The cut that lead to many more

Haley Kyzer

The Start

Depression, it’s a funny thing. You can be the saddest person in a room, yet you look like the happiest. Depression is an easy thing to hide, well it was for me, but it’s easier to hide the feelings vs the physical pain it can bring. For some people there isn't physical pain at all, but for me, there is/was. On November 22, 2012, I took razor to my wrist, and this is my story of my experience of the first little cut that lead to many more. ~

What to do next

Not letting anyone know

I let it bleed for several more minutes, just laying on my bed and watching it. I finally got up and went to the bathroom, with my uninjured arm, I grabbed some toilet paper and wrapped it multiple times around my wrist, then grabbing some tape, i tapped it up. I then proceeded to pick up my jacket and put it on. I wiped my face, washed my hands, hide my pillow case, covered the blood stains on the floor with my carpet and i put on a fake smile and walked back downstairs.

Finding out

I was good at hiding my scars for the next few months, and I would cut periodically, about 3-4 times a week. One day I was in a rush and forgot to put something around the scars. While I was walking out of the house my mom grabbed my arm and started asking questions, I told her everything. Eventually she put me in therapy, but I was still cutting.

Over coming Adversity

I didn't listen to anyone no matter what they would say. On December 31st 2013 something came over me, I decided that I needed to stop, it wasn't healthy and I was slowly killing myself. So I promised my mom, my family and friends that I would stop. as of today (Monday 10th 2014) I am 71 days clean, that may not be a long time to some people, but to me it’s a very long time, this is the longest I have gone without self-harm, at first it was hard, but it’s getting easier and easier. My addition will always be here, but it’s me who decides to act on it or not.

This has been my story on how I have overcome my addiction and adversity. I look at my wrist a lot and have urges, but I haven’t acted on them and I don’t plan to anytime soon. I don’t feel ashamed nor do I regret my history with self-harm, why? Because it has made me who I am today and I am the best I have ever been.

My Mission

my mission is to help others like me know that you can stop. You CAN get better. It may be hard, but its possible and totally worth it.