vulnerable nauseates you, conjuring up images of holding hands around the campfire while you cry over how your best friend doesn’t love you like you love him, or whatever.
Well, I’m here to tell you that vulnerability is far simpler, more mundane, and yet way more powerful than all of the preconceived, wishy-washy notions you might have.
Humor me for a moment—read through this list and tell me if any of it applies to you:
- You consistently fall into boring conversation topics because they’re “safe” and shallow and you don’t have to risk offending or inciting anyone with them.
- You’re stuck in a job or lifestyle you don’t truly enjoy, because other people always told you that it was a good idea and you didn’t want to upset or disappoint others.
- You haven’t exercised or groomed yourself to the extent that you could because you didn’t want to stand out too much.
- Dressing extremely well makes you feel uncomfortable.
- Smiling at strangers makes you feel creepy.
- The idea of asking someone out openly scares you because of the possible rejection.
All of these are symptoms of a root problem: an inability to make yourself vulnerable.
Many of us weren’t taught how to express our emotions freely. For whatever reason—maybe our home situation, maybe childhood trauma, maybe our parents didn’t ever express their emotions either—we’ve grown up with habits embedded deeply into us to keep us stifled and bottled up.
Don’t be controversial. Don’t be unique. Don’t do anything “crazy” or “stupid” or “selfish.”
I was the same way. My entire young life I was terrified of anyone not liking me. The mere thought of someone hating me, girl or guy, would literally keep me up at night. As a result, every aspect of my life revolved around people-pleasing, hiding my faults, covering my tracks, blaming others.
This all may sound hokey and new-agey. Trust me, it’s not.
Connecting with others in this way by being vulnerable—as opposed to overcompensating and trying to get everyone to like you—will result in some of the best interactions and relationships of your life.
Vulnerability is a cornerstone concept in pretty much all of my writing, from dating and relationships and to finding a career you enjoy—all of it.
It’s also probably one of the most misunderstood concepts I write about. So I’m here to try to fix that.
Don’t worry, I’m not going to make you sit around the campfire with me and sing songs about how great we all are deep down inside…although, it might be just as uncomfortable at times.
But I promise you this: it’s worth it in the end. Trust me
4- Act with Purpose
How Healthy Teens Develop a Sense of Purpose and Lead Purposeful Lives by Margaret Hetherman
It’s a rare parent these days who doesn’t worry about their teen’s endless hours on screens. Years ago, it was TV that glued us to the couch, while our parents yelled at us to do something with ourselves. Something. Anything.
So perhaps it’s won’t be surprising to parents that only about 20 percent of young people reported leading fully purposeful lives, according to a study led by Professor William Damon, director of the Stanford Center on Adolescence. Purposeful life was defined as having a vision and a commitment to something they believe in, and doing something about it.
Leading a Purposeful Life
That’s not many teens, but Damon isn’t sounding alarm bells. Most of the youth in his study actually had a dream, or some great ideas—the teens just hadn’t had the chance to put those visions into action.
Teens need time and space to identify and reflect on what's important to them. It’s natural that it takes a while to sort out what matters, and to take steps toward making an impact, Damon assures parents. The important thing is to be moving forward—trying new things and learning from experience, says Damon. And that’s true wherever purpose is ultimately found: in a political or spiritual calling; a commitment to family, community, or career; or a passion such as art or sport. Kendall Cotton Bronk, a professor of developmental psychology at Claremont Graduate University in California, studies how young people discover purpose.
Bronk finds that individuals with purpose report being physically healthier than non-purposeful peers.
Purposeful individuals “report lower levels of stress, less chronic pain, and better sleep,” says Bronk. “Not only are their lives longer, but also more fulfilling. Individuals with purpose are less depressed, anxious, and lonely, and more hopeful, more satisfied, and happier than individuals without purpose.”
Finding One’s Purpose
A supportive adult can help a teen identify what matters most. Varda Yoran is a Brooklyn-based sculptor who, as a Russian-Jewish émigré, lived through the Japanese occupation in China in the 1930s and World War II. She later married a Holocaust survivor. When her teenage grandson, Neo Wastin, asked her about the purpose of life, she spoke frankly about the people she had seen in the world—those who had made a strong positive impact, and those who had done great harm. Neo knows he wants to be, as he puts it, “one of those people who make a good difference in the world.” For him, that has meant starting a fundraising drive to provide music to elders with Alzheimer's. Finally, there are some people who just don’t do much. “There are people who go through life and out, and it didn’t make any difference whether they were there at all,” said Varda.
5 Ways Parents Can Foster Purpose
Bronk offers five concrete ways parents can help teens who haven’t yet found their purpose:
1. Model purpose.
To spark ideas, talk with your teen about what gives your life purpose. Does raising children fill your life with meaning? Perhaps your career allows you to make a difference in the broader world?
2. Focus on your teen’s strengths.
Purpose emerges when young people apply their strengths to make an impact. Point them towards activities and interests that suit them.
3. Emphasize gratitude.
Reflecting on blessings and the people who have helped them naturally prompts young people to consider how they want to give back. Express gratitude as a family—maybe as a daily practice at the dinner table or in notes on a kitchen chalkboard.
4. Talk about the far horizon.
Long-term thinking helps teens focus on what they want out of life. What do they think will be important to them in the future? Why?
5. It takes a village.
Encourage teens to reach out to friends and family members—and encourage family and friends to reach out to your teen. Other supportive adults can share the good qualities they see in your teen, and nurture them towards vision and action.