FARNSWORTH UPPER
Trauma Informed Newsletter - January/February 2016 Edition
RELATIONSHIP
Reaching out is a challenge for educators and community support providers. However, remember that sometimes breaking through isolation can be as simple as asking the question, “What is something that would help you the most right now?”
As adults, we all play a huge part in providing a safe, calm, and caring environment for students in our school, and without a doubt, we must first start with what Principal Bell always preaches.... "relationship, relationship, relationship."
You Make a Difference
Supportive relationships buffer trauma. Even if your relationship with a student never addresses or mentions trauma, the fact that you are providing a relationship that is not coercive, controlling or power-oriented, . . . that can be counted on, . . . that is genuine and responsive to the child—this provides a corrective, “normalizing” experience for the student. This can help the student learn that there are people who are safe and who can be trusted. This can change a child’s negative worldview.
What Makes a Relationship Feel Safe?
All relationships are not created equal. There are things you can do to improve the quality of your relationships. Listed below are some examples of what would be viewed as safe and unsafe to a student.
SAFE
- Being Collaborative
- Speaking slower, softer, with fewer words
- Being flexible
- Being calm, modeling self regulation
- Not personalizing
NOT SAFE
- Being authoritorian
- Talking too much, too loud, lecturing
- Being rigid and inflexible
- Becoming emotional along with the child
- Being over sensitive, taking things personally
How To Build Stronger Relationship
Personalizing
Sometime we wonder about not personalizing or letting inappropriate language slide. Being calm and empathetic, not personalizing, does not mean ignoring disrespect. It is not generally productive to address inappropriate language when a student is out-of-control. Bring the student in later, in private, and address the issue when the student and you are both calm.
Positive Relationship
For some children past relationships may have been absent, disrupted, inadequate, or a source of trauma. Positive relationships are essential to mediate the effects of earlier, or even current, negative relationships. Positive relationships may also change a child’s world view that people will hurt you and cannot be trusted.
Even one positive relationship can be enough to build a child’s resilience. A child’s knowledge that one person truly cared about them can remain in that child’s heart through many, many years and change the way they view themselves. You could be that person for a child you know.
Collaborative Problem Solving
Present your observation to the student. Be nonjudgemental. Be open-minded and calm. Invite the student to tell you about it. Listen and empathize, rephrase, restate and ask clarifying question. Summarize the problem: What is your concern about the behavior? Invite the student to think about some solutions to the problem. Be open to the student's idea. If the student can't come up with an idea, ask to meet the next day. It's important that the student develop the plan, not the teacher. Summarize the idea and try it. Finally, ask yourself did it work and repeat the process as needed.
Between Teacher and Child.
I have come to a frightening conclusion.
I am the decisive element in the classroom.
It is my personal approach that creates the climate.
It is my daily mood that makes the weather.
As a teacher I possess tremendous power
to make a child’s life miserable or joyous.
I can be a tool of torture
or an instrument of inspiration.
I can humiliate or humor, hurt or heal.
In all situations, it is my response that decides
whether a crisis will be escalated or de-escalated.
And a child humanized or dehumanized.
--Haim Ginott
Your Friendly School Social Workers
Email: may.thor@spps.org
Website: smore.com
Location: 1000 Walsh Street, Saint Paul, MN, United States
Phone: 651-774-7381